You are not alone, your abuse is real, you do not deserve to live this way, you have done nothing wrong.
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Yesterday, June 1st, 2022, was a day of victory not just for Johnny Depp, but for all victims of intimate partner violence/domestic abuse, specifically that of cis-male survivors perpetrated by their cis-female counterparts.
By now, I have shared numerous times that I am a victim of IPV, specifically from my ex-husband, but also from previous romantic entanglements as well as, some degree, family, friends, colleagues, and church. The degree of which occurred in my relations pertaining to my abusers is not what I want to further share at this moment, have in the past, but don't dwell on or over-share because it's not what defines me. However, I do feel it significant that I accept my past history in order to be an authentic outspoken advocate for domestic abuse as well as a support of those also suffering so that they can reclaim. With that, I have an active facebook group, Survivors Of Emotional Abuse, with group members of all genders have come together to share and support one another in their journeys towards healing. (I also have a group pertaining towards spiritual abuse for similar purposes.) Through these conversations and connections, I have been able to witness firsthand the stigma and invalidation cis-male victims of female perpetrators have experienced once leaving the relationship. The disbelief that a cis-male could be the victim in a domestic abuse relationship is difficult to perceive and therefore discredited. More often than not, the woman perpetrator proclaims herself the victim, and as we have seen with Amber Heard, society, in general, believes her and vilifies the male victim.
As seen in the chart above, the percentage of male victims who have reported their abuse is lower than female victims. However, this does not mean that women are abused more often than males, rather, this reflects what has been reported.
Long before the abuse becomes physical, many other tactics are implemented to control, subdue, dominate, as well, there is a cycle to the abuse: tension building, violence, honeymoon, finally, calm.
In each phase, the abuser uses the tactics described above as a means to ensnare and keep their victim hostage. During the honeymoon and calm phase, the victim is expected to forget the abuse and forgive, thus done, the abuser once again has the power and the cycle continues.
As seen in the chart above, the prevalence of abuse used from cis-female to cis-male appears to be higher in the non-physical in a variety of ways than physical. This facet has been shared with me by my cis-male friends that have experienced domestic violence from their cis-female partner or spouse. However, this does not signify that cis-female to cis-male is never physical, but may be demonstrated in different ways than in cis-male to cis-female. As we have seen documented in the case of Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard, there were elements of physical abuse used throughout the tactics of manipulation.
The reasoning behind abuse often given is that the perpetrator wants to hold power and dominance over their victim. This week I read an article by a woman claiming that Johnny Depp could not be the victim because his older age and role in society puts him in a higher place of dominance than Amber Heard. Evidence shared during the trial proves otherwise as well as Johnny Depp's re-telling of his history of violence perpetrated by his own mother. (Johnny Depp reveals childhood abuse from ‘violent’ and ‘cruel’ mother and says drug-taking was to ‘numb feelings’) In addition, a person's status in society may not resemble how they interact and behave within the confines of private relationship. The reality of past trauma, possibly not dealt with, affects how a person reacts to current relationship instability leading them to become the submissive, fearful victim.
In conclusion, I do not believe that Amber Heard set the #MeToo Movement back, however, I believe Johnny Depp brought it forward by revealing to the world that cis-males, "Men" too can be victims of intimate partner violence. That said, if you are a cis-male victim and believe you are an IPV victim, here is a resource: https://www.facebook.com/mentoomovement/
You are not alone, your abuse is real, you do not deserve to live this way, you have done nothing wrong.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
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