An Ex-Fundie On Easter Weekend

Last weekend, April 15th-April 17th, it was Easter Weekend, you know, the Christian holiday wherein they celebrate the raising from the dead of their beloved Jesus.  In truth, I ain't got no beef with the J-Man, nor do I have any with his followers of any creed or following.

Because of this, last weekend went a lot more quiet and serene then years previous.  Years where I professed openly my adoration of Jesus The Christ and all his teachings, where I hungrily read the bible at coffee shops, and dutifully trotted off to church (Calvary Chapel) every chance I could, hoping for some shred of friendship from that which I referred to as 'eternal family', all being blind to the fact that this lifestyle which I professed, this church which I hoped would be the answer to my aching heart, was swiftly becoming a cult.  The years that tumbled after were fraught with the agony of deconstruction from such faith, as it can be called, shifting between that of anger, sadness, bargaining, betrayal, then, at last, a sense of acceptance for what was and what is, finally, appreciating the good memories and letting go of the bad, forgiving and venturing forth.

In that place, I ventured into the Easter Weekend 2022, choosing to focus on the child-like joys I enjoyed as a child, that of the fun of dying easter eggs, the wonderment of waking up on Easter Sunday to discover what treasures the Easter Bunny left behind, the delight of looking deep within my Easter basket for all the goodies, and the yummy scrumptiousness that is the Easter morning breakfast and Sunday night family dinner.  

I chose that and in the peacefulness that flowed out from that joy, messages from whatever the divine may be, made their way into my heart, not enforced by the external but from an internal and eternal knowing within.

I began the weekend on Friday, April 15th, celebrating the birth of my beloved furbaby, the fabulous Leo Meister Meyer:

Leo's 22nd Birthday

That weekend, I also spent some much needed time with my special friend, Ada, the american eskimo pup:

The connection I have to many a furry friend or baby is the most special of my life, their unconditional acceptance and love is a value that strengthens, upholds, and teaches me the value of giving and receiving love merely for my existence and nothing more.

On that Friday night as well, I spent a delightful time with my "Facebook Room Party" family, painting my nails, eating dinner and sipping wine, and enjoying the chatter of catching up and loving these dear souls of who I have grown closer to during the craziness of pandemic life.  Truly, throughout these last few years, I have found peace in finally choosing only to surround myself with and honor that which is uplifting and healthy in my personal connections.

The revelation of the true power of my intuition was the guiding light behind every choice made, from insisting on my worth of my right to raise my rates as an online model (okay, cam-model), from being led to the friend who would drive me to my surgery appointment, to watching a TV show I have yet to experience only to discover that the screenwriter was none other than Eva Anderson, the daughter to Harry Anderson, of whom I connect with as soul father. 

In truth, these days, and perhaps all of my life mostly un-recognized, he seems to find his way into every facet, every life lesson, every evolution.  In times of sadness for that which I never have or will ever, I feel him whispering, "Daddy's little girl" to strengthen and calm my broken heart.

Discovering thus about his daughter, Eva, this weekend was even more meaningful when I realized that Saturday, April 16th, was the fourth anniversary of his passing in 2018.  It was, as if, in a strange way this was his gift for me, his guidance or, perhaps, my intuition guiding towards this connecting point.

In the same vein of the name, I began to read a biography I had picked up many years ago, that of the life of Evita, or Eva Peron.  A woman I have always found of such interest, desiring to know the true reasoning behind her, why she was loved and adored, the nuance of her, both the good and the bad.  Finally, the meaning of names began an insightful lesson of the weekend itself.

The meaning of Eva, then, is truly that of 'life, living one, and mother of life', to put it more succintly:

Eva Peron orchestrated herself to be the mother of life and a very real 'refuge' for her beloved descamisados. Such then, the connection with Eva Anderson may be also a reminder of a refuge within.  It is an interest to note that on the weekend wherein the religious look toward an eternal father, I, too, meditated and found value in the true power of what a real, loving father could have been for me and what my life could have become if I had such.

This led me finally to ponder and share the meaning both literally and spiritually of the personal identity and moniker I have chosen for myself: Why Me

Reflecting first on the name I was given at birth, "Julia" meaning "youthful one", I recognized how that shaped my sense of self to remain trapped in a personality that was pleasing to those who wanted to control and subdue me.  Thus, Lia, who I always felt within, is that of a "bearer of good news, languid, relaxed, finally finding rest."  In a very real sense, this sense of repose and rest were the most real in this personal 'vacay' of my own selected spiritual Easter weekend. 

Then, the second part of my first name, Elizabeth, a long held deep connection that of is almost like an alternate universe identity (explained further in the above vlog), brings the meaning of 'abundance, royalty, promise, assurance, trust, comfort, and, at last, stability."  My chosen middle name, Rose, long since one I find a spiritual connection to, means that of the "miraculous love at work in the world"  My chosen surname, Dugal, is one of which I am still researching in many ways and will reveal when the time is right.  

Thus, my name, as of now, becomes fully:

Lia Elizabeth Rose:

 the bearer of good news, that of abundance, promise, and stability, which is the miraculous love at work in the world.

To myself and to those who read, those I love, those I shall reach, the world may seem dark and foreboding, the evil may appear to be rising and prevailing, but from what I have discovered in my journey, love abides, guides, heals, and, finally resolves to success.

Love is you, you and me

Love is knowing we can be

Love Is