How To Adult. V.2

 

When I Grow Up

When I grow up I'll be stable
When I grow up I'll turn the tables
Trying hard to fit among you
Floating out to wonderland

On June 29th of this year, I posted a blog article entited: Adulting Ain't Hard.  In it, I downplayed the reality that adulting is not a burden, examined the very real idea that our child-like selves longed for adulthood whereas now we desire to return to our innocence, and shared a little about how I have found joy in the art of growing up.  In today's entry, I would like to reflect further on this notion of adulting, growing up, and to offer some insights that have helped shape my self growth during this season of my life.

As a reminder:

In honor of one of my all-time favorite comedians, David Letterman, I will now list the top ten tips for the best way to #adult.  In addition, I will share further insights on each point directly below their numerical level.

10.) Set Daily Schedule

    ---In no way does this schedule have to be the same everyday nor is it set in stone.  For my part, living the life of an entrepreneur with a myriad of normie jobs, as it were, my daily schedule changes every day, based on the employment and needs of the day.  I make a list daily, sometimes the night before, of what I would like to accomplish for the day, but try my best to not berate myself if I do not accomplish, simply make the point to take care of it on the adjoining days to follow.  I am known to carry about with me in my large knapsack style purse (given to me by my good friend, Erin Rose), not one but two paper planners (yes, I still use that style in this age of abundant technology!).  In those, I record necessary appointments, work engagements, and make notes when I complete a certain task significant for my financial gain. 

9.) Meditate, Exercise, & Eat Right.

---This may be triggering to some, as these activities seem to fall by the way side when we become busy with the variety of adult-life, especially our day jobs.  But, as one with a very busy multi-normie job life, I have found that when I set these as part of the daily tasks they become part of the routine and have even found a deep craving from inward for exercise, meditation, and healthy diet that propels me to continue.  Once again, I actively do my best not to berate myself if I find myself lacking in these areas on certain days because I have found that is the first step onto the slippery slope that leads to giving up and becoming over indulgent in low self worth beliefs.  

8.) Define Intentions, Not Goals

---At first glance, these two may seem one and the same.  But, from one who has done monthly vision intention boards, I can say that the difference between is vast.  Goals feel to me a bit more concrete and therefore seem more earth shattering if not reached and obtained.  Intentions are mind-set focuses that help motivate how time is best spent to more forward.  For example, setting the goal that one will raise X amount of money by a certain deadline may or may not come to pass and if it doesn't will result in feelings of failure.  However, setting the intention of raising the funds motivates to accomplish but provides the mindset that circumstances of life may not bring about that desired end result at such and such time.  Life is uncertain, we can never know what may arise around the bend, thus intentions help provide the flexibility to ride the wave of change and maintain the focus to reach desired outcome regardless of whatever may befall.  As my Grandpa Walt used to quote, "Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."

7.) Life is cyclical.  

---All of life mirrors that of the natural world, both inner and outer, yet when you really think about it, it's all inner, right? I mean, the catchphrase on this blog is "What You Visualize Becomes Your Reality", thus the inner motivations and thought patterns manifests the outer reality.  As we travel through the varied experiences of our existence, we find that each intention set is reached in the appropriate time it was meant to be, the cycle of that accomplishes, lessons learned based on these cycles.  Too often we see pitfalls as weaknesses and a means to destroy our psyche and self worth, whereas we celebrate with great magnitude the high highs.  Our stability then is a rocky boat on a stormy ocean as we based the conditions of our reality on the outward.  Our inner peace is lacking because we base our worth on what we achieve and how we feel we are perceived by others.  Seeming to fail gives us reason to give up, to not try, and not as lessons to persevere, adapt, and grow more into ourselves.  The emphasis here to is to celebrate all that life brings forward, both the highs and the lows.

6.) Success is today, not in the future.

---This may seem contradictory as I mentioned earlier about setting intentions for our own forward movement.  But, no this is an essential truth in the overall picture of our mental, emotional, and spiritual health.  For, however regardless if we choose to set goals or intentions, once we reach our desired destinies we simply won't be able to feel the pride and joy from such accomplishments if we do not carry within that peace and joy in our present reality.  Success, then, is truly of the mind and an inner based reality, not based on anything external.

5.) Continue always in your own self-work and healing.

---Basically, seek to not fear, run from, or hide from your own feelings, in all their variety, as well as your inner demons and darkness.  This is hard work and I can attest is often fraught.  The road to such is spent with much falling back and rising again, in each there are lessons to be learned and much healing is found in the falling down.  As mentioned in #5, lots of times the greatest lessons to our inner growth is found in the darkest times, for what we learn in those valleys is the key to overcoming the battles of our inner darkness.  So to, pushing through and moving into the light of true peace, brings about the true feeling of accomplishment and success, not found in the material.

4.) Reframe, reframe, reframe!

---As I talked about in my July 14th article entitled: Reframing, the pathway to shifting our reality is to change our thinking.  In my early days of recovery, when my days were spent in the deepest of depression, one notion that was taught to me by my therapist and self-help books was "Change the Scene".  The idea being that when feeling overwhelmed with the pangs of depression, change your current mindset by actively changing your activity and environment.  This may not be something entirely drastic, it can be the simple act of turning off the television, getting up, and sitting outside in the sunlight.  This idea has been the framework that has been the enhancement of my overall life and has morphed from the simple to the profound.  My life expanded into the realm of possibility when I simply began the process of reframing, realizing how much my beliefs of lack of self worth or undeserving of love (stemming from years of abuse) shaped my external choices and actions, was the first step to making the change to eliminate the toxic element both inner and outer.  If I had not made the simple decisions way back in the times of intense depression of 2007-2008, to simply change the scene, I would not have the wherewithal to reframe my thinking, making a complete overhaul of my beliefs by eliminating that which was holding me back, in fact, dragging me downward, in all truth, the toxic.  

3.) Be mindful.

---This is a process and comes about once the above 7 are firmly in place.  Mindfulness is a state of being, of taking each step with deliberate focus, each thought one patiently after the other, not judging or degrading, but simply being. 

2.) Always seek inner validation, not external.

---As I discussed in the entry, Do You Validate?, so much of our wellbeing is based on others' approval  and most of our interactions is through social media.  Thus, I coined the term "social media validation", the constant seeking approval for any goings-on in our lives, whether positive or negative, seeking guidance outward rather than to try on your own, and attempting to escape from one's own inner darkness.  I'm not saying that connection with another human is in itself bad, in fact, its absolutely necessary.  But if we seek out friendships for our own sense of wellbeing and approval, then the relationship is not valid nor true, rather one-sided and not coming from a place of unconditional love.  This discovery of true connection in relationship is a continuous lesson in all of our self-growth, and one of which I find myself on as well.

1.) Be child-like in your #adulting

---First, let me emphasize, "child-like", not "childish".  That's right, there is a difference.  I don't emphasize crybaby meltdowns in attempts to get out of your adult requirements and duties, those are acts of manipulations and lessons that should have been overcome in your younger years.  In all honesty, as a woman living with the mental health condition of Bipolar Type 2, I can openly admit that I struggled with and still at times struggle with these seemingly childish outbursts.  However, as mentioned in #5, I am increasingly learning to view my emotions not with fear or weaknesses, but am allowing myself to truly feel, explore, and heal through them.  

That said, I believe this be the #1 pathway to #adulting, that of seeing everything we have to do as "grown-ups" with the child-like wonderment and joy at its newness.  In short, view each task as a sort of game.  When I was actively working as a nanny, the young girl often left me with marvel at the wonder she saw in each moment and the excitement over what I find mundane.  I would often joke about how I should mimic how she runs from place to place in my daily errands and duties around town.  This influenced my overall mindset developed from her insights that life can be a game and I, too, can view each moment with that wonderment.  In truth, I found the pathway to truly growing up, healing and re-parenting, in reliving and truly embodying that child-like wonder once again.

Never Grow Up

Oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

So, these above are my insights on how to #adult without fear or wanting to escape.  Got your own top ten? Feel free to share below.

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, a media production company with the emphasis of showing how we thrive, not merely survive.  Support us at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions