My first Christmas

In the midst of the Christmas spirit of craziness and commercialized Santas and unwrapped joy, I decided to sway from my usual daily recovery devotional of ephesians and turn instead to the famous birth that supposedly happened on this day. 

First of all, I woke up this morning not sure what to expect, sure there were well-wishes on Facebook, and a kitten to feed, and a warm welcome from a bed bound husband...but the Christmas spirit had not entered me.  And, I missed the traditions of my family, whatever it is of late, and felt saddened that I was so far away.  (Did our car have to go out this time of year? Did my husband's back have to go out?  Oh well, as I read to my husband, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."  (Hey, with all my husband and I have been through, and with our increased need for more of this thing called "faith", maybe that's our scripture gift sent straight from our loving father this Christmas!  I think so!)

So, with an intent to have some sort of Christmas cheer, I marched down town in the cold to find a coffee shop or a restaurant with take out food, but ended up screaming at the barista who was closing who shop, Okay, Christmas spirit not there yet.  So, here I go...I pray forgiveness for my wrongful spirit on Christmas and pray healing for that young barista that the Jesus' love will enter him, and all will be forgiven between us.  Well, there you go.  After that debacle, (and hey, maybe I needed that release), I entered Safeway, yes, Safeway, the crappy food store I swore I never thought I'd enter, and found some food worthy of putting some money too...and to redeem myself, or find karma, if you believe in that, I bought the checkout guy at the counter a Starbucks card for 15 dollars, so there we go, maybe after picking up all the goodies for Christmas the spirit enters.  So, all is not lost.

Then, I came home, made some coffee, hot chocolate, eggnog combination, crawled down the stairs with my husband (well, we are one flesh, so better do everything side by side) and pulled at his wrists, I read to him a little of the Christmas story.  Yes, the star, the manger, Bethelem, the Shepherds, the wiseman and decorated the house the best we could with Christmas decorations....even our wedding tree that our friend made for us, yeah, that's our Christmas tree...with the manger scenes near by and two lovely Christmas cards.  But, as I was reading the Christmas story, there is always one line that stands out in my heart:

"But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart."  Luke 2:19

 Without much forethought, I read over that.  But, its been trespassing through the road between heart and mind this day of all days, so I write here:  Yes, today we set aside this time to remember the majesty of his humble beginnings, God became a baby.  But, how often do we, like Mary, ponder Jesus in our hearts?  As I wrote on the note on Facebook from an exerpt from a Max Lucado book:

He looks like nothing but a king.  His face is prunish and red.  His cry, though strong and healthy, is still the helpless and piercing cry of a baby.  And he is absolutely dependent upon Mary for his well-being.
 Majesty in the midst of the mundane.  Holiness in the filth of sheep manure and sweat.  Divinity entering into the world on the floor of a stable, through the womb of a teenager and in the presence of a carpenter.

My hope and prayer for my heart this Christmas season would be that the wonder of Christ's humility and revelation of his coming to be my Savior would be just that in the mundane and filth of the world, be it doing dishes, cleaning out litter boxes, taking out the garbage, that that treasure of Jesus would remain in my heart, amidst the daily grind and daily activity.

So, in that spirit of humility of my Lord's coming, I dedicate my heart and pray for that humility and worship in the simplest of ways, I leave you with Mary's song of worship:

"My soul magnifies the Lord,
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant.
For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed;
for he who is mighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his name.
And his mercy is for those who fear him from generation to generation.
He has shown strength with his arm;
he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts;
he has brought down the mighty from their thrones
and exalted those of humble estate;
he has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel, (put your name there)
in remembrance of his mercy,
as he spoke to our fathers
to Abraham and to his offspring forever."

So, now (if you are still reading and if you have read earlier posts), this morning I missed the traditional Christmases of home, but, you know, not only have I been ultimately blessed this season and Christmas, but the love of God has truly worked this year.  He has brought me my true love and faithful companion, my wonderful husband (Ladies, it took 8 years of prayer, so don't give up!), and with it a darling kitten named Z-kitty (Alon-sy!), wonderful family and friends from far away and close by who have provided from their hearts openly (and on behalf of both of us, we thank you), and, most importantly, I've got Jesus...who in the midst of the storms of life, poverty being one of them, he remembers me and promises to stay by my side, our side, both mine and my husband...and of course, yours.  So, in all your blessings, treasure Jesus. 






 

DayTwenty-Day Twenty-Two

                                                Day Twenty-Day Twenty-Two

                          "In him we have obtained an inheritance"--Ephesians 1:11


Yes, I must admit I may seem a little lax on my daily writing, and yes what it has it been three days have passed and so much has happened.  Mainly a lot of answers to prayers for finances, my husband rededicating his life to the Lord, and family visits, and much love from friends and family faraway.  And with this love and blessings,  I must remember to give thanks to the God our Father for supplying all our need.  And, yes, my husband and I can say, that as we both pray for our faith to increase (as we both are now), that little advances of his provisions seem to come our way.

But,truly the promises come from heaven and what, as always, when I am given an blessing or gift from a friend or family member, yes, I should not only thank them but thank God as well, but what I should, and you should too, always be thankful for is the inheritance that was given to us the moment we were conceived into God's family.  We are going to heaven, to start out with, we have our final resting place, not just resting place, but place of eternal rest, peace, and joy secured for us.  We no longer have to worry about what comes next, for if you think about it, this world has enough of that.  So, strike your eternal destination worries out of your head, unless of course, you aren't right with God.  (If that's the case, say a little prayer to Jesus right now, no pressure, just a suggestion!)  But, also we got Jesus.  Today, tomorrow, the next day.  We get to be in fellowship with him every day of our lives, because of our once and for all commitment to him.  For an extreme blessing, He is with us through every single thing we go through, and will stay there when all else abandons.

So, rest in God's promise of his inheritance.  You are rich in your relationship with God, and oh so many gifts, he has for this Christmas and this year.

If you don't have a church, I encourage you to find one this year, for Christmas Eve service and for the rest of the year, but ultimately know that the path to God lies in your hands, whether you decide to turn toward him and away from the darkness, or run away into the darkness that, yes, is fast approaching.

And, then be blessed with the inheritance of a holy, eternal relationship that gives out so much, in fact, has even given you the gift of life.

Merry Christmas, rest in His love for you tonight and the days to come.

"But now in Christ Jesus you who were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ."
 Ephesians 2:13

The Meaning of a Day, and how it all worked out in the end...

So, lately, I have been running around to food banks and such, providing food, presents, and what have you for my little family, and some bills have been paid off because of that.....On top of all that, I have been looking for work, but still focusing on this potential tutoring job I had in Medford, but not holding my breath because that job seemed a little off....not knowing how stressed I was...how tired I would wake up in the morning after sleeping 8+ hours, how it took me a couple hours just staring into space to get ready in the morning.....

Tuesday, I drove out to this far away place called Williams for what seems like a wonderful almost full time but perfect for my stressload job, organic gardening for the purpose of  medicinal purposes.  It was a great interview, I even shared a little of why I believe in organic and healthy diet because of my history of bipolar...and how that has helped me get off some of the psychotropics...and shared how, for some odd twist of fate, I took these three business classes at Empire in Santa Rosa in an area that they were looking for in their field, yet have hardly set foot or have scant experience with office type situation, a volunteer job here, a few months there...what have you...but I felt a connection with those interviewing me and I left, praying for clear way home although I was low on gas, but with a sense of warmth in my heart...knowing that by friday I would know, but even if I didn't have it, I might surely have this part time job as a tutor...

well, then I ran out of gas, and because God is amazing, he provided the right people to help me get what I needed, with what I had left in my checking account to get two gallons of gas to get home, but was unable to get the money to get gas before leaving for the tutoring the next day, so was late, missed the appointment with the student, but cried hysterically to the school all the way because I was late (maybe that was a mistake) and got there, no one was there, there was no arrangement for me to even tutor, called the child's momma, got a voice mail which I said I would be available to tutor the next day...and went home feeling like all was well....

Woke up this morning, got some money for my husband to get gas, oil, and drove to Medford early to run some errands....when my car broke down, I mean, stalled, I mean, would start, then stop, then start, until it just seemed to collapse...So, through the course of a miracle of Medfordites (who really aren't bad people) they just live in a bad town, I found what seem like God-fearing tow truck drivers and auto repairers and got taken personally to work where upon checking my email I received this from my boss:

Hello Lia

Club Z Tutoring will no longer need your services in Medford. Please cease and desist any contact with students, Medford School District and Howard ES school officials immediately.

Thanks for your effort and good luck.

Neil

Well, this seemed a little bit strange.  I wrote back that I had in fact gotten to school on time for today's session, after dealing with my car breaking down, apologized for seeming inconsistent or unprofessional, and pretty much was a swell girl about all of that....seems like most people I talk to are seeing that this guy was the one that goofed up and tried to put all the blame on me...Oh well....maybe tomorrow the job in Williams will open up...and about our car...something will work out...

After losing that job, well, there was a moment of shock, since I really feel I did my best, and even one of the students' parents seems to still like me, but then peace...I wouldn't have the stress to think if I was going to work that week or if this boss of mine was coming through...it was over...so then I walked to the mechanic and got the time to rest and practice my lines and songs for the play and just feel happier and more at peace, less stressed, than I have in a long time.....

And when I think of how God came through this week, with the food boxes, free Christmas presents for my neices, yes, truly, ways for my husband and I to get stuff for ourselves, healing in my life and my marriage, and oh my goodness, free clothes...not just any free clothes...but really cool free clothes and shoes....and isn't that pure joy, girls?

So, what I learned from all this stress is to let the things that matter work themselves out and to let everything else fall by the wayside, to trust as so many people told me this week, "everything is going to work out" because it eventually does, in one way or another.....and God is the great provider and will do miracles if you just faithfully seek and trust him...

So, God, I love you, I trust you, and I place my heart in your hands once again.

Good night all and have a pleasant tomorrow...and a merry Christmas.

Black Friday or Good Friday?

Wait, has anyone ever really thought about that? That the day after Thanksgiving we call Black Friday, but the day that we honor Christ's death on the cross we call "Good Friday"....hmm, interesting?  But, really, Christians call it Good Friday, because it is the day our sins are washed away, completely, one hundred percent forgiven, and as I read today gives us the ability to enter into intimacy and complete union with the Father.  Did you know God's complete purpose in sending his son is redeeming us so that we could have complete intimacy with him, unbroken, unconditional love?

So, really, today is Black Friday, because people forget what to be thankful for and hurry to be bombarded with Christmas musak, commercialized Santas, and oh so many people just for that deal.  I worked in retail, so I know the drill.  Really, I am one to go to little out of the way bookstores, or pick up things throughout the year, that just speaks to me about that person.  So, really, today can be called Black Friday, because of the emphasis on commercialized capitalism and not what the true meaning of the season is.  And doesn't this season begin Sunday for Catholics?  I forgot what that is called, my Catholic friends can remind me.  But, my husband and I went to the first Sunday mass after Thanksgiving with my Grandma last Thanksgiving and the Lord truly met us there.  Say, what you want about Catholic churches, you closeminded evangelicals who think you know the right way to seek the Lord, Jesus does show up there.

So, after spending my Christmas holidays in college shucking through Black Fridays, I am very happy to note that I will not partake of that.  Maybe because its in Medford, and if you are an Ashlander, you try to avoid the Medford scene as much as possible...some people feel like they have to take a shower after they return from Medford or do some spiritual ritual to cleanse away the demons.  And, I already have a stack of books that I have been collecting at local bookstores for friends and family, little gadgets for others, and such.  And thinking about helping out at a food pantry or such for the Christmas season, helping those less fortunate, because my husband and I may seem to be "one of the least fortunate" we've got more than some, so as the Bible keeps saying "whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed".  And my heart's prayer is always that I may not do it for the repayment for the Lord, but that it needed to be done, except sometimes the repayment from the Lord is just the joy and peace of the Lord, ie the Holy Spirit.

What I have been learning from my reading of scripture, of reunion with friends, healing wounds with my father, books, is that salvation is a gift that enables us, just not eternal life, but true intimacy and relationship with the Father and, of course, Jesus.  I have learned that because of my crazy times my mind goes berzerk, I am not condemned by the Father, his love is always open to me.  It is me that runs away because of self-condemnation, not the Father, who wants to hold me and wipe away the tears.  So, either because of the crazies or the racing thoughts or just the time of year, I can find rest in knowing my security is in Christ, my relationship with the Father is secure.  Is yours?

This Christmas I hope to give more than I receive, in some small ways.  For those of you who have been following my reading, Bill and I met a military man during our layover in San Francisco.  I am trying to get his address so that Christmas cards can be sent to him from many, and maybe a package from my church.  Since all this combat, I haven't used my emotion to have anger towards Bush but have felt an amazing heart and need to reach out to those in service, through prayer...seems like a door has been opened.  So, anybody who reads this who wants to help by sending a Christmas card or what have you? Send me an email and when I get his address, if I can, I will send it to you...juliacweston33@gmail.com

Also, I plan on tithing the little that I have, especially for my child in Central America.  Her name is Roxana and she is a gift from the Lord.  Because of financial troubles, I have been wonton to fork over the 32 dollars to pay for her needs, but something convicted me in that I needed to start doing it, after all, God blesses our obedience and God seems to be opening up doors for us to be able to do things like this, like food stamps, health plans that pay copays and such, a potential work situation for me, what have you....and hopefully if work does come through this year, I will try to buy her a little gift, or maybe, just send her a Christmas card...

For any of you interested in reaching out to an orphan or a child less fortunate (Roxana is not an orphan), look into Compassion International, its a very honest organization and seems to be doing some good for God and for children.  There have been several opportunities for me to do mission trips, but, alas, I always lacked the finances...maybe in the future...and hey 32 dollars is really not a lot, come on, you can go without that coffee, to provide shoes, clothes, food, good schooling, and spiritual education for a young one....a future that they may not already have.

I mean, when we think of the gift that was given to us in the form of a baby, that humbled himself to sleep in a manger, in a barn, really, that would offer us security and eternal communion with the father, unbroken, unconditional...it seems like nothing that we can give the little that we have to help out another....and as I have heard, it doesn't have to be with our money, it can be our time, or physical presence....

Prayer is a big part of reaching out to the world and definitely I have seen prayers answered.  I believe God is answering big prayers this Christmas season for my family, especially my dad.  Maybe I was too close to see and was too inundated with his anger to really see beyond that, the pain he was feeling...but the very hunger that he had to read all those Billy Graham books, he's humbled and may not be able to hide anymore....God speed into that house, I pray.  Anyway, come what may, God has entered my heart and removed the root of bitterness towards my father, and I accept him for who he is and who he was in my life, may the healing between us begin and may God be our head.  And, that is the one of the best gifts I could receive this Christmas, isn't it?

So, remember the meaning of this season; the true gift of salvation that offered us, not just entrance into heaven (that's pennies according to the reality) but lasting, unconditional love and intimacy from the father, his sole purpose before the fall of man.  His sole purpose for creating you.

I leave you with this, the greatest commandment that Jesus spoke:

"Love the Lord your god with all your heart, mind, soul, and body"

"Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you."