Just A Girl!

All of my life I've been a girl, born with the female gender parts, loving societal imposed idea of what it means to be feminine...and yet being ashamed of it.

Growing up, girls and women were looked down upon as incapable, less intelligent, not as strong. Yes, even in the 1980's and 1990s, this was a reality.  Thus, even while wearing the dresses, make-up, jewelry, I found myself feeling increasingly uncomfortable as I progressed through life, more and more developing a low self worth and appreciation. 

It wasn't until I started meeting my many wonderful transgender friends, looking beyond the manipulations of the conservative church's viewpoints, and seeing these friends as individuals who are seeking to define and live with truth, integrity, and fully themselves.  As they came out more and more, I witnessed with joy and wonder their ability to be truly who they are inside.  That was a revelation and a moment of reality for myself.

I wasn't being authentic and real with myself.  I wasn't allowing myself to be truly 'me', was allowing the forces of the patriarchy to shame and silence me into oblivion.

Then one day, almost by chance, I came across a facebook page of a friend who identified herself as "cis-gender female".  At first, I thought this was a means of attacking the transgender individuals, as the conservative christian worldview would label their being only two sexes, because God.  Whatever.  So, I sought the advice of a good transgender female friend and asked her about this.  She helped me immensely by sharing that it was not a smear tactic but a validation of this girl to admit her true self to the world without fear.  By calling herself 'cis gender female' this girl was boldly and radically outwardly defining her inward self with pride, in a sense, she was coming out.

To clarify, cis-gender is defined as "denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds with their birth sex."

Learning about this form of identity was a healing revelation for me.  By opening myself to this and beginning to share with the world, I found strength within myself.  For the first time in my life, I could dress how I wanted to dress without feeling the strain of being not good enough, smart enough, not capable enough fall upon me.  I began to truly live and be myself.   On this journey, I began to realize that I am lovable and worthy of love, that I am truly capable, intelligent, funny, and more than just a pretty face.  I have worth beyond my looks and yet how I decide to suit up is based solely on my desires and needs, thank you very much.

To this end, I proudly say with the band, No Doubt, I am "Just A Girl.