Who Are You Without, Who Am I Without---

https://blacklivesmatter.com/news/

I'll be perfectly honest, I'm not sure how to start this blog.  Over the last week, much like the rest of the country, I've been under a deluge of hate and bewilderment, a hatred I have never fully experienced and never shall, merely because I was born under the banner of white privilege.  Being born white has afforded me the luxury of not having to fear unwarranted violence and attacks against myself or my family.  I've never once felt threatened by the police, instead have always been greatly helped by them.  

I realize that being a woman I have had my own style of abuse that all women, regardless of color, race, creed, relate to and agree should not be happening.  But, this blog is not about women's rights, the women's movement, or even more so about me.  

A white female friend of mine from my fun-die days, who is still a very active member of that worldview, posted on Facebook her response to the current events dealing with the deaths of George Floyd, Ahmed Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and also the ridiculous behavior of Amy Cooper.  She was raising her voice against the injustice in a way that I believe was false by bringing up the notion of "reverse racism".  She and her husband were missionaries in Africa some years back and ended up adopting several African children.  She spoke of the discrimination and backlash she felt because of this, saying that they were accused of child trafficking or would be using these children as their personal slaves.  I believe she was feeling defensive and not only showing her white privilege but also how her limited beliefs left her ill-informed and on the defense.  (A side note: fundamentalists are taught that the world hates Jesus, the world hates Jesus in them, which boils down to "the world hates you", so with that logic going through your head wouldn't you always feel on the defense? A sad way to live indeed!)

But, what she missed was these deaths, these protests, the BLM movement was not at all about her, nor is it about me.  She, like I have done and I can imagine all of us have, failed to see beyond her own self and situation. If I had deemed take the time to respond to her post, which I did not because I fear she would not want to hear, I would have asked her simply, "Why do you think these people were afraid of your trafficking these children or using them for your gain?  Why, as American citizens, why ever would they think that?"

Face it, white folks, the United States of America was founded on white supremacy and privilege, slave labor and black racism.  Admitting that is the first step to healing the gaping wound that plagues our country's soul and will hopefully enact real change.  

You've got to be taught to hate and fear

You've got to be taught from year to year

It's got to be drummed in your dear little ear

You've got to be carefully taught

Of people whose eyes are oddly made

You've got to be taught to be afraid

You've got to be carefully taught

And people whose skin is a diff'rent shade

Before you are six or seven or eight

You've got to be taught before it's too late

To hate all the people your relatives hate

You've got to be carefully taught

You've got to be carefully taught

You've Got To Be Carefully Taught

It has been said that babies are born into this world with a clean slate, no ulterior motives of judgment or violence against themselves or another. Another notion, that I find myself leaning towards, is that before our birth we choose to be re-incarnated into the lives we come into for the specific purpose of healing and evolving to whatever comes beyond. Whatever the belief or thought, the same truth seemingly applies and my thinking being that children are not born with hatred or racism, that, as the song states, 'has to be taught.' We are programmed on what to think by our families of origin, the society we live in, the school system, what sources of media we take in, and on the list goes. We may not be surrounded by sources that are trying to be negative, racist, or full of hatred, but these sources have also been brought up in similar backgrounds. Whether we like it or not, we all carry a sense of subtle racism. Like I mentioned above, admitting is the first step towards healing, not to condemn, but to embolden to take action, be a better person, and do what is needed to make that change, not for our personal validation but for the world.

Despite the incidents of the last week, I believe there may be small improvements, very minute. Now, remember I am viewing this from my 'white girl' lens. But I see these small improvements merely because of the outpouring response to the protests and marches in themselves, not the looting and violence that followed. Many Americans, including whites, standing for their black brothers, sisters, friends, colleagues, fighting for a change in bitter shock that we are still having to overcome this battle. Yeah, that's a slight improvement. But, why does it occur in the face of such public scandal, why isn't an ongoing battle we wage alongside our black brethen?

Why is this? Why is this still a reality, or rather why has this form of racism never died as even others are losing their ground? I believe, as the song says, "you have to be carefully taught", by your family, by society, by those around you on the playground, by the media. It may be slight, we may think of ourselves as woke white folk, but within there is that subtle racism such as pointing out the color of someone's skin when you see them approach, you may not mean anything about it, but why do we have to acknowledge it? Do you ever see a white person approaching and say, "oh here comes a white person?" No, why would you? Well, why must we inform ourselves "oh here comes a black girl, a Hispanic boy, a lesbian,"? Why must we differentiate based on our differences? I think individuality is important and vital on a personal level, but the influence of enforcing these differences causes the breakdown in communication which results in separation, leading to an "us against them" mentality.

For my part, I chose to withhold from joining in the protests in my local area, not because of any threat of violence (I live in a small area), nor because of the continuing spread of COVID-19, nor even because of my issues with large crowds due to my PTSD trauma, no, none of those. I chose to refrain because I did not want my protest to be from a place of "FOMO" (as the kids say) or about how righteous I look when I share a photo of myself protesting on social media. Social media is a valid tool but too often it becomes a source not just of social interaction but internal validation. In the last several months, perhaps years, I have found myself stepping back and limiting my interactions on social media to business related and/or funny jokes, choosing to deal with my personal life on my own, with my close friends, and therapist. As an actor, you would think I crave external validation and, I think, surely all of us do, but I am choose to actively work against that norm.

So, I stayed home from the protests to reflect on what I need to do to be better at supporting and helping to raise awareness for such issues like the Black Lives Movement and about bringing an end once and for all an end to systematic racism. I find it horrifying that as we have advances and real change in such issues surrounding LGBTQA+, Trans Movement, even mental health issues, there still is oppression, violence, murder against the black community. It is a true fact of our country that a black individual does not feel altogether safe wherever they may go, does not feel supported by law enforcement, fears for their lives on a daily basis. All of these things I can never truly imagine living with or ever really know.

In attempts to lend my support and help make the change needed to end racism against blacks, I choose, not just to cast my vote, donate when I can, but to begin within to heal the ways I was taught, the ingrained lessons of subtle racism. I choose to do that work inwardly, without needing the attention therein, because this fight is not about me. Its the first step and one that is valid as I move forward to raise my voice and actions to fight against injustice. Believe me, when I say, I won't stop at my inward beliefs, but use it to embolden to take the right steps toward healing my nation and the world of the plight of racism, that should never have been.

But, still, I believe, real change begins within and only within. For it's when the doors are closed, no one is around, nowhere to run to, that we have to face ourselves and our true natures are revealed, that of which we cannot hide from, with no one else to shame or blame.

So, I ask you, who are you when no one is around, who are you without, and even more so, who am I without?

Donate to Black Lives Matter at: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, a film and media company with the desire to bring real change by raising awareness for social issues through the usage of effective media. Support Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions

Have thoughts on what I wrote? Feel free to comment below. I respect all opinions and feelings and desire an open, honest, non-hurtful dialogue. Thank you.