I had the very distinct privilege of sitting down with actress, artist, and all-around warrior women herself, Darby McCue this week. Together, we looked into her world of burlesque, how she arrived at her love for it, and what insights she has gained on herself and women kind from this association.
For starters, Darby started out her dancing career as a professional belly dancer. However, within what is thought to be a very spiritually enlightened community, she faced criticism for being too sexual, suggestive, and even vulgar in her dancing style. It was around this time that a good belly dancing friend of hers approached her, and with trepidation and fear of reprisal, Darby took her advice. The friend suggested thoughtfully that Darby look into Burlesque dancing and that might be a more suitable fit for Darby's style. The friend was well-meaning and truly cared for Darby.
Until that time, Darby always imagined this type of dancing to be in the realm of the 1950's bombshell but she decided to give it a go and started her pursuit of all things Burlesque. At 37 years old, a wife and mother, Darby quickly fell in love and became enchanted. She says the most rewarding and empowering experience was the time she danced in front of her former belly dance 'hater' colleagues, which left her feeling proud of who she was and of her body. It was that moment, she says, that she never looked back!
Darby looks back on her childhood and adolescence, remembering how she was taunted and made fun of for early development. She had large breasts and bottom, was referred to maliciously as Tits McCue, was treated unfairly, taken advantage of, thought of less than and even slutty because of her body. Through burlesque dancing, Darby has finally found the healing and freedom from these past wounds.
Burlesque, she explains, is not about the nudity, but about the tease of such. She loves it for not taking itself too seriously, for the satire and humor in the doing, and that it is never about being perfect or sexual. She says that there is a huge amount of mental work and effort that goes into the preparation, from finding the right song, choreographing the dance steps, and putting together the costumes. In all of this, her self confidence has strengthened and deepened. More than that, the wide and diverse community that she has joined has truly empowered her to love herself fully. There are no limits to who can perform, no ageism, for all walks of life are welcome. She has loved seeing how women, including herself, learn to love their bodies and become unashamed of who they truly are and how they look. That in itself fills her with a sense of empowerment and confidence, continuing her love of and enjoyment of the dance.
Even so, she has experienced some backlash from an assortment of arenas. For the most part, her family admires and respects this calling of hers. But, even more than the former haters in the belly dance community, Darby has faced the societal misunderstandings of Burlesque by being referred to as a mere 'exotic dancer', not being invited into certain social women circles, looked down to as shameful, even going so far as being thought of as a 'lady of the night'. She knows wholeheartedly that this is stemming from fear, from being afraid of what they do not know, and from being afraid to step out of the confines of social conformity. She says at times younger male audience members attend shows with false expectations, cat-calling, saying abusive remarks about the dancers, and come with expectations of sexual compensation, all of which are inappropriate and not a part of burlesque.
However, from the network of other dancers, she has continued to learn to love herself and others involved. During a time when, because of the process of aging, she gained a significant amount of weight and felt insecure about it, she reached out to other curvy women of elder age who helped her relearn to love herself in her new life situation and bodily form.
Ultimately, Darby explains burlesque is not merely about being sexual, but above all about the community, acceptance, and mutual acceptance of empowering others to find their freedom and love for selves.
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