Chronic

 I have openly spoken in the past about my struggles with my mental health conditions, namely Bipolar Type II as well as CPTSD, not to mention having Celiac Disease which affecting physical, mental, and emotional.  However, recently, for reasons unknown to me, I have begun to experience frequent physical chronic issues, such as fatigue and flu-like symptoms.  Due to these physical issues, cause yet unknown, I have often found myself within the last year, if not longer, days on end, struggling to motivate and needing far more rest, weakening my productivity and ability to work for financial increase.

However, due to this unknown physical strain, lessons have been learned upon my mental and emotional that have strengthened a sense of peace and resolve within.  If the pandemic life taught me anything, it is such that time is what we decree it to be, there is no need to rush through life, always striving to succeed, never fully reaching satisfaction.  During the time of quarantine, both personal and corporate, I have realized the value in trusting in the flow of my inner guidance to help reach my chosen intentions and in such have achieved a sense of peace in prosperity, success being now something vastly different than what it was some two years ago, if not ten or even twenty.  

Thus, due to the issues of chronic illness of any variety, I have found the value in learning and listening to my body and soul's needs for self-care and rest and in that I find the strength to accomplish what is needed for that day, resting in the truth that all else will be achieved in its time. My purpose is to focus in on this present moment and rest in the fullness of that alone.

Moreover, I have discovered the beauty in the cleansing power of physical illness in such that it mirrors that of the spiritual dynamic.  In these last several years, I have witnessed a purge, or rather a cleansing, of a variety of relationship and connection that I once held dear yet proved to be toxic, that which the relation has exceeded its purpose and is necessary to drift away, the lessons learned from the time spent together.  Just as I witnessed both the positive and the pain from this removal, so to the feeling of a fever ravaging the body as it burns away the physical mirrors the cleansing of the soul.

In my deconstructive journey out of fundamentalism, I have come to the conclusion that, in a very real sense, all paths lead to God, something which my former fundie teachers would look at with dismay.  But, upon my journey from the trappings of fundie Christianity, I spent time looking into a variety of other spiritual practices and world religion, and what I discovered was that similar wordings, rhetoric, teachings, and methods were used across all variety of belief, whether pagan or organized.  Thus, my conclusion was such that the true purpose of living is seeking something beyond ourselves and such there is truth to the belief of the spiritual.  Thus, I see this time of chronic suffering, whether it be the physical fever or the pang of anxiety, as a means of cleansing, refinement, and clarity within.

In that, basing my intentions of purpose secured around my wellness journey, all is reached in the time it is meant to be.