Hi! I'm Penny Sullivan and I am 30 years old. Growing up, I was raised in a very wealthy family, good schools, summer camps, everything I could possibly want, except my daddy wasn't around much, away on business as it always was (though what "business" he could possibly attend to, is beyond me). My mother, God bless her, due to his absence was absent herself, addicted to sleeping pills and whatever booze she could get her hands on. I guess that's where I got my crutch, as it were.
So there I was, left to my own devices, hungry for love and seeking approval, and not finding it at home, I went out to the wide world looking for it, into the arms of men, their drugs, whatever they offered, or wanted. Being the eighties, cocaine was the drug of choice, however, trying it once (or twice) I quickly realized it wasn't for me. But, the drink, well, that was a different story.
When I drink, I forget the pain, rather felt nothing, finally felt...free, beautifully numb yet strangely alive.
On my 17th birthday, I met Jason, who was 21 at the time ( I looked older than I was) and was allowed into all the bars. (And even though I was younger than 21, the Sam the bartender let me in because I let him feel me up and gave him BJs whenever he wanted, anything for approval, right?)
But, Jason was different, or so I thought, with sparkling blue eyes, a good college boy home for the summer, a dream come true in my father's eyes. But, just as in Grease, it was only "Summer lovin" and it happened so fast. He went back to his prep school girlfriend and decided not to have anything to do with the baby in my belly. Even my "good Catholic parents" didn't want to have anything to do with my shameful act so I was forced to move out, first into a homeless shelter, then bounced around from friends houses to random boys' houses as "house-keeper", hoping it would lead to more, a father for my daughter, Laura, and someone to love me after all. But, no one fit the bill, or wanted to, wanted me.
When Laura was 6, I met Leon, at a bar, of course. We moved in together, became lovers due to our mutual affection for the bottle, as well as I became his personal punching bag. I have tried to leave many times, to get a better life, for Laura mostly, but can never seem to find my way out of it entirely, with numerous broken promises to my daughter along the way. I guess that's another thing I've failed at.
Eventually though, my life-style choices caught up with me, after landing in jail for association with Leon, and deciding once and for all, that I was a dead-beat mom in no way deserving of Laura, so I gave up legal right to her. She ended up in a foster care somewhere and I spent many of my days, in jail.
Finally, began the slow process to drying up, finding recovery, and healing, at last acceptance and approval from my higher power.
Come hear more of my story on Monday, October 27th at the Playwright's Atelier at the Ashland
Public Library in the Gresham Room at 7 pm. Free to the public!
https://www.facebook.com/events/960142974002564/?notif_t=plan_user_invited
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