The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.--Lao Tzu
First off, I want to make it very clear that it overjoys me that the new normal is to embrace ourselves fully, love ourselves as we are, no matter the shape, size, or any other mark of physicality. As a person who struggled the majority of her life with body dysmorphia (and still does to some extent) and anorexia nervosa (and still does to some extent), I find this to be refreshing. Just the whole nature of the growing acceptance of mental illness as a viable ailment alongside the sicknesses of the physical is welcoming and heart-warming to someone like myself who has fought the good fight for many a year to erase stigma. Regardless of the fact that many still eye those with major mental health conditions as myself with suspect and judgment, regardless of the fact that many use the idea of mental health as a 'get out of jail free card' from relationship and other commitments, I still see this progress as upward advancement in this cause. By saying the above, I do not want to negate those with mental health struggles who experience breakdowns without receiving treatment due to the rigorous life-style our country's social norms of living enforces on them. I believe we still have a long way to go in order to guarantee mental health support and coverage for all, without fear of stigma or judgment.
That said, today's article will focus on the truth that mental health begins within. I am proud of myself and my friends who openly love themselves outwardly for how they look and am disgusted with the body shaming that has occured for far too long. I, for one, being a person of slender stature have experienced this, albeit differently, just like my friends and colleagues that are of larger stature. For the most part, I have experienced the backlash of hatred, jealousy, or judgment stemming from others viewpoint about they way I look, dress, and, behave inappropriately in their eyes. I have both been scene as a slut just because of the barbie doll body I was gifted with by genetics, been an object of sexual lust regardless of whether I accept it or not which has caused my other attributes of intelligence and humor to be devalued, and been seen as a threat by other women as a potential 'boyfriend stealer'. I cannot and will not begin to evaluate why these have made this judgment calls against me, their journeys are theirs to discover and only they know the reasoning of why they believe what they do and know what they need to do to become healthy, so I rest on their capable shoulders to do just that. But I do know the result of such negativity forced on me personally.
Thus, finding out that I had both Bipolar Disorder Type 1 and Celiac Disease was my saving grace. Why? Because it forced me to slow down, to enter the journey of psychotherapy of a variety of kind, to look inward at why I made the choice to abuse the outward.
Along the way, I did discover my fears of weight gain and that my sense of worth was wrapped up in my outward appearance. As I look at the equation above, I would now say that healthy mind should come before healthy body, for what it's worth, because it's in cleansing the inner that true health becomes a reality. Believe me, I know the fears that come from beginning the journey within and can say that it's a life-long quest, one that will unfold as the layers of an onion as more and more is discovered, healed, and released. Beginning in the year 2006 until today, I can say that this journey of mine has not always been a bed of roses and it is not something that I can say I have arrived at with fullness, or mastered. I do not and will not ever receive my Phd in self-discovery and wellness, but the joy and peace found in the process is what makes it worthwhile.
To relate this all to the idea of body pride, I do rejoice in the acceptance of the outward. However, and this may cause an upset, I feel that the outward pride-filled explanation of one's appearance and physicality may be, in fact, an excuse to not seek true healing. As I have mentioned before, anything may become a drug, a drug being that which distracts from one's pain. For my part, I used my ability to starve my body as a means to escape, a drug as it were, meaning to control the pain within.
Without wanting to trigger anxiety in my beloved readers and friends, I wish to encourage true healing which means going into the dreaded darkness of your inner pain, letting yourself dive deep into the places you seek to escape, and remaining still as you work through the process of being relieved. I am a firm advocate for seeking help for mental struggles from a qualified psychiatrist and therapist, but I also believe in the vast majority of support groups available as well as the plethora of self-help books found at any bookstore, library, or online.
Do not delay, my beloveds, from seeking true healing. For despite the fears you may feel at the prospect, the joy found in the abundance of true wholeness and wellness far outweighs the momentary happiness found in the false escape of outward proclamation.
Look within first, then the outward healing will come. And remember, as the quote at the top of this entry states:
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.--Lao Tzu
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