Journaling Through The Years Episode 9! Trippy Story Time!

 

CNAs? Lazy, Stupid? A Life Unused? I Don’t Think So!

By K. Jacqueline Pollock

The late former Florida State University Head Football Coach Bobby Bowden said “Don’t go to the grave with life unused.” There’s a country song “Holdin’ on to Something that Keeps Lettin’ Me Go” (both Jeff Carson & John Michael Montgomery did a version of that song and that’s the song’s title too). Regular readers of this column know that I am in the healthcare field full-time and work with a Community Radio Station as the Marketing & Special Events Director as well. Right now you’re wondering where are you going with this, Jacqueline? Well, I never write about my professional healthcare experiences, HIPPA and all that rot you understand, because well who wants to hear from a 16 year off and on Certified Nursing Assistant? Probably no one, but now you’re going to hear from one. Oh and a side note, I’ve been a professional driver before too. I begin being trained on tractor-trailers AND have driven Paratransit and School Bus for employment.

CNAs are treated as if we’re nothing more than glorified butt wipers, babysitters, adult daycare employees, and more. That’s not true. We have to be trained, we have to be certified, we have to learn new procedures, we have to learn new ways of doing our jobs. Professional Drivers are treated as if we’re idiots that only drive big vehicles and really don’t need to know anything or be smart at all. We have to learn drive something that’s way larger than a car, pickup, or minivan, and we have to have specific skills tests such as Pre-Trip Inspection testing, Air Brake Testing, and more.

Right about now you’re thinking, "Okay, Jacqueline, get to the point!" Here’s the point those jobs you think are for “stupid & uneducated people, who are too lazy to do anything else” are usually the backbone of their professions. CNAs are the backbone of the nursing field and professional drivers are the backbone of the transportation industry. Neither get any love, except from young children, and disdain from adults.

A lot of times when your Senior loved one moves into a Long-Term Care Facility, they’re lonely, they’re scared, they’re going through a lot of emotions including the emotions that are usually associated with mourning loss: anger, acceptance, bargaining, depression (not in complete order). Professional Drivers live a lonely existence, especially if they can’t take a pet, their spouse/partner/significant other with them every once in a while.

Today, I’m talking about Certified Nursing Assistants (also known as CNAs). CNAS are there for your loved one when no one else is; they hold their hand, they cry with them, they assist them with a lot of their activities of daily living: bathing, dressing, eating, walking, going to the bathroom, changing soiled disposable underwear. CNAs talk to them (at least I do), they try to get to know them (again at least I do). We do the dirty jobs that LPNs & RNs don’t want to do and some will say “Go ask the CNA!” or “Go tell the CNA” or my favorite “Let me get the CNA she/he yes there are male CNAs in a female dominated profession folks. Before I forget, "Hey Mike Rowe, are you listening?" 

Anyway, CNAs go through classroom & clinical training. Back in 2005 when I originally became a CNA it was a minimum requirement of 85 hours of training and California had the most required hours of training at 105. I understand today that the minimum requirement of training hours is 75 classroom and clinical AND Oregon has the most required hours of 155. A lot of the skills we learn in the classroom like taking vital signs, usually Blood Pressure, Temperature, Pulse Rate (how much your heart is beating per minute), and Respiration Rate (how many breaths you take per minute), making beds “hospital style,” and more gives you the basic training to do the job. 

However, it never teaches you how to avoid such pitfalls as: a favorite patient/resident passing away (oh you’re always told “Never get attached” sorry you’re getting attached because you learn about them, they become like family, even those who don’t have any family left), dealing with an agitated resident/patient (think about how you’re feeling when you’re hurting and not feeling well at all), and more. It doesn’t teach you how to deal with the modern generations (if you’re over a certain age you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about), it doesn’t teach you how to deal with the Director of Nursing’s/Floor Manager’s/Floor Supervisor’s pets that brown nose all the time.

CNAs are more stressed out than Nurses, Doctors, Physical Therapists, well anybody in the medical field because we’re treated like we’re idiots and second class citizens. Sorry we’re not; we’re on the front lines.  We are the NCOs of the medical field while all the Senior NCOs, Junior Officers, Mid-grade Officers, and Senior Officers are “shining a seat with their ass” dictating to us HOW we’re going to do something. When in reality they’re just spouting off, threatening you with being written up because they don’t like something you did, male CNAs fearing the female CNAs turning them in for garbage they had no idea about and female CNAs being catty, bitching, and moaning about stuff that’s none of their business and yet make it their business.

To talk about my own personal experience I do have to tell you for those who don’t personally know me I am six feet tall, obese, with a husky voice & a bad hormonal imbalance that causes me to take hormone medications. I get called he/him, sir, etc., and I’m a woman for crying out loud. Assumptions are made about me and I get treated like I’m the most worthless CNA in the world by other employees. Yet a resident of the facility I currently work in told me this: 

“(she named five other residents) and I think you’re one of the very best ones here you (and insert them two co-workers’ names this resident mentioned here). If you ever leave or get fired we’ll be extremely sorry to see you go. You take time with us, you talk to us, and you treat us like we’re grown people and respect us for our ages, you do not treat us like imbeciles, idiots, or morons.” 

 So you think that CNAs aren’t stressed, overworked, & underpaid? Think we’re glorified butt wipers and glorified babysitters? Think we don’t deserve to be treated as professionals? Think we’re nothing more than “stupid, lazy people?” Think that we’re worthless? Think again, because we’re NOT! 

Even after sixteen years I’m thinking about walking away from the field, doing something else, quit “holdin’ on to somethin’ that keeps lettin’ me go” because I want to make sure, that I, like Coach Bowden said “don’t go to the grave with a life unused.”

CNA Training Source: http://phinational.org/advocacy/nurse-aide-training-requirements-state-2016/

K. Jacqueline Pollock is a frequent guest author for The Thriving Artist.  She currently resides in Macomb, Illinois with her three kitties and works as a CNA, while volunteering at her local radio station.

What Being A Fundie Taught Me

Often in this blog, I have discussed the journey I took deconstructing from being a fundamentalist Christian and have detailed the negative effects upon me while I was one and for years afterwards.  However, it occurs to me, that I have never stopped to openly reflect on the ways that that time of my life in that worldview positively influenced me.  Moreover, this has been a common thread floating through my brain waves in the past few months.  So, today I would like to take some time to reflect and share these positive attributes I learned and acquired by being a "Fundie".

1.) Every religion that is organized or not so organized, such as a spiritual walk of any sort, has similar ways of defining their path, similar structures to follow and guidelines to achieve spiritual peace.  However, this doesn't make me want to reject all belief in any sense of divinity but rather affirms the truthfulness in this quest that all humanity finds themselve seeking and thus I continue forward, in my own way now, although different from what it was as a fundamentalist Christian but still influenced by it.

2.) During my time as a "fundie", I actually read the Bible, indepth and cover to cover over and over again.  For a book nerd such as myself, that is pretty cool indeed.

3.) The Bible is A spiritual text, among many, and thus has had and continues to have intrinsic value for myself, regardless of how it has been weaponized.  It is not its fault, it's just a book after all.  Furthermore, the Bible having value for me personally does not mean it will have such for others, nor will I try to enforce others to accept it in this fashion.

4.) The importance of a morning quiet time, or rather a time to be still and attend to one's self each day, whatever time and whether it be reading a spiritual text, a self help book, a topic I find of interest, yoga, long walks, or meditation.  This time I take each day looks different from what it was then and is overall more open than it was but the same principle from my fundaze times remains.

5.) Understanding of the true meaning of Jesus' teaching, as well as other spiritual teachers, and find value in that alone while rejecting the ways their followers have intrepreted and practiced in ways toxic and harmful.

6.) The truth that spirituality of any variety is a powerful and dynamic tool for one's recovery.

7.) Eternal gratitude for the positive memories with and the lessons learned amongst those of my former fundie friends.   The love abides even though the relationships have shifted, which has given me the understanding in the truth that there are seasons of every relationships.  My frustration with fundamentalism was intensely personal from those who were never of that particular worldview.  It was born out of a deep pain and heartbreak of loss and stimulated by overwhelming desire to save those from being saved.  However, this has changed because of the words of a very dear sister friend who assured me with thus, "Their path is theirs alone, not yours to determine."  

8.) An unique understanding of why fundies behave they way they do towards outsiders which provides me the ability to see how they think their actions are informed by what they believe to be is love, however, false they do not realize.  Yet, I see the goodness deep within and extend grace, forgiveness, and act as a compassionate bridge amongst the divisiveness.  

9.) I understand the reasons behind why people find themselves in a cult world, like form of drug-like escape that provides some comfort and security, and the pain when realizing the harm this has caused, and the hard, hard journey of deconstruction. 

Breakaway

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed (I would pray)
I could breakaway
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

 Check out these amazing two ladie's Youtube channels.  Jen, an atheist, has only recently rocketed to Youtube fame, but it coudn't have happen to a more sweeter, non-judgmental, empathic human.  Become a "Jenonite" at: Fundie Fridays

With grace and humility, Elly of Ex-Fundie Diaries shares her journey from the traumatic religious upbringing and shows how true healing is possible. 

Get Out Of Jail Free Card?

 

In many of my entries, I have referred to this notion of the 'Get Out Of Jail Free" card when it comes to one's mental health and their operation in society.  It occurred to me that perhaps my usage of this phrase is confusing or my meaning not fully grasped.  Therefore, I decided to take the time to arrange my thoughts in a fashion that would help clarify as well as edify.

Throughout the time that I have been birthing my business, Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, I have had the opportunity to work with a plethora of creative types, actors and crew, through a variety of media projects.  In this assortment of human, I have come face to face with a reckoning of how different people handle or even mishandle their mental health problems.  A very few are aware of their troubles and actively work on themselves, behaving in a fashion that is both authentic and ethical.  Others have not chosen to seek out adequate help and thus their dysfunctions rise up negatively effecting their wellbeing as well as interactions with those closest to them, personally and professionally.  In this instance of my both personal and professional life, it becomes both and I have had to make the difficult decision to step back from those that have yet to prioritize seeking therapeutic help for their dysfunctions but instead to live as if the issue is not their own, but the fault of the external.  

How this shows up in the realm of a project, either mine own or in a theatre world, is that a person signs up for the project with much enthusiasm.  Yet, not caring for themselves regularly, their troubles build up and overtake, on a day when their presence is necessary for the play or on set, and being unable to regulate their emotional state, having not done adequate care along the way, their reaction is to run away, causing havoc in their wake as those they are abandoning scramble to cover their unnecessary absence.  Although this momentarily may alleviate their un-ease, however, it does not heal their dis-ease, as it causes a rift to build between them and those they have neglected, as a lack of trust begins to form.  They have two choices, then, to admit they were at fault and seek care for their mental health issues or blame those they are working with for the cause, and I have found it is usually the latter rather than the former.  Or even, the former is used as a means to manipulate further for sympathy and to perhaps win the wronged back over.

In the end, the relationship is torn, trust shall need to be rebuilt, and even more so, this person does not heal and evolve past their emotional and mental dysfunction, but remains stagnant, the pain increasing with every 'get out of jail free' card used to not attend to the issue but instead to flee.  Thus, the mental health is not healed, the soul does not find true peace, and the issue remains.

Furthermore, this 'get out of jail free' card mentality darkens the already dark stigma of mental illness as it is now freeily tossed around in mis-use and detracts from those who truly suffer, who cannot truly cope with the mainstream, who truly need and are seeking the help.  

So, this then, is what is meant when I refer to the 'get out of jail free' card.  I do not mean to negate anyone's struggles with mental health but do insist that adequate treatment be sought after and given for those in need and I believe all could use some love to the realm of the mental and emotional.  But to use it as a manipulative ploy is not the answer, it will not help the afflicted in the long run nor will it help to maintain healthy relations that will influence one to seek professional help and achieve true and lasting peace, freedom from the pain and dysfunction. 

If you or someone you love suffer with a mental health condition, please know that support and assistance is available.  Please contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): https://www.nami.org/Home

Journaling Through The Years Ep 8: The B**tch is in heat!

Coffee Chat & Book Review: earthshine: To reflect is in our nature

No FU!

           

September sad and softly
Leaves are starting to fall
I recall, last time you were here
Your laughter a melody that lingers still

There's a hole in my heart and I'll carry it wherever I go
Like a treasure that travels with me down every road
There's this longing lonesome ending kind of bitter, kind of sweet
There's a hole in my heart in the shape of you

It has become an all too frequent reality that whenever someone or the collective have a particularly hard year, as we all have been through many in the last several years, it is the thing to proclaim "FU" to the year itself.  And, as it were, this year I could proclaim thus.  

On April 23 of this year, I lost one of best friends, Catherine Hansen, due to cancer.  Also, this year I lost Charles Robinson, who played Mac Robinson on my all time favorite TV show, Night Court, on July 12th.  Then, only a few weeks later, another beloved from the aforementioned TV show, Markie Post, last her battle with cancer on August 7th, 2021.  

It was August 8th, 2021, the day that it was reported of Markie's death, that I found on my mind quickly passing to my lips, "Well FU 2021".  But I quickly stopped myself, before falling into that trap of a mindset, as I have been able to do in years recently past.

Markie, Catherine, and Charles were deeply loved by beloved family, close friends, and doting fans alike.  They were able in their lives to thrive creatively and bring much light and love to the world.  They will surely be missed and the absence is already felt.  

In the wake of this loss, do I have the right to bemoan the year as the worst yet?  Some might say I could.  However, I choose not to, but instead to learn and evolve through the pain, heart-ache, and struggle.  I can remember fondly the beautiful memories created alongside Catherine and the lessons of strength and endurance she passed onto myself and to so many.  By looking at Markie and Charles, as well as Harry Anderson's demise in 2018, I can reflect on, although I did not know that personally, their presence in my life through the TV screen was necessary for me in my early days of life, during which the traumatic experience was newly beginning and fresh.  With that, I can understand that in their deaths coinciding with my intense dive into healing from PTSD is a rebirth for their souls as it is for mine.  Their leaving this plane of existence unto whatever comes next relates to my healing and evolving forward past the pain of my childhood.  Thus, each of these beloved souls are now healers and teachers in their leaving much as they were when they stood with me in the flesh of this life.

The life we lead is built on the joys and the heart-ache, the highs and the lows.  It is not normal or healthy to want to be, always strive to be comfortable, for you never shall and so desiring that will only lead to more discomfort.  I often sarcastically quip that the nickname for my fellow citizens should be "WAB" short for "Whiny American Babies".  Yes, the whiny baby mentality may not be merely only an American thing, but despite my learned background and travels about the world I still only really know myself and my culture as a frame of reference.  

A podcaster I listen to frequently, Stephanie Powers, of the Lightworkers Lounge often says that 'Rejection is just projection in another direction'.  Taken this further, we can begin to view our struggles not as reason to whine, bemoan, nor should we stay locked in an eternal place of suffering for thus we shall never truly escape, but we can begin to realize that in the struggles and heart-ache growth will arrive, true evolution of the soul will continue forward, out of the ashes arrives beauty.

Even though my heart aches
There's a smile on my face
Just like a window to heaven
There's a light shining through

Hear more about these self discoveries of mine in my podcast, the FanGirl Hour, https://anchor.fm/fangirling/episodes/The-bearing-of-my-soul-e15l8nh