I
just wish there was some book, something to explain and help
navigate. I just wish it didn't hurt so bad. Endings.
I look at the faces in the photo above and my heart swells with joy. I grew up in a smaller Northern Californian city, in the outskirts of the back of beyond on five acres in a rural neighborhood. I spent my childhood rambling through the hills, the woods, the streams, freely. I never claimed to be a tomboy, that's absurd, but I do define myself proudly and always as a country girl.
My imagination was my closet friend and my best escape. It was then and is still today.
As I ventured into pre-teen and adolescence, my need to disappear from reality as the hormones began to rage within me grew to an increasing wave inside. After school, I would come home, grab my oreos, and head to the basement to distract myself with the likes of TV shows such as Animaniacs, Abbot & Costello (when I said I studied comedy from an early age, I meant it) and somewhere along the way I discovered Night Court. And, my world went from the dull sepia to the vibrancy of color.
One can talk about the greatness of the show, although at the time under appreciated, the talent both onscreen and off, the writing, but for me it went to a deeper level. I was hooked, although most of the jokes went above my head, it mattered not to me. Something in the story-line, the characters' connection, was very vivid and real to me. As much as I have affection and admiration for the five other actors, the main focus of the connection was the lead, Harry Anderson. His presence onscreen was delightfully humorous (even though I did not get all the jokes at that young age), but he also had this sweet sensitivity and warmth within his comedy that resonated with me. (Also, his last name was the same as my family surname, keep that relevancy in your mind.)
I was a lonely, sad child despite my many friends and rambling imagination. My small school did not have a drama department or much to offer in the arena of the arts. I had to go three cities over to take drama classes and voice lessons. Worth it it was, but it did leave a big chasm in my social connections close at home. My friends would marvel and laugh at me over my love of this show, but I cared not. A friend and I came up with a special swim for this show. That's right. It was a version of the breast stroke whereas we pop our heads above water and say "Night", then under the water, up again with "Court" and onwards to the end and back. I told you I was a comedy geek.
Also, this was before the onset the Internet, I had to really hunt for information on Night Court. These actors would not be found in the pages of Teenbeat or the like. Imagine, Richard Moll, aka Bull Shannon, doing a sexy spread with screaming girls' drooling...
I think not.
Ultimately, I was a lonely, sad child, despite my many friends and siblings. I didn't feel there was anyone that I could connect to, that could truly understand my creative and weird sense of humor. And, that's a very lonely place to be. With Night Court, I found six individuals who demonstrated characters who were unabashedly real in their wacky and weird lives. I wanted Christine's hair-style. Wait, let me clarify, you remember the shoulder length one with the bangs, yeah, that one. That was so stylish and cute. And, she was strong, sassy, smart, and beautiful. She was exactly who I wanted to be then and when I grew up. I watched in awe of the talents of John Larroquette and Harry Anderson. I wanted to do what they were doing. Well, I didn't want to lust over bimbo girls or make wacky practical jokes (well maybe the latter) but what I wanted was to act. They inspired me to pursue my dream of acting. And, during the close-up end scenes of Night Court, when Harry made a touching monologue of import, I listened and looked deeply at his caring, sympathetic eyes and longed for him to look at me with those eyes and to listen to me. I was looking for a sympathetic, warm father figure. I just wanted someone to listen.
As the years went by, I ventured into adulthood and the busyness of life, never truly forgetting Night Court. In 2006, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 which set me on a journey to soul-searching recovery and healing. I realize now that I have sought for years to fill the hole of caring "daddy" in various ways from my favorite high school teacher to a brief stint in a conservative Christian worldview. Yes, I now see that whole experience in the mad mad church years was to fill that vacancy. But, in truth, there was only one that filled that spot in my heart, that of Harry Anderson.
As I got older, I always hoped to tell him just what he had meant to me. How he helped, without knowing, a scared little girl feel safe and loved, if only for a half an hour each week.
Then this week, I received a crushing blow. He was gone.
Perhaps there is some lesson to be learned in his loss before the others. Daddy's passed on, Lia, time to grow up. Never forget the joy he brought, the magic he infused into your heart, carry it with you, but move forward. So, this week as I read the twitter posts and such from his cast-members, those oh so familiar faces, as I scan photo after photo, religiously watch video after video on YouTube of Night Court and his other works all with a desire to connect with others feeling this lack, to find some solace as we all collectively unite in our grief and healing.
These last three days I've taken long walks and spent some time in deep pondering. I've let tears flow from a broken heart. I've indulged in oreos as I fondly remembered my child-like self. And, I've felt a message from Harry as I watched the videos left behind:
"Take Life Less Seriously."
I will. We all will. Thank you, Harry, for sharing your magic, your light, and your love with us. You were truly one of a kind.
And, from my heart, thank you to Papa Harry and the entire cast of Night Court for filling a scared, little girl's heart with hope of a better life. I am alive today, pursuing my art and acting career because of each of you.
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere, I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye
(excerpt from "Say Something(I'm giving up on you)" by A Great Big World)
No comments:
Post a Comment