Reframing

Cognitive re-framing is a psychological technique that consists of identifying and then changing the way situations, experiences, events, ideas, and/or emotions are viewed. Cognitive re-framing is the process by which such situations or thoughts are challenged and then changed.

For most of my life, I have experienced crippling depression and anxiety that has founded and enhanced my belief in my unworthiness and doubt of my deserving of love and quality relationships.  This has caused me to not only continually seek out and sustain abuse and toxic relationships, both romantic and otherwise, as well as find other ways to sabotage my own pathway to success in achieving my dreams.

In short, my lack of confidence debilitated my journey to achieve and receive success, healthy relationships, and a quality life-style.

For the many years that I have been in and out of therapy, I have learned a catchphrase that has helped bring me out of the pit of depression, at certain times, this being "change the scene".  When I find myself in a pit of despair, the idea behind "change the scene" is to rise up and move away from whatever you are doing.  This works momentarily to help not fall down the rabbit hole of doom spiraling into one's personal pit of hell.  This technique has helped bring me out of the slump, but it has done more than that on the long term.

For getting me out of the spiraling downward darkness of my own hell helps me to find peace in order to truly seek out the root causes behind the depression and anxiety.  What I discovered then, through years of soul-searching and the journey towards mental wellness, is my unwavering belief in my unworthiness.   However, knowing the root causes and using "change the scene" was only the beginning.  In moments of hig stress, I still find myself spiraling to the lowest forms of depression, even contemplating ending my life, but with the support of much love from quality friendships, I have slowly been able to overcome.  Continuing this thread, I have sustained this belief by my usage of words and thoughts.  

Thus, brings me to the title of this blog, 're-framing' and as the definition above states:  Cognitive re-framing is the process by which such situations or thoughts are challenged and then changed.  

Last year was seemingly a hard year yet it was a growing year of expanding my spiritual and emotional awareness.  Without a stable income, I found myself with the continual ache in my stomach.  What I have discovered is, when one arena of the soul is in imbalance, the rest of the soul suffers.  As I began working and regaining my footing financially, the rest of my soul began to find balance.  

Instead of saying to myself, "I'm so broke so I cannot pay the cost to re-up the website for my business" and finding myself following down into the fears of lack and concerns of disapproval, I re-framed the thought by finding a new web-site company that would charge considerably less and began to say to myself, then to others, "I am re-branding the website".  That is merely one example and one of the first that changed my thinking to move me beyond the feelings of doubting my abilities and my self worth.

I also began realizing that significant relationships in my life were abusive, toxic, even those who were seemingly helping me in my business were, in fact, takers, those who were along for the ride for their own gain, who would use me, discredit me, manipulate me for their own career boost, then play the victim if I defended or stood up for myself.  Once and for all, I stood up for myself by removing myself from their friendship altogether.  I still struggle with trust issues when it comes to relationships but I am increasingly making active choices to engage with healthy individuals who are themselves also on the path to wellness, some who have even struggled with abuse and other similar issues of insecurity.  We are in the path to recovery together, helping each other, building each other up, side by side, not tearing down for our own benefit.

This re-framing has allowed me to look back on my past accomplishments, both in my career and my personal life, and find pride in the achieving.  The end results may not have been perfect, I may not have always gotten it right, but I completed the project, I learned, I grew, I overcame.  In the past, I viewed these accomplishments with shame, allowing the haters, the abusers, the jealous, the takers, to silence my voice as they sought to belittle and overpower.  

However, along the way I found people whose support remains unwavering, who have proved their friendship to be true, while those that did not have slipped along the wayside.  Increasingly, as I step into my own worth, I find such positive relationships flowing towards me.  As the quote on the top of the blog states, 

"What you visualize becomes your reality".  

Begin today, my friend, the journey to re-frame your thinking.  It's a slow process, yes, so start with one aspect of your day.  It can be a minute daily struggle that you turn to a lesson or it can be the larger aspect of turning away from a toxic relationship, despite the heartbreak, knowing that it's more painful to remain than withdraw.  Just take that one baby step each day to re-frame and change your thinking, with that empowerment of your soul will emerge and sustain.  

Anything that is worthwhile doesn't come easy. ---Lia Rose Dugal

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