Johnny Depp/Amber Heard, Part Two: My Thoughts CW: mental illness, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder

 

Beauty queen of only eighteen, she had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her, she always belonged to someone else

For starters, I am "Team Johnny" but I am not anti Team Amber Heard, as if the issues of domestic abuse, destructive relationships, and mental illness should be relegated to that of 'teams'.  As a victim of domestic violence as well as a friend of male victims, I felt strongly for support of Johnny Depp, still do, and am very grateful that the truth has won out at last.  (Please see the Part One of this series: https://artistthriving.blogspot.com/2022/06/johnny-deppamber-heard-part-one-my.html). To my discredit, in full honesty, I was one that jumped on the bandwagon of "Amber Heard is a narcissist", even while understanding somewhat the vast differences between calling someone a 'narcissist' and the diagnosis of 'narcissist personality disorder'.  I did not know that those who I was allying myself in this regard and able to attend the trials were booing and hissing at Ms. Heard as she entered and exited the courtroom.  As a victim of intimate personal violence, I have learned that the best way to have victory over an abuser is to move forward into a successful, thriving life and not to attack in kind.  (See: Success is the best revenge!)  This includes not engaging in like abusive fashion towards the abuser, for that is allowing that person to become as a victim and feel a sense of victory.  

Then, the legal team of Johnny Depp (please notice the clarification difference in teams) brought forth a psychiatrist who had examined Amber Heard and found the dual diagnoses of Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder.  Thus, my thoughts on Amber's abusive actions and reasoning behind shifted a bit.  I have made clearly known that I am a person living with Bipolar Disorder and CPTSD.  In the early years of my recovery, I hungrily read through several books on mental illness of many a variety and studied books on psychology.  I even picked up and read through the recent edition of the DSM (See: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).  At one point in my journey, I was misdiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder in conjunction with Bipolar Disorder which started my journey on devouring all things personality disorders.  It is important to note here the similarities and overlap between these two diagnoses as well as others in the DSM.  All too frequently, those diagnosed with one disorder also have a comorbidity with another.  (I also want to add that it was later reported that I did not have BPD, but in fact have CPTSD and Bipolar which often can resemble BPD and will share this discovery in a later entry.)

Comorbidity refers to having more than one chronic illness at once. Of all the people who experience mental disorders in the U.S. (roughly one in five), 45% of them meet the criteria for two or more disorders. That's almost one in ten people who may be dealing with simultaneous mental illnesses

Thus, from my studies, I want to express the differences between that of someone struggling with borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder (or both simultanously), and that of the other cluster B diagnoses.  First, I must state that I am not a certified psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist or mental health practitioner, only one with a hunger to understand as an empathic advocate as another with a mental health condition.  Thus, the essential difference between that of APD/NPD and BPD/HPD, from my research, is that of level of conscience, the former being a lack thereof (especially with Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) and the latter having an understanding of right and wrong.

 

The fact of conscience as well as the symptoms of both Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder changes the reasoning behind Amber Heard's actions in her relationship with Johnny Depp as well as that reported in other relationships.  If these diagnoses be correct (and often times in one's recovery there can be many a misdiagnosis), then Amber Heard does feel a semblance of guilt and remorse over her actions.  From my research in the past and during the writing of this, a person with BPD has a maladaptive way of thinking that they believe to be correct based on the emotional upheaval and trauma throughout their lives.

Borderline personality disorder is a mental health disorder that impacts the way you think and feel about yourself and others, causing problems functioning in everyday life. It includes self-image issues, difficulty managing emotions and behavior, and a pattern of unstable relationships.

It is true that I have spent less time with Histrionic Personality Disorder but I have done some bit of research for this article as well as in the past.  From those studies, I have found that the need to be the center of attention with one who struggles with HPD is based on a need for validation and escape from a feeling of emptiness.

A histrionic personality disorder, or commonly known as a dramatic personality disorder, is a psychiatric disorder distinguished by a pattern of exaggerated emotionality and attention-seeking behaviors. A histrionic personality disorder is categorized within the "Cluster B" of personality disorders.

Thus, Amber Heard's instability in her interpersonal relationships, if these diagnoses be accurate, is based on past trauma undealt with that has formed her frame of thinking increasing her need to find security, validation, and escape from the inner turmoil and pain within.  This does not mean she is not guilty of defamation and needs to be held accountable for her actions.  In the contrary, I believe she does and that this may be the reckoning that brings about a realization of her need for healing.  From this, then, it is another important reason why lashing out at her in kind is not helpful for the situation without or within.  In addition, I feel strong consideration and care should be taken for the safety of her daughter until which time that Amber Heard takes her treatment and recovery seriously.  I do not believe that the child should be taken from her entirely, but rather believe wholeheartedly in the ability for a person with BPD and HPD to live a healthy and fulfilling life.  It takes time and a lot of work to unravel the thought processes and the trauma damages that brought about the reactions of her actions, but through the efforts of recovery one can live a meaningful life.  And, if these diagnoses of Amber are correct, she, too can have this life, it may not be what she hoped for as a Hollywood actress, but her life can be joyful and peaceful if she commits to her recovery and mental health journey.

Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay a while
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

She Will Be Loved

If you or someone you love is suffering with symptoms of mental illness, please contact: www.nami.org

Johnny Depp/Amber Heard, Part One: My Thoughts TW: domestic abuse, Intimate Partner Violence

 

You are not alone, your abuse is real, you do not deserve to live this way, you have done nothing wrong. 

Because Of You

I lose my way

And it's not too long before you point it out

I cannot cry

Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh

Every day of my life

My heart can't possibly break

When it wasn't even whole to start with

Yesterday, June 1st, 2022, was a day of victory not just for Johnny Depp, but for all victims of intimate partner violence/domestic abuse, specifically that of cis-male survivors perpetrated by their cis-female counterparts. 

By now, I have shared numerous times that I am a victim of IPV, specifically from my ex-husband, but also from previous romantic entanglements as well as, some degree, family, friends, colleagues, and church.  The degree of which occurred in my relations pertaining to my abusers is not what I want to further share at this moment, have in the past, but don't dwell on or over-share because it's not what defines me.  However, I do feel it significant that I accept my past history in order to be an authentic outspoken advocate for domestic abuse as well as a support of those also suffering so that they can reclaim.  With that, I have an active facebook group, Survivors Of Emotional Abuse, with group members of all genders have come together to share and support one another in their journeys towards healing.  (I also have a group pertaining towards spiritual abuse for similar purposes.)  Through these conversations and connections, I have been able to witness firsthand the stigma and invalidation cis-male victims of female perpetrators have experienced once leaving the relationship.  The disbelief that a cis-male could be the victim in a domestic abuse relationship is difficult to perceive and therefore discredited.  More often than not, the woman perpetrator proclaims herself the victim, and as we have seen with  Amber Heard, society, in general, believes her and vilifies the male victim.  

As seen in the chart above, the percentage of male victims who have reported their abuse is lower than female victims.  However, this does not mean that women are abused more often than males, rather, this reflects what has been reported.  

Long before the abuse becomes physical, many other tactics are implemented to control, subdue, dominate, as well, there is a cycle to the abuse: tension building, violence, honeymoon, finally, calm.

In each phase, the abuser uses the tactics described above as a means to ensnare and keep their victim hostage.  During the honeymoon and calm phase, the victim is expected to forget the abuse and forgive, thus done, the abuser once again has the power and the cycle continues.  

As seen in the chart above, the prevalence of abuse used from cis-female to cis-male appears to be higher in the non-physical in a variety of ways than physical.  This facet has been shared with me by my cis-male friends that have experienced domestic violence from their cis-female partner or spouse.  However, this does not signify that cis-female to cis-male is never physical, but may be demonstrated in different ways than in cis-male to cis-female.  As we have seen documented in the case of Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard, there were elements of physical abuse used throughout the tactics of manipulation.  

TW: All the Times Amber Heard Admits to Violence / Hitting Johnny Depp Audio Recordings

The reasoning behind abuse often given is that the perpetrator wants to hold power and dominance over their victim.  This week I read an article by a woman claiming that Johnny Depp could not be the victim because his older age and role in society puts him in a higher place of dominance than Amber Heard.  Evidence shared during the trial proves otherwise as well as Johnny Depp's re-telling of his history of violence perpetrated by his own mother.  (Johnny Depp reveals childhood abuse from ‘violent’ and ‘cruel’ mother and says drug-taking was to ‘numb feelings’)  In addition, a person's status in society may not resemble how they interact and behave within the confines of private relationship.  The reality of past trauma, possibly not dealt with, affects how a person reacts to current relationship instability leading them to become the submissive, fearful victim.  

In conclusion, I do not believe that Amber Heard set the #MeToo Movement back, however, I believe Johnny Depp brought it forward by revealing to the world that cis-males, "Men" too can be victims of intimate partner violence.  That said, if you are a cis-male victim and believe you are an IPV victim, here is a resource: https://www.facebook.com/mentoomovement/

You are not alone, your abuse is real, you do not deserve to live this way, you have done nothing wrong. 

Breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly

I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky

And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change

And breakaway

My Take On The Johnny Depp Libel Case, By A Domestic Abuse 'Thriver'

I have been following the Johnny Depp libel case the last few weeks, wherein he is suing the British newspaper, The Sun, for its op-ed penned by his ex-wife, Amber Heard.  As a victim of domestic abuse and a myriad of other abusive situations, this story got my attention.

I do need to pause a bit.  I have a great affinity for Johnny Depp as I grew up watching him in such a plethora of roles and have always admired his work as an actor and artist.  He is an original, when all is said in done, there is none like Johnny nor has ever been, nor will ever been.  In truth, just looking at the above photo brings a warm feeling to my celebrity crush heart.  I think we can all relate to that feeling of "that face" that happens when we are reared up watching the likes of certain celebrities.  

In addition to that,  I think it's very important, especially for a female victim of domestic abuse as myself, to set aside the unspoken belief that women are always the victims, men the perpetrators of domestic violence.  I have several male friends that can attest to their victimhood and from whom I can see glimpses of how the domestic abuse from a woman to man differs from that of man to woman.  

That said, I cannot at once proclaim that Amber Heard is the abuser and Johnny Depp the victim.  What I can see firstly is that the nature of the relationship was tumultuous.  

However, from what I have gleaned from the news on the trial, is that Amber Heard's allegations are just that and also should be considered hearsay.  I say this, knowing full well my affinity for Mr. Depp as well as my position as a survivor of domestic abuse.  For a good degree of her claims have been backed up by accurate representations not to be refuted by Johnny Depp's side.  Such as, the famous poop in the bed scenario, the bruises on Amber's face that were there and then weren't there (make-up? another perp that wasn't Johnny?), that leaves the whole business a mess of confusion.

From what I can see, my non-legal minded viewpoint, Johnny Depp is not necessarily innocent, but is generally not the one with the abusive inclinations.  I hope that the jury will take that into consideration, not based on his fame, but based on the reality that men are not always the perpetrators.  I have seen videos of Johnny Depp angrily slamming cabinets, banging dishes, with Amber whining off screen, "what happened? you were so sweet this morning?"  and my first thought wasn't, "oh poor Amber" but rather, "Yeah, a symptom of abuse".  

It is said that there are 7 tactics abusers use upon their victims, whether that be a partner, a friend, or a co-worker (a side note: I am a victim of all three, and more!).  Provided here is a link to this article about these 7 tactics:  7 Emotional Abuse Tactics In Relationships That Can Seem Innocent At First.  It is my belief that Amber Heard used these not only in her relationship with Johnny Depp but also in her other relationships, be it romantic, familial, or other.  

See:  The double life of Amber

See: Video shows 'Amber Heard beat up her sister Whitney', High Court told

As far as the above video regarding Amber Heard's sister, I can understand the notion of wanting to protect one's family relations and secrets.  I have been in similar situations in my life.  I know now on the other side of it all, that living in the truth is far better than trying to protect those victimizing, whomever they may be.  Even at the loss of supposed special relationships, living in the freedom of the truth brings true peace.  I suspect this is the case of Whitney Heard.

It is evident from these documents that Amber Heard has abused in the past, so it can be assumed that she acted similarly in her relationship with Johnny Depp.  Thus follows, she is not the innocent victim that she claims to be.  It can be assumed that she will abuse again, that this is a pattern of hers and continually she finds a way to manipulate and hide any evidence of wrongdoing.  

So, what of Mr. Johnny Depp? Am I playing favorites because of my long-standing viewing of his films and respect?  Possibility, a little, but I am trying my best to not do that.  But, from the research I have done including watching a video leaked of him (filmed by Ms. Heard) of him angrily hitting cabinets and such, it leads me back to the belief that he was a victim of domestic abuse. 

How can I explain these behaviors that were not seen in his previous romantic relationships?  Well, first of all, the allegations of violence are just that allegations, have shown evidence of what actually happened, and indeed there is actual photography of abuse repercussions against Johnny Depp from Amber Heard's actions.

So, why the footage then of Johnny's outbursts? Two reasons that I can see, and granted I was not present in the relationship or situation.  Firstly, and Johnny Depp has admitted this, the evidence of drug and alcohol dependency affected his mood, which he has called "his sickness".  He has not been shy about admitting to this or its effects in his time on trial.  Second, from a personal viewpoint, when one is in an abusive situation, one often reacts and behaves in a way that is not at all like who they are or have they have reacted and behaved in ways in the past and in past relationships.  For one, I can look back at my time in my abusive marriage situation and hold my head in shame in the ways I behaved towards my abusive spouse as well as towards those I came into contact.  For the most part, I have done my best to apologize and remedy the situation to those I wronged, as much as is possible.  I know that I said and acted in ways that were not appropriate but can personally attest that they were reactions to feelings of being unheard, smothered, silenced, to be blunt, abused.  From my personal history and from hearing the background of others' relations with Johnny Depp, I believe that his outbursts were the result of both the drug and alcohol addictions as well as his reacting from the abuse of Amber Heard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nhz9PCbnkkQ

When I watch this footage, I must admit I feel a sense of relating to Johnny Depp.  I admit I don't know the situation that came before or why he is in the mood he is in, but I cannot help but feel that this behavior and reaction is based on his overall abusive situation and marriage to Amber Heard.

Words fail me....but I know I said and acted in ways that were not me based on my being in my abusive marriage.  I lashed out with verbal abusive angry remarks towards friends due to my ex-husband's influence, while he stood by the innocent bystander shocked by my outburst, then to be further used against me.  My history with abusive types stretches far and wide beyond just an abusive marriage but goes into co-workers, friends, former boyfriends, all with similar tactics.  My mind was spun around until crazy and confused, the 7 tactics of emotional abuse used on me, then my abuser (whether husband, lover, or friend) would turn immediately becoming sweet, submissive, yielding, and so appreciative.  My mind was in total disarray and confusion. I lived from one minute to the next, not in the state of blissful serenity as the meditators speak of, but in fear of....what mood is he or she in? Because of my propensity to fall into abusive relationship patterns, I have lived too many years of my life seeking to please an uncertain mood of my abuser, whatever the relationship may be.  I am on the path toward healing and realization that true and healthy relationships are equal in sharing and loving.

Amber Heard may win this case, whereas the jury may side with The Sun and Johnny Depp may lose the lawsuit.  However, ultimately, no matter the outcome of the case, I believe Johnny Depp will win.  The court of opinion will over-rule.  The case has shown that the relationship was of such tumultuousness that it is difficult to prove absolute abuse on either side.  Even in my marriage, it has been 9 years since I married and the two years I was with him, I have managed to put behind me as I move forward.  I have that luxury as I hold no connections, no children or property connecting us save emotional ties, but still there is this inner tendency to want to prove my story.  

Johnny Depp will win, even if his career in Hollywood flounders, because he is free.  He has been allowed to have his side of the story heard, shown evidence, and stood his ground.  I cannot imagine, as a fellow abuse victim, that this trial has been easy for him yet perhaps it has helped lighten the load as the information unfolds and the truth is revealed.  As I have found, not all people will believe his side, but those that don't believe, that side with the alleged abuser, are not true friends to be counted on and must be let go in order to continue the journey of living one's truth and finding wholeness.

This has been an intense blog to write for myself, because it brought up so much of my own abuse history.  For that reason, I finalize this article with this song: I'm Sensitive

I was thinking that I might fly today

Just to disprove all the things that you say

It doesn't take a talent to be mean

Your words can crush things that are unseen

So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive

And I'd like to stay that way

So, what do you think of what I wrote? Agree? Disagree? Doesn't matter, just comment below and I will do my best to comply.  I respect all viewpoints as long as they are civil.

The Thriving Artist blog is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, a film and media company intent on birthing media raising awareness on social issues.  Support us at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions

In addition, I wrote and co-starred in a webseries entitled "Nate & Laura & How They Met" available on Youtube and Facebook.  One of the main characters deals with domestic abuse.  Check it out here: Nate & Laura & How They Met