you don't want my love
you don't want my love
i'm so full of myself, i'm selfish
i'm so full of myself, i'm selfish
everybody want some help, can't help it
everybody want some help, can't help it
Okay, I know what you are thinking, this is the HILL I die on? Really? What the hell am I doing anyway, defending a narcissist, or rather, a person with narcissistic personality disorder? A person, mind you, who would never, could never possibly do the same for me. Or perhaps could, because, there are different types of, different degrees of NPD...wait, I'm getting ahead of myself here.
First, as I described in a past entry, You Can Leave CW: #domesticviolence #intimatepartnerviolence #dv #ipv, the word "narcissist" or the slang "narc" is overly used as a blanket statement for any and everyone that acts abusively. In addition, the word itself is used whenever someone seems to behave in a selfish manner, as the general public does not know the distinction between a simple negative behavior or that of having an official diagnosis. Some may not even know that there is an official diagnosis, narcissistic personality disorder, located on the Cluster B section of the personality disorders. Regular people walking around probably don't even know or understand just what the hell even is a personality disorder? But I do, yet I'm not even a therapist, rather just an overly curious mentally ill person carrying around the mantle of CPTSD who has been the victim of quite a few personality disordered individuals quite possibly, definitely, and who also finds reading the DSM a fun past-time. But, that's me, and I never said I was anything else but "weird".
So, here's the thing, when I hear the term "narc" or "narcissist" bandied about to describe any person that behaves manipulatively or wounds another in abusive, non-socially accepted ways, I tense and find in myself the need to launch into a long unending explanation that may start to seem a little 'lecture-y". I'd rather not do that, I'd rather perserve my friendships. After all, who am I anyway, not a mental health profession of any sort that can diagnosis, that's for damn sure. To reiterate, I'm just an overly curious mentally ill woman who seeks out knowledge hungrily with a desire to understand more with the hopes of recovery and impactful change.
It's important to me that those in the general population that find themselves victimized in anyway by a loved one or colleague that abuse has many different root issues and the reasoning behind such is myriad. An abuser can be sociopathic (antisocial personality disorder, not gonna go there right now), someone with a substance abuse disorder, yes, npd or another personality disorder, or even a person struggling with depression or anxiety. Manipulation and anger, factors of abuse, are often coping strategies used by a person struggling, unsure of how to get their needs met in any other way. A person that behaves this way can be sociopathic, yes, but they could also be acting from a place of great pain, such as one with depression. It's varied. Using the blanket word "narc" is both ill-defining for those with APD and detrimentally harmful to those struggling with depression, anxiety, or other personality disorders and diagnoses. In short, we all have the propensity to act in abusive, hurtful, and manipulative ways at times of our lives, whether situational or psychological or a mixture of such.
Understandably dealing with someone with NPD is fraught, difficult, emotionally draining, and damaging. Self care is the most important part of living a happy life and at times that means extraditing oneself from the NPD individual. However, for the importance of this entry, I want to take a closer look at one symptom of NPD which has brought a certain fascination and some empathy for one who seems to lack such, that of the "fragile self esteem" component of the NPD individual. It is this reality that separates the NPD individual from one with ASPD (antisocial personality disorder) as this fragility reflects a sense of conscious, thoughtfulness, and social awareness which is extremely lacking with ASPD. The high likelihood of criminal involvement and violent behavior is prevalent with an individual with ASPD and not necessarily that of an NPD. (See: Narcissistic and Antisocial Personalities: Similar but Different )
Just as there are a multiplicity of reasons why one abuses or becomes an abuser, from depression to substance abuse to sociopathy (and many in between), there is also a multiplicity of types of narcissistic personality disorder.
Educating oneself on the variety of NPD as well as the overall diagnoses can help bring understanding and awareness of one who is abusive towards you. As well, learning about the myriad of other reasons why a person abuses can help extradite from such and commence the healing needed. Thus, learning about the types of abusers helps understand the reasons why someone becomes abusive, sheds light on our own toxic patterns and roots that led us to be victimized, and can be highly beneficial in our recovery. Diving deep into one's own healing journey will be highly enhanced by continuous, vociferous learning and self advocacy. In this self growth, one can develop the self confidence and skills to effectively deal with one with NPD as well as other abusive types.
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