On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me
In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us
Last week, during the beginning phase of that crazy week long election storm, I sat down and created a YouTube video using songs from Les Misérables, namely "One Day More" and "Do You Hear The People Sing" to represent the revolutionary spirit felt in the air, (which led me down the rabbit hole of other YouTube songs from the musical, Les Misérables, mostly that of the character, Eponine.
For those of you who don't know the story of Les Misérables, which originated as a book by Victor Hugo, then began a world renowned musical theatrical piece, and in recent years has been made into both musical and non musical movies, well, I'll give you the Cliff's Notes version. The story is set basically during the French Revolution, which already we can connect with in our current crazy political landscape (am I right?), follows the protagonist, Jean Val jean, from his youth running from the law as an ex-con, on the lam and hiding in plain sight, his raising Cosette, the daughter of his employee (Fantine, we shall discuss her later), then we delve into the variety of characters who become active in the fight for their freedom from oppression, in that list, we meet our beloved girl of the day, Eponine.
Eponine's parents, Monsieur and Madame Thenardier, are not much to speak of with pride. Together they run a tavern and are scoundrels in every sense of the word, seeking their own gain in the lowest of fashions. During the musical number, One Day More, these two can be heard proudly conniving how they will ravage the dead fallen soldiers for what precious goodies they may find, with no remorse. For whatever reason, they produced offspring. In the novel, the eldest is Eponine, followed by sister, Azelma, and little brother, Gavroche. In the play and movie, Azelma is left out.
So, with all this known factors, Eponine is tough, raised to fend for herself first. She is often depicted wearing a cap, boyish clothes, dirty face, and stringy hair but underneath all of that runs a deep well of emotion that is passionate and a force for good. In the quest for love and acceptance, Eponine sacrifices her own ego and desires for the betterment of others. See, Eponine's tragic life has one devastating blow, she is in love with a man who does not reciprocate that love, her childhood friend, Marius. Marius falls in love before Eponine's eyes to another, that of Cosette. Yet, Eponine does not allow the pain of this to persuade her from helping Marius or that of others. In the tragic spectrum of her life, Eponine's strongest asset and deciding factor is her undying, unrequited love for Marius, it is in what gives her hope, perseverance, the desire to see him find happiness above all else, and in the end, peace.
I believe many a women and girl of my age and younger find deep resonance with the story of Eponine, yet she is not the main character of Les Misérables, even so, her story being a side story should not and will not be cast aside. Throughout the tragedy of her life, Eponine in her strength demands her life to have meaning. Thus, I come to the crux of this article.
In the next several weeks, I seek to take a deep dive into the lessons the women of Les Misérables can teach us, Eponine, Fantine, and Cosette, the cycles we go through in our quest for both wholeness and love. I feel that Eponine is the first in our development. Generally, I direct my focus on the female gender but perhaps those of other genders can resonate with these thoughts.
My parents' were gracious enough to take me to see Les Misérables a couple times in San Francisco when it was in its beginning reign in the nineties. I had listened to the cd several times and Eponine's songs on repeat. I looked forward to with such expectancy her story, her songs, her character arc, and connected so deeply with her. This continued throughout my twenties and into my early thirties, when even then, after a heartbreak, I would, at times, find myself walking the street at night, singing her song, On My Own.
I wasn't and am not alone in this fascination and connection with Eponine. At the plays I have attended, I have seen the actress playing Eponine get roaring applause after her featured number, "On My Own", from the audience members of young girls. To this day, Hollywood and the music industry carries with it the strain of unrequited love as its universal theme, showcasing the reality that love is only valid if it is connected to suffering and heartbreak. In my younger years of teenage and twenties, I look back with fondness at this connection. One of my college best friend's, Jamie, and I would have regular girl's nights' which featured us having drinks, eating French fries, and discussing our boy issues, only to head back to our homes, playing "Don't Know Why on repeat.
The story line and character of Eponine, the unrequited love-sick heroine, can be found in a myriad of Hollywood and contemporary pop culture, with the likes of Jewel, Norah Jones, Natalie Imbruglia, and Taylor Swift. Raised on the fantasy of one true love from Disney movies and distraught over the reality of relationship, we find solidarity with our Eponine sisters in sharing our struggles with our romantic partners. The theme behind Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc's romantic comedy, Nate & Laura & How They Met, was based on this quest for love in all its variety of struggle, loss, and healing.
Eponine was the hero of my youth, of so much of my romantic inclinations of the past, as well as many a female counterpart. In our livelihoods as Eponines, we looked down with disdain at the simple hope of love of Cosette, with also jealousy that the story line of Eponine afforded. Yet, I now realize that my time as Eponine afforded me the growth to eventually discover the importance of life as Cosette.
Eponine's unrequited love and heartbreak affords us the understanding and connection with others that have thus experienced. Furthermore, in not finding union with our beloved, we are forced to unite with the one closest to ourselves, our own selves and discover own inner strength. In Eponine's journey, she was murdered by the opposing army, yet in that, she found healing dying in the arms of Marius, and was able to be released to an eternity of peace. We do not need to die physically to find that healing and resolution. For my own part, my struggles living the pathway of Eponine have led me to the strength that has developed into my ability in falling in love with myself. In that love for myself, I find the ability to grow beyond the suffering, to overcome, and find peace within.
Therefore, the years of my life living as Eponine were vital in my overall development as a human being and would not trade any for the strength, the understanding of self and love of self developed. In the suffering of loss and heartbreak, my own version of "A Little Fall Of Rain, in the agony of that, I realized that I could endure on my own, could love myself, persevere, and deepen my sense of self worth in the letting go that would ultimately lead me to my soul's truest love companion.
I don't feel any pain
A little fall of rain
Can hardly hurt me now
You're here, that's all I need to know
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
And rain will make the flowers grow
Thoughts on what you read? How were your Eponine years? What have you learned? Comment below!
The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, In, a film and media company with the emphasis of raising soul awareness and sense of purpose for empowerment. Support us at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions
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