Recently, I was given the new diagnosis of IBS, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, added to the three I already have. First, acquiring the diagnosis of Bipolar in 2006, discarding depression and ADD mis-diagnosed in my teens, finally, in 2011, Celiac Disease, some years later, gratefully, CPTSD in 2019, and now, after years of still struggling with gut issues even after conquering the celia issue, IBS. The journey of discovery when given these labels individually and then, collectively, has been one of a soul-searching struggle at times, then suddenly grateful relief.
As I reflect upon the roads I have traveled until now, I find some ease as I commence a new path of understanding my body's needs to heal in this new beginning (IBS). Yet, still at times, I tense within, feeling a sense of hopelessness, when faced with the all-consuming task of once again learning what's right, what's wrong for my body. "What the hell can I eat? I have shrieked inwardly as I navigate the elimination diet in order to find the food sensitive triggers, while at times slogging through days of overwhelming fatigue as my body adjusts to the cleanse or lack of nutrients still not discovered. I must once again learn to rest and to be gentle with myself through the process, not judge or cry because I find myself once again at another 'step one'.
Added to all of that, I'm aging, try as I might to freeze or build Tardises to control time, the sands in the hourglass are slipping by, marked by the changes upon my face, hair, body, and even within. As the numbers attached to my years alive increase, my body and mind shift, altering what I once was capable, but with this, comes a new appreciation for the simplicity of life. The desires I once sought for have faded, changed, and find renewal in the focus to thrive in peace within and without.
Thus, as I face these new journeys of recovery, the physical and emotional, I find comfort in the truth that life is an ever-unfolding discovery to knowing more fully myself, reaching ever towards an achievement once gained, only to reveal another layer to voyage in discovery. Daunting as it may seem, it is inevitable, for the sole purpose of life is the journey towards finding one's soul.
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