2019 was the last year of my life.
Thus, 2020 was the year I was truly born.
For 2019 was the final year that I allowed myself to be victimized,
held down, used, walked on, belittled with both anger and manipulation through others' jealousies or pain.
In short, 2019 was the last year I lived my life as a practicing codependent, relationship addicted, trauma and abuse victim.
No more!
In 2020, I embraced my power as I took it back dose by dose, little by little, increasingly cutting the toxic out of my life, walking away from that which and that whom wishes to destroy me, I allowed that element to wallow in their own path, sending out love that they would choose healing but releasing in the very real truth that their path and destiny is not my responsibility to serve.
Thus, began the adventure of 2020. Taking back my power revealed itself in a wide plethora of variety, from finding my financial stability and sense of self worth in that arena which afforded me a peace in my creative aspects and pursuits, and through all of that I was at last able to explore new avenues of health, not open to me in previous years, and find immense healing and expansion become my daily awareness.
My spiritual self aligned itself increasingly with my day to day, becoming infused with my work, my relationships, and all aspects of the material.
Through all of this, I was able to reframe my perspective on worth, which influenced my output into the world. Increasingly, I no longer seek external validation but create, whether it is for online consumption, for myself, or for those closest to me, to create and for no other purposes. Sort of like a 'damn the consequences' kind of thing, but the only consequence is joy in the doing and peace from the relief of the final product, no other damage done to self or others.
My relationship and connection to the Mother Earth has deepened in my appreciation and understanding of the lessons she teaches and the needs she requests. In simple ways, such as selecting the living Christmas tree for my living room, I find the tree I form a relationship with, lovingly tending my victory garden and flower plants, re-planting several baby oak trees during the horrible Phoenix-Talent fires, attending to the physical and emotional needs of my kitty daughter, Tansy as well as connecting to the dogs in my life, are some of the ways I find to gift she who has always been faithful to me in return.
Throughout this year of healing, I have learning the art of re-parenting myself and have realized that there is nothing scary or horrible about being an adult when seen through the joy of one's inner child. I try each day to view the mundane aspects of being a grown up to something larger through that realm which helps me see the situation as a puzzle or game affording me better the ability to resolve the issue. This new lease on life has strengthened my viewpoint of self and given me a new appreciation of my self worth. Basically I feel worthy of receiving, of being alive.
So, what does this mean moving forward into 2021? What's the overall theme, desire of my heart? At last night's solstice bonfire, I wrote the word "suppression" down on a piece of paper and tossed it into the fire, a symbol of that that is the essence of what I want to release and transform out of in the coming months ahead. No matter the external reality of this world, my wish for myself and for others is to move out of the codependent, people-pleasing false security that leaves me feeling numb, unheard, unsupported, unappreciated, unloved and more into the realm of being seen, heard, and validated.
With the reality of the Jupiter and Saturn conjunction, The Christmas Star, is it were, in our night-sky during the Winter Solstice and Christmas season, it gives this desire, the growth, and the lessons of 2020 further soul development. From my readings on this phenomena, this is an occurrence that happens every 200 years. The idea of Jupiter is one of authority, but more of in the realm of health, prosperity, and pleasure focus whereas Saturn's authority focus is on setting rules and limits. I realize as I pass through the gateway provided by their nearness that these are two elements needed in my continual soul evolution. For in continuing my journey as an emotional soul entrepreneur, both personally and professionally, I need to allow myself the freedom to explore all aspects of emotional growth but also be mindful of the necessity to set boundaries and guidelines for myself to ensure I accomplish what is needed and honor my relationships in a healthy way.
What are your thoughts on The Christmas Star and your overall year 2020? I would love to hear your thoughts below.
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