I have been following the Johnny Depp libel case the last few weeks, wherein he is suing the British newspaper, The Sun, for its op-ed penned by his ex-wife, Amber Heard. As a victim of domestic abuse and a myriad of other abusive situations, this story got my attention.
I do need to pause a bit. I have a great affinity for Johnny Depp as I grew up watching him in such a plethora of roles and have always admired his work as an actor and artist. He is an original, when all is said in done, there is none like Johnny nor has ever been, nor will ever been. In truth, just looking at the above photo brings a warm feeling to my celebrity crush heart. I think we can all relate to that feeling of "that face" that happens when we are reared up watching the likes of certain celebrities.
In addition to that, I think it's very important, especially for a female victim of domestic abuse as myself, to set aside the unspoken belief that women are always the victims, men the perpetrators of domestic violence. I have several male friends that can attest to their victimhood and from whom I can see glimpses of how the domestic abuse from a woman to man differs from that of man to woman.
That said, I cannot at once proclaim that Amber Heard is the abuser and Johnny Depp the victim. What I can see firstly is that the nature of the relationship was tumultuous.
However, from what I have gleaned from the news on the trial, is that Amber Heard's allegations are just that and also should be considered hearsay. I say this, knowing full well my affinity for Mr. Depp as well as my position as a survivor of domestic abuse. For a good degree of her claims have been backed up by accurate representations not to be refuted by Johnny Depp's side. Such as, the famous poop in the bed scenario, the bruises on Amber's face that were there and then weren't there (make-up? another perp that wasn't Johnny?), that leaves the whole business a mess of confusion.
From what I can see, my non-legal minded viewpoint, Johnny Depp is not necessarily innocent, but is generally not the one with the abusive inclinations. I hope that the jury will take that into consideration, not based on his fame, but based on the reality that men are not always the perpetrators. I have seen videos of Johnny Depp angrily slamming cabinets, banging dishes, with Amber whining off screen, "what happened? you were so sweet this morning?" and my first thought wasn't, "oh poor Amber" but rather, "Yeah, a symptom of abuse".
It is said that there are 7 tactics abusers use upon their victims, whether that be a partner, a friend, or a co-worker (a side note: I am a victim of all three, and more!). Provided here is a link to this article about these 7 tactics: 7 Emotional Abuse Tactics In Relationships That Can Seem Innocent At First. It is my belief that Amber Heard used these not only in her relationship with Johnny Depp but also in her other relationships, be it romantic, familial, or other.
As far as the above video regarding Amber Heard's sister, I can understand the notion of wanting to protect one's family relations and secrets. I have been in similar situations in my life. I know now on the other side of it all, that living in the truth is far better than trying to protect those victimizing, whomever they may be. Even at the loss of supposed special relationships, living in the freedom of the truth brings true peace. I suspect this is the case of Whitney Heard.
It is evident from these documents that Amber Heard has abused in the past, so it can be assumed that she acted similarly in her relationship with Johnny Depp. Thus follows, she is not the innocent victim that she claims to be. It can be assumed that she will abuse again, that this is a pattern of hers and continually she finds a way to manipulate and hide any evidence of wrongdoing.
So, what of Mr. Johnny Depp? Am I playing favorites because of my long-standing viewing of his films and respect? Possibility, a little, but I am trying my best to not do that. But, from the research I have done including watching a video leaked of him (filmed by Ms. Heard) of him angrily hitting cabinets and such, it leads me back to the belief that he was a victim of domestic abuse.
How can I explain these behaviors that were not seen in his previous romantic relationships? Well, first of all, the allegations of violence are just that allegations, have shown evidence of what actually happened, and indeed there is actual photography of abuse repercussions against Johnny Depp from Amber Heard's actions.
So, why the footage then of Johnny's outbursts? Two reasons that I can see, and granted I was not present in the relationship or situation. Firstly, and Johnny Depp has admitted this, the evidence of drug and alcohol dependency affected his mood, which he has called "his sickness". He has not been shy about admitting to this or its effects in his time on trial. Second, from a personal viewpoint, when one is in an abusive situation, one often reacts and behaves in a way that is not at all like who they are or have they have reacted and behaved in ways in the past and in past relationships. For one, I can look back at my time in my abusive marriage situation and hold my head in shame in the ways I behaved towards my abusive spouse as well as towards those I came into contact. For the most part, I have done my best to apologize and remedy the situation to those I wronged, as much as is possible. I know that I said and acted in ways that were not appropriate but can personally attest that they were reactions to feelings of being unheard, smothered, silenced, to be blunt, abused. From my personal history and from hearing the background of others' relations with Johnny Depp, I believe that his outbursts were the result of both the drug and alcohol addictions as well as his reacting from the abuse of Amber Heard.
When I watch this footage, I must admit I feel a sense of relating to Johnny Depp. I admit I don't know the situation that came before or why he is in the mood he is in, but I cannot help but feel that this behavior and reaction is based on his overall abusive situation and marriage to Amber Heard.
Words fail me....but I know I said and acted in ways that were not me based on my being in my abusive marriage. I lashed out with verbal abusive angry remarks towards friends due to my ex-husband's influence, while he stood by the innocent bystander shocked by my outburst, then to be further used against me. My history with abusive types stretches far and wide beyond just an abusive marriage but goes into co-workers, friends, former boyfriends, all with similar tactics. My mind was spun around until crazy and confused, the 7 tactics of emotional abuse used on me, then my abuser (whether husband, lover, or friend) would turn immediately becoming sweet, submissive, yielding, and so appreciative. My mind was in total disarray and confusion. I lived from one minute to the next, not in the state of blissful serenity as the meditators speak of, but in fear of....what mood is he or she in? Because of my propensity to fall into abusive relationship patterns, I have lived too many years of my life seeking to please an uncertain mood of my abuser, whatever the relationship may be. I am on the path toward healing and realization that true and healthy relationships are equal in sharing and loving.
Amber Heard may win this case, whereas the jury may side with The Sun and Johnny Depp may lose the lawsuit. However, ultimately, no matter the outcome of the case, I believe Johnny Depp will win. The court of opinion will over-rule. The case has shown that the relationship was of such tumultuousness that it is difficult to prove absolute abuse on either side. Even in my marriage, it has been 9 years since I married and the two years I was with him, I have managed to put behind me as I move forward. I have that luxury as I hold no connections, no children or property connecting us save emotional ties, but still there is this inner tendency to want to prove my story.
Johnny Depp will win, even if his career in Hollywood flounders, because he is free. He has been allowed to have his side of the story heard, shown evidence, and stood his ground. I cannot imagine, as a fellow abuse victim, that this trial has been easy for him yet perhaps it has helped lighten the load as the information unfolds and the truth is revealed. As I have found, not all people will believe his side, but those that don't believe, that side with the alleged abuser, are not true friends to be counted on and must be let go in order to continue the journey of living one's truth and finding wholeness.
This has been an intense blog to write for myself, because it brought up so much of my own abuse history. For that reason, I finalize this article with this song: I'm Sensitive
I was thinking that I might fly today
Just to disprove all the things that you say
It doesn't take a talent to be mean
Your words can crush things that are unseen
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way
So, what do you think of what I wrote? Agree? Disagree? Doesn't matter, just comment below and I will do my best to comply. I respect all viewpoints as long as they are civil.
The Thriving Artist blog is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, a film and media company intent on birthing media raising awareness on social issues. Support us at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions
In addition, I wrote and co-starred in a webseries entitled "Nate & Laura & How They Met" available on Youtube and Facebook. One of the main characters deals with domestic abuse. Check it out here: Nate & Laura & How They Met
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