Self Care is Recovery & Recovery Ain't Easy

 

Across social media, one can see a plethora of posts and memes proclaiming the value of self care, most of these posts depict such as relaxation, hot bubble baths and warm tea, a good book, a long walk.  While I see the value in such activities for healing purposes, I must express the fullness of what self care is when aligned with its true purpose of assisting in the process of recovery.  A friend, who is in the throes of overcoming a substance addiction, posts pictures of themselves smelling flowers, serene backgrounds, inspiring quotes, and I can only hope that behind the façade of the happy self care social media exterior, intense, emotional hard work is active.   

True recovery begins with admittance, that of, recognizing for yourself and others that there is something that needs to be altered within.  After that initial step, begins the often slow, arduous process of figuring out how to overcome the weaknesses, negative coping strategies that were used to appease the pain, work through the issues and trauma that caused, which avenues to do such are varied but often are discovered through intense one on one therapy, group therapy, and, for some, 12 step groups.  As one who has battled and overcome symptoms of mental illness since 2006, I have tried with much success all three as well as other means.  

While involved with these forms of therapy, I dove deeper and deeper into all realms of myself within and truly came face to face with myself, warts and all, as the onion of self discovery peeled further and further layers away.  I had to face my own inner ugliness and recognize with transparency and honesty how that hurt myself and others.  In recognizing such, I had to acknowledge aloud to another, admitting such was a process akin to 'coming out', no longer could I hide in the darkness of my own soul, however by doing so, I found a release that brought me into the fullness of my light, true understanding of self, true peace within.  Actively, I took steps to make amends with others and continue such, yet in so doing, I have learned that making amends is for no one but myself and the one I have wronged has agency and authority to decide how to accept.  Even now, after 17 years of recovery, I am learning that making amends does not mean that the relationship is restored and if so is not for me to decide. Thus, making amends is a process of letting go and acceptance.  

The truth is, recovery is hard work with much effort.  There are times of success, moments of a mountain peak, and the lower, painful times when the struggle seems all too difficult.  One step forward, two steps back is often expressed by those recovering (Recovery is not done in isolation, I must add).  Whatever the season of recovery, whether high or low, self care is only an aspect of such, meant to soothe and restore, not a means to heal alone.  Yes, hopefully, underneath glossy exterior of the social media posts and memes proclaiming the value of self care, lies the inner daily battle of looking within, understanding, releasing, accepting, then, finally, being able to move forward.  Yet, I do not want to discourage one towards recovery, for the process however difficult at times, is worth the climb, for the sunlight of peaceful wholeness emerges, after the inner storm within is calmed. 

In my recovery

 I’m a soldier at war 

 have broken down walls

 I defined 

I designed

 My recovery

James Arthur - Recovery (Lyrics)