The start of my production company, Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, was formed through the stepping forth into bringing my literal dream of a Doctor Who Fan-Fiction webseries to life. In that, my character, Jane Smyth, comes to terms with her real self that of the time lady, Romana, and reunites with her friend, The Doctor. More to the point, I spent a great deal of time during the writing, re-writing, filming, and basically living of the character and her story listening to this song on repeat during the summers and times it was in production and then post-production. I heard it so much that it just infused itself in the very fibre of my being, as characters are wont to do to us actors, so that even to this day it remains a song that can rekindle itself at a moment's notice or at the most minute of reminders.
I will be brave
I will not let anything, take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath, every hour has come to this
One step closer
And there it is, the essential line of the chorus that repeats itself in my mind as I go about my day, a gentle urging that steadies me and buoys me up with hope: One Step Closer. We all have goals, ambitions, dreams that we hope to attain, whatever they may be. Along the course of life, it doesn't always happen in leaps, bounds, but most assuredly slow and steady, one baby step at a time. Sometimes, the pathway to achieving can seem so gradual as if to seem as if we are falling backwards, when in fact the mere stumbling is not a failure but part of the process of moving forward.
How do I mean? Well, what I have discovered in my path is that failures are successes in that they are lessons learned to help better us and motivate us forward on our journey. More than that, success, prosperity, abundance are simply not of the financial realm, but an overall mindset. Although it has helped me to feel more secure by having the knowledge of financial wellness becoming more and more achieved, more to the point it has given me the balance needed to focus on my overall goals while not having to worry about the life factors of the 3d world.
So, right now, in this time of the Covid-19 pandemic, as I await the stimulus check, the various online work I am acquiring and building, the unemployment funds to roll in, I have to remind myself to take a breath when the worry seeps in, when the tendency to scream out "Why me? Why does the Universe hate me? I struggle along, seemingly one step closer to getting ahead only to fall back", and stopping to ask myself, "What is the lesson here?" I admit there is still a lag time between those thoughts yet it is getting swifter.
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
(screams the Universe back to me)
So, what is the lesson then? Is it of having patience in the waiting? Trusting that some higher power has got me? Well, yes but more than that, I am learning to measure my abundance not in the financial but to continually look at what I do have, in this moment and recognize how far I have come in my path.
Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
So, what do I have? I have created a sizable hole in my debt that has left me with a bit of a safety net in times of woe. This month I have paid off the majority of my bills, utilities and debt included, which places me in a position not to worry. I know that I have the finances coming from different sources so that my basic living expenses (like a roof over my head) will be covered so that when the above mentioned finances roll in (stimulus check, etc) I can make the necessary payments needed to move even further forward.
All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
But, the real lesson here is that, now that I have a handle on the whole notion of money (Look, $, you work for me, bitch, not me struggling for you), I can finally start recognizing my worth outside of the dollar I receive. Yes, it feels good and helps boost my self-worth when I receive the financial for my artistic endeavors and I whole-heartedly accept and believe it is essential, but as I grow deeper in my analysis of self acceptance and love, I see now that the belief in myself in achieving abundance and success is not merely measured by the material but in my outlook on life.
So, the setbacks will come, financial or otherwise, and I can choose to make them pitfalls of failure, endlessly falling to my own despair or I can realize that they are not to push me down, but the next mountain to climb, discover, and overcome. They are the pathway to truly appreciating and understanding myself. I recognize that life should not be lived in the someday, but in the now, that if I continuously plan for the glorious future happiness, I will miss out on the joys of the moment and will never fully be able to achieve the happiness I seek.
Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything, take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath, every hour has come to this
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The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, a film and media company focusing on bringing awareness to a variety of social issues to effect real change. Want to support us? Head over to: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions
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