I recently wrote a blog entitled Poly Girl Living In A Mono World, of which is my official coming out as polyamorous, a lover of many. Today I wanted to dive in a little deeper and explain further what that means to me. First, I must confess that I still am relatively new and exploring my inbuilt natural tendency towards love and relationship, ie that of living openly a polyamorous lifestyle, I would tend to see myself somewhere in the tween years of my relationship leanings. Thus, like everything in life, my beliefs and understandings will evolve as I grow deeper in my personal life story.
1.) Polyamory equates lots of sexual partners, sleeping around, down to party whenever with whoever.
No, not for me, perhaps for some. I tend to lean more towards the idea of lover of many aspect as well as find myself in the range of demi and sapio sexual. Demisexual is only feeling sexually attracted to someone when I have an emotional connection as well sapiosexual is being attracted to intelligence. Furthermore, I do not have the time or the interest in multiple sexual affairs. There are times I can go months, even years, without sexual encounters, yet feel very sensually and romantically fulfilled. I do not feel any connection with asexuality, but rather I can find sensuality in a good deep conversation with a loved one, heart to heart connection with dear friends, regardless of the relationship style, working in my garden, writing, walking in nature, reading, watching a deliciously good movie, revisiting a favorite old TV show, celebrating good friends' successes with their creative projects as well as my own.
I do not mean to negate or condemn those that may practice their relationship styles, whether it be non-monogamy, polyamory, or something else, differently than I, to each their own. I am merely expressing myself fully in the earnestness of being authentic and open.
Another false statement for me as I, a steady Taurus, have a fierce loyalty to those I care for, whether friendship, chosen family, kitty cat, or significant other. However, what I do not believe and am coming to realize more fully, is that being in a relationship with anyone does not bind them to me or I to them. We all have our journeys and seasons per which we are meant to be in one another's lives, meaning that the relationship held today may shift to the extent that we may depart from each other for a season or even forever. As painful as that is, I am learning I do not hold control over another and, in fact, trying to control another is in no way a form of love, but rather is abusive.
Once again, I am a person that loves many and must have an emotional and intellectual connection with whoever I am in relationship.
Not in the least. In fact, I am coming to see and believe increasingly that love is love and is full of nuance, like everything in life. Relationships of any sort have their phases. As of today, my overall understanding of self is one that is more polyamorous, however, that does not mean that one day I cannot ever return to a relationship that is monogamous.
5.) So, you, like, don't ever get jealous?
You know, that's what I was thinking before I opened myself up to the life of polyamory as being a part of me. Yeah, how do you deal with jealousy or do you just not feel it? The short answer, yeah, I do and others do too. Feelings are a part of our human nature but its how we deal that is the power of our personal growth and strength. All too often, we allow our emotions to sway our thoughts and actions without realizing that feelings are just feelings, not facts. Feelings, then, if allowed to exist do not have to rule us. The trick is in not judging them as good or bad, fact or fiction, but allowing ourselves to feel whatever the emotion at the time, watching as it approaches, lives, and then fades away.
You recall, I am a woman with a mood disorder, relationship addictions/codependency, as well as CPTSD. I'm a wash with overwhelming emotions of highs and lows, as well as traumatic pain that sways my thinking. But, this relates to a dysfunction to be worked on throughout my recovery journey and is not based on any of my romantic preferences. Rather, if I were purely monogamous or purely polyamorous, I would experience these regardless.
Thus, the emotional disorders are a pathological dysfunction that I work on in order to improve my overall health throughout my recovery journey which affords a more positive experience in all of my relationship styles.
That being said, the key here is honesty within self and with others. Sitting down and self-examining and taking the time to connect with your partners and friends through deep discussion that helps support others process towards healing and authenticity individually as well as collectively.
6.) You are a sinner and have strayed from the Righteous Christian Path.
Aw, hello there, my fundie friends of old. How are you doing? Thank you for your concern for me and my wellbeing. I need not try to prove to you that I am at peace and quite happy, in fact am more so than when I fellowshipped along side you, although those times remain very cherished within my heart, as I know that I cannot due to where you are at in your life journey's evolution.
At this moment, that is the extent of the answers I can give to bring more clarity to the new stage of my life awareness. This discovery is new for me but as I increasingly become more comfortable being open and honest, I feel more grounded and complete, comfortable within my own skin. Furthermore, I do not have the desire to seek out salvation from another or external source, but find that fullness and security within, which affords me to truthfully see and love those brought into my path.
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