A Very Open Letter To My Frenemies

Okay, here's the thing, I'm titling this letter "VERY OPEN" because if any reader happens to imagine themselves in the rank of "frenemy" of mine, for reasons either known between the two of us or imagined in their own head, then by all means this letter is open to counter with your comments below.  

And, yeah, I'll say it.  I have frenemies, even dare I say, enemies, which when it comes down to it anyone who is not a true friend is just that, an enemy.  But the cute little catchy "frenemy" has grown in popularity to define a sort of subset between not quite friends, not quite enemies.  How Junior High Adolescent like we can be all the way through the varied years of our lives!

So, yes, I admit I have a frenemy or two or three or four or....who knows?  And, you know what, I am pretty damn proud and unashamed to admit that.  Why, you ask, could you ever be so proud to admit you are perhaps hated by another that you once called friend? 

Well, for the very reason there is an "enemy" in fre-nemy because they were never truly a friend. Instead, they were someone with whom came into my life for the select purpose of their own gain, providing nothing in the relationship only that which will benefit them, and once they have received said item, away they go.  Unless, of course, you have the good fortunate, as I have in very recent times, to catch them at their game.  Frenemies do not like to be called out, they will pout, they will throw hissy fits, angrily they will go behind your back to gossip and turn others against you.  Be not afraid, true friends will never leave despite your changing behavior and mood, come what may, despite any rumors that may be spread.  True friends will come to you and address said rumors, seeking out your side of the story.  True friends are the ones that, in the end, will remain.

But, this is not about friends, nay, but about my frenemies and the reasoning behind why I am damn proud of having such individuals in my life at significant time periods.  Frenemies vary from narcissistic types bent on full abuse and control (a church leader might fall here, or a parental figure, or a lover of a sort), to acquaintances through work or other activity who suddenly bind themselves to you when they feel they have something to gain, and those that fall somewhere in between.  So, yeah there is a big gamut of what can be seen as 'abusers' in our lives and I feel that I have experienced the that full arrayed assortment.

But, I am getting better at noticing it sooner and therein lies the crux as to why I am thankful for these receivers and takers, never giving unless it will benefit them.  I am thankful because they're unending taking and abuse led me down the path to discovering my true worth based on that which I do not deserve.  Furthermore, the strength I discovered from walking away from the connection to the abusive frenemy, that which followed months upon months, even years, of my being the blunt end of the manipulation, feeling unheard, under-appreciated, and invalidated, so much that there was a constant fear of misstep and facing their wrath, has empowered me again and again to do what's right for me in seeking my freedom and my mental well-being.  

In addition to stepping back from the toxic, I now notice how at peace I feel in all my encounters.  The daily struggle of life, sometimes that temporary "oh fuckin shit" moment where even the slightest error occurs doesn't rock me nearly as frequent or as long.  I have noticed clarity in my connections and relations to others, that an abundance of healthy souls are coming into my life, who give just as much as they take and insist that I receive as well.  I am now in a myriad of relationships where I feel heard, appreciated, validated, and able to express myself more and more to the fullest of who I am.

Lastly, my creativity soars to new levels as I finally feel the freedom to explore avenues of life I was afraid at one point to venture upon, lest it hinder my connection to certain frenemy types or cause insult.  Furthermore, I am not out to gain the numbers, to head to the top of the class, to reach fame, fortune, stardom, and 'trendsetting', no, if I get two readers on this or 2,000, the act of creating is the same.  I create because I feel the inspiration and need to do just that.   How many view said item is not up to me nor is it in my power or worthy of my time to agonize over, I must simply create and in that realm I truly enjoy the imagination-fueled artistic process. 

So, I thank you, dear frenemy.  I thank you for the happy memories we shared.  I thank you for the toxicity I endured from you, for from both gave me the strength to realize what healthy relationships are and the courage to make the choice to leave that which was not.

Thank you. For in leaving, I have finally entered into the deepest of soul's inner peace that comes from truly knowing and receiving only that which I deserve, not based on what I can do for another, but love unconditional.  From that, I have discovered life's most truest victory, that of the confidence developed when one falls in love with themselves.  

I have hope, now that I don't have you
I have faith, now that I'm alone
I'm not bashing my head against the wall
I'm not waiting forever for your call
I'm not wasting time
Now that I don't have you

Now That I Don't Have You

Find what I said interesting? Are you a frenemy? Comment below and I will respond.  

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, a film and media company.  Support Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions