Life at 23, then again, I'm 33

So, its a dreary Saturday afternoon, and laundry needs to be done, lines to be run, songs need to be sung, kitchens need to be swept, dishes need to be washed, and put away...and my heart falls on this scripture:

"And nothing you desire can compare with her"

Now, this is a verse that has always always caught my heart dead in its tracks, I mean, its not like those that you can easily glance over.  Its just there, staring up at you, reminding me of your my unfaithfulness to it.

For context, here is the whole text:

"Blessed is the one who find wisdom,
and the one who gets understanding
for the gain from her is better than gain from silver
and her profit is better than gold.
She is more precious than jewels,
and nothing you desire can compare with her,
Long life is in her right hand
in her left hand are riches and honor
Her ways are ways of pleasantness,
and all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to those who lay ahold of her
those who hold her fast are called blessed."

So, what I see is that wisdom is the Lord and by gaining entrance with the Lord you gain understanding but more so, something that is more costly that it over values silver or gold.

When I was a young believer, bucking up in my twenties, I read this scripture "nothing you desire can compare with her" and I earnestly wanted my heart to believe that, but it kept taking me back to him...him...my future husband.  Looking back, I believe the Lord promised that we would marry, that he had a plan and a purpose for our union, but still the Lord's heart is always one hundred percent mine, is mine his?

So, now the promise has been fulfilled, as they all are, and I married the man of my dreams.  And we have come through our first of battles and strongholds and I stand here at this impasse with this knowledge that this was all meant to happen.  All of it, everything that has happened between us in the last few months or even 8 years, everything I have been through on my own, everything he has been through on his own, has all happened for a reason hanging on the very nature of this scripture.  And that is, do you still desire your husband more than the Lord?  And the answer, a pitiful yes.  And, now of the problems of clingliness and not wanting to be alone and such, all hangs on this truth.  I love my husband more than the Lord.

Now, I don't want you to think that there is anything wrong with loving your husband, but to honor him more than the Lord is the fault.  It puts my husband in too high of a position, in shoes that he cannot fill. 

So, now I sit here with my mug of tea, at 33, feeling just as foolish for the Lord as I did when I was 23 when I fell in love with my husband, and I first read, "nothing you desire can compare with her"

Remember how I was saying, we calvary chapel young buck christians tried to be more pious than others, well, i wasn't so.  Because if you asked me if I loved anything more than the Lord back then, I would have said "Bill Weston", that is, if I was being honest.  And, that, my friends, is why the Lord took him away from me.  'You give and take away, you give and take away, my heart shall choose to say, Lord, blessed be your name."

But, back at 33 in the green faded bathrobe and the cooling earl grey, I admit now that I do desire the Lord more than my husband, more than anything, more than costly gold.  It took me ten years to see that, but as I said everything I went through, mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, all looped me back around to right here, to the ulitmate question that God asks of all of us:  Do you love me more than these?