Nine Months or Days Away...

For most of you readers know, I have thrown caution to the wind (not literally as there is not a person named "caution" and throwing said person to the wind would be unneccessarily cruel...well, depends on the person) and have gone forward with pursuing my childhood dreams of acting, not stardom, singing, and writing---and now dance thrown into the mix (Yikes!)

With increasing support from friends and the ever present help of my creator, I put myself through the some time, not so humiliating, process of auditions (the theatre world around here is candy-land, comparatively).  In truth, the tiring part is the grueling process of preparing monologues for said 'try-outs', as finding the time in a 'cramped schedule' is difficult, to say the least.

So, without further ado, I recently was given the part of the Butcher, or as we shall now know as "Mrs. Bissett" (in my mind, Francine), as I was graciously (?) allowed into the family of Randallians in their Christmas performance of, Scrooge, The Magical Musical.  This yet to be lovely production opens December 12th (to a sold-out audience) at the already lovely Randall Theatre of Medford.

The issue is, at this time, up to last night, we all feel very ill-prepared and worried about the fast-approaching opening night with increasing trepidation, more so, than former plays that have trespassed across the boards.  In weak encouragement, we try to leave each other with the ol' meme, a la Shakespeare In Love, "It'll work out"...with response from hearer..."How?"...and the come-back..."It's a Mystery!"

Until last night, I, myself, felt uncertain if I could really pull it through...maybe its the negative feedback of a so-called best friend who when I posted, jokingly, that I "must rehearse"--responded "why bother? You'll just fail anyway..." or something to that affect.

Last night, we the cast, mostly, and not the directorial staff, came together to rehearse on our own.  Before our work, we came together in a circle and talked about our insecurities, frustrations, worries...and something magical happened, we started to became a unit, a family...it became an "all for one, one for all"---as we put our hands together and yelled out in unison (the first time?): "Scrooge!"

We're genna do this, folks! Come hell or high water, something "fantastic" (in the words of the Doctor) will occur.

As one of our fearless (fearful?) leaders quipped, that after the run-thrus, work-thrus, final dress rehearsal, it'll get worse...(Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence)...However, I heard,

"It'll get birthed!"

So, that's what's going to happen over the next four days and then some, a baby will be birthed, a life will be formed, a "magical miracle of musical excellence" will develop....

Believe it, folks, it'll happen! That's the magic of theatre, and the grit and sweat of some overly-hard-working actors and crew with day-jobs and "lives"(really?)...

So, to my dear cast & crew, I leave you with the word I expressed to my darling "babe" at the start of the production:

Alon-sy!

Scrooge opens to the public December the 14th (the dearest day in all the year...) at the little theatre that could.

Y-Camp, Yay, Y-Camp!

Lately, I have been thinking about Ravencliff.  Where I went to for three years during high school as a camp 'counselor'.  (I say in '' because I was actually a C-ILT, but I tell people that I was a counselor because it makes me feel better..).  Regardless, I have been thinking about it.  In certain circles, we, Ravencliffers, would refer to it as 'camp' and knew in the back of our minds that is was affiliated with the YMCA, but, ultimately, Ravencliff was just Ravencliff.  It was truly my first experience with spirituality and contemplating the divine.  In all the turmoil that I was going through during my high school years (at home mostly), there was always Ravencliff and I looked forward to it every summer.  Just closing my eyes, I can see it in my mind.  How the light falls on the creek in the afternoon, the coolness of chapel in the early mornings, the long trek up the hill to the cabins, the rustic beauty of the cabins, the rock where we all carved our names....

I don't often spend time thinking about it, Ravencliff comes to mind every 6 months for a fleeting thought, but ultimately its always there.

It sometimes seems odd to think of all the things I have done such as Ravencliff.  Just two weeks every summer for three years is a small amount of time but the influence it has had on my mind and heart is outlasting.  I always thought of it as sort of a little joke, you know, the meme: "That Ol' Ravencliff Magic"...but it is truly real.  Whenever I have needed it, that magic has been there, giving me the strength I need, even now, years after I have left.  I have always wanted to go back, but now I wonder, do I need to?  Is it too late? Am I too old?

I recently was watching youtube and somehow found some videos referring to Y-Camps, so I typed in Ravencliff, just to see.  There it was, kids, most likely high school counselors (as I had been), had taken their cellphones or their digital cameras and filmed campfire so then they could go and instantly upload it, perhaps.  It was funny to see and not in the least bit odd.  Having technology there at Ravencliff seemed a degradation of something holy; when I was at camp, there were no cellphones at all, the internet was just starting out and hadn't really taken off, and we didn't even have digital cameras.  No, we had the ol' fashioned film cameras, where you couldn't see how the photo came out until you took the three or four rolls of film  to the store where you forked over 10 dollars or so to get them developed, remember glossy and double print..which means no way of controlling how many pictures you could take, so make it a good one!

 I now know a little of why I find so many people, after 'camp, that I connect with and its because they, too, seem to have some of that 'camp feel' to me, even if they never set foot on the upper playing field (UPF), or smelled the chocolate factory, or went through the nightly ritual of the ragger's creed....So, I accept the love and connection of these new 'campers' in life, with hopes to instill some of that 'ol Ravencliff magic' into their lives!

There's No Place Like Home!

"Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things are ahead, I press forward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."--Philippians 3:13-14

 I have some issues regarding the common translation of this verse.  I know what it says, to not focus on what is behind and reach forward.  But, too often, I fear that Christians take it too literally in that trying to 'forget what is behind', they hinder their own personal healing and growth that the Lord offers them.

A few years back, I was led back to my home-town, for the purpose I thought, was to attend graduate school, but in the end that only got me 12,000 dollars in debt! In my heart of hearts, I resented the fact that I had to leave Ashland, of which had not only been my place of residence, but had come to be, and always had been, my true home on this 'swiftly-turning planet'.  But looking back (no pun intended), I see now that my purpose in moving back to the place where I was reared was to cut out all that is within me from my past that was hindering me from moving forward in my walk with God.  In a word, looking backwards helped me to let go, reach forward, and press on to the "upward call".  Without that time of introspection and realization of my anger, unresolved pain, bitterness, and abuse from family, friends, even the church (something I still deal with today, "Jesus never said everyone was lovable, right? That's why he made the church!"), I would not have found the amazing freedom of true healing and the pathway to not only receiving forgiveness for myself but for those who hurt me in the past, present, and even the future.  By looking back, as well, into the ways I have wronged others, I am free to forgive those that hurt me by recognizing how I have done damage myself.  So, I urge you, my Christian brother and sister, if you have been told by the leadership of the church or even other parishners, to forget what is behind, not to obey this until you have made peace with yourself and allowed God to 'work out' the pain that needs to be released.  Only in that, in my experience, will you be able to move forward to your glorious calling and a true freedom.

I resent, as well, the popular thought around the church that "feelings are  evil".  In truth, I had a friend outside the church, a nonbeliever of  sorts,  who always has expressed the need for me to "feel my feelings" and that has been the truth path-way to abiding deeper and more closely with the Lord.  In my own thought process, feelings are just feelings, they are not bad or good, but merely feelings."  Feelings do not necessarily have any significance of a notion of evil or sin, they just are.  I have found when I start to feel a feeling, if I acknowledge to myself and allow myself to 'experience that emotion' (not necessarily by expressing it outwardly), it passes away and I am able to continue forward.  Later on, I am able to examine why the emotion was felt and truly let that be healed.

Well, during my struggles back in the childhood stomping grounds, I often longed to be once-again in my true 'home-town' of Ashland, Oregon.  I cannot explain to those who are not called to this place just why and how I feel this to be my place, and even if I travel or live elsewhere, I know that this is always where my heart resides.  And truly, home is where the heart dwells!  But, I know this was where I was supposed to be, at some point, I was meant to return.  I would often find myself fleeing the confines of the California residence and escaping to a kind of 'spiritual retreat' to Ashland.  All my friends that reside here, who truly know the magic of the town, knew that I would one day move back.  I felt this too, but I know now that I could not return until God had accomplished in me what he needed to internally in that place.  But, as I say with my favorite movie herione, Dorothy Gale, "There is no place like home" or rather, "There is no place like Ashland!"

I hope my readers will themselves go back into their past, deal with it, acknowledge their hurts and how they have hurts others, and then truly move on.  You may not have to physically go back to a place, but there may be 'a place that resides within' that you need to travel to, and become truly free.

So, at that time, I pray you can say the words I have longed to express to my Ashland friends (about my time in California and all that entitled):

"Truly, this was a real live place, and I remember some of it wasn't very nice at all, but most of it was beautiful--But, all I kept saying was, I want to go home! I want to go to Ashland--And they sent me home!"

And also, the lesson Dorothy learned, I have learned in that:

"If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard, because it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with."

Truly, friends, there is no place like....Ashland, Oregon!

He who has ears, let him hear

A fixed moment in time...

Humor me, once more, as I foray into another random connection between Doctor Who and my faith in Christ.  When the Doctor travels, he often speaks of the idea that there are fixed moments in time, as in when he and Donna traveled back to Pompeii, knowing that the destructive volcanic eruption could not be changed or it would alter the entire scope of world history. 

This brings me to my next point: what is the fixed moment in time of our own lives that we would want the Doctor to change?  My mind thinks back to the time of Christ's crucifixation.  What would be the implications if the Doctor somehow rescued Jesus?  In fact, a matter of opinion, this would alter the whole perspective of faith for many, and singularly for me.  Would still our sins be forgiven, our trespasses be wiped out?  And, then, would Christ go willingly with the Doctor? Can you even imagine the conversation between the Doctor and Jesus?  I am sure the correction of mind and heart would come not from our Doctor but instead from the greatest of all physicians.  (Hmm, food for thought?)

Okay, I bring this up because, honestly, I often find myself, looking up and wondering if HE is really out there and if HE would actually come for me, really not thinking of Jesus here, folks, but thinking of The Doctor, which thought then convicts me.  Because of whom is the true savior of the world, who really loves the world....and who is real and who is really coming back and was, and is, and is to come...

So, yes, if the Doctor was real, I'd want him to come back and, yes, I would go traveling with him.  But, still knowing, as we see from the 'endless end of the world' finales, he never quite conquers the world's problems, we, humans, are always getting ourselves once again into a jam.  But, as written in Hebrews, Christ conquered sin and death once and for all and with our hearts on him, we need not fear the tribulation to come!

All this to say, I would find myself interested if The Doctor took me back to the time of Christ's crucifixation, but would I want anything to change.  Perhaps, giving the male disciples a piece of my mind (John excluded, of course)!  But, all in all, I would want this moment to be fixed for all time...

But, as I said, I look to the sky above, wondering if the Doctor, or someone of his sort, really exists and if he would really come for me...but then, yes, there is Someone and, yes in fact, He is returning.  So, my thought is, wouldn't it be totally awesome if, as we are looking up, the tardis comes soaring through the sky and startled we are, upon landing, the door opens and out comes....Who? But, Jesus.

"And behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to give every one according to his work." Revelation 22:12

He who has ears to hear, may he hear...

Donna Noble: Super Temp, Doctor Donna! (Oi! Space Boy!)

Who is Donna Noble?  Okay, she is another one of 'The Doctor's companions, in fact, the third of the tenth doctor's reign, the second of the red headed companions (the first being Mel, from the era of the 6th and 7th doctors...the third, well, see Amy Pond and my earlier post, "the girl who waited").

So, tenth doctor seemed to portray a rather James Bond type of doctor, seemingly, undesirable to a few DW diehards, most likely, those of the male persuasion (huh?).  So, up to this point, tenth doctor's companions seem to have a lust factor after him, as in with Martha's infatuation and, of course, the devotion of Rose.  Yet, as we know, only one seemed to be able to crack the hard exterior of his heart and teach him a little of human affection and love, see: Rose Tyler.

But, Donna shared a different relationship with the Doctor, definitely not of attraction or any sort of interest.  She pursued travelling with the Doctor for her own interests, to learn about all that was out there beyond her knowledge or human comprehension.  To be pushed beyond her own understandings, thus developing into the person she needed to be.  Because of this, she was his friend, there to keep him grounded and to insist on his doing the right thing at all costs.  She also could see that he had a purpose in changing her life and helping her to become who she was meant to be. 

In her friendship and travels with the doctor, more and more she became strengthened to use her natural talents to fight the evil approaching, not only those of her heart and compassion but the natural day-to-day abilities afforded to her.  She was, as she quoted, able to do things based on her experience as a "temp"!  Through this, she acquired the experience to forever be known and cherished as "Doctor Donna", in a sense, the Doctor's best friend.  So, too, as we walk with our creator, we can know that we are his best friend and thus will be able to use the gifts he gave us for his glory and the salvation of the world.

Know that our "physician" has given us the talents and gifts to use for his glory and the working of truth and calling in our own lives and the lives of those we love!

What are they? Ask him and he will show you, even more, how to use them.

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

Emmanuel: With Us In the Storm

A few years ago, a pastor at my church in California was taking us through an understanding of the names of Jesus.  As I was going through a time of depression, the name that spoke to me the most was "Emmanuel" meaning "God is with us".  I read this morning in my daily devotional that without walking in the spirit, trusting in God, we will, in a sense, not acquire the land.  For some of you, this may cause a conflict of conscience as you may have not received the Lord's forgiveness for the ways you have trespassed.  And, in truth, even as I daily seek his forgiveness and grace, I know that I find myself following the flesh, the distractions of the world, and not of the Spirit.

And yet, this conflict leads to the pain of our heart, as we know the ways of the God are the pathways to life.  This prick of our souls is brought about as we receive God into our hearts, we become temples of the living God.  He is truly "with us" always.  As we receive his grace, we are given the strength to turn away from the ways of the world, of sin, that which damages.  As a good friend once explained, Glory In, Glory Out; Garbage In, Garbage Out.

In continuation of this thought, we can know the Lord is ALWAYS with us in our troubles and will see us through, as we place our faith in Him.

As you know from previous posts, I am a tried and true "Whovian", that of which, a fan of Doctor Who.  So, I find in the Doctor a reference to our Lord, in that, he always comes through in the trials of the world and thus in the trials of those he travels with, consequently, aren't we truly "companions" of the Lord chosen by Him to travel with him?  (May you come to that revelation today!)
In faith, The Doctor's companions cry out to 'save the world', which only strengthens their faith in him.  As we saw with Wilfred, he will also seek to rescue the lives of those that he loves individually and do right by them.

That is the Lord Christ's promise, that he will come through, that he is with us always, that his statement is true that he says in Joshua 1:5: "I will not leave you nor forsake you."

So, my prayer for myself each morning, noon, and night, that I will trust in this promise and receive it fully and obediently, He is with me and will come through in all my trials, troubles, and circumstances.  For those of you readers of the WWW, may your hearts not fear but trust in the Lord's promise, know that he is with you, and will come through.

"Grace to you and peace from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for our sins, that He might deliver us from this present evil age, according the the will of our God and Father." Galations 1:3-4

Selah

Choose your own adventure!

So, I recently read a book entitled "A Life That Matters" by my good friend, PK Hallinan.  I highly recommend this book to all seekers and those trying to figure out their calling, how to best used their God-given gifts for His glory, not ours.

In this book, PK describes his decision to become a writer, specifically a children's author, in that he just started calling himself that, to himself and those he met, whether in a work setting or non-professional.  So, without further ado, I would like to announce myself as my calling, what I have wanted to do all my life, but gave up in the forced manipulations of those who thought they knew what was better for me (which ended in me going into debt, argh!) and that of which I believe can use my talents fully for God and for the betterment of the world.

"I am an actress and a writer."

There you go, so I have been going in that strength, through prayer, wisdom, the spirit.  I auditioned for Scrooge, the Musical at a local theatre with the song, "I could have danced all night".  When I attempt to prepare for auditions, I find a piece of which I can relate to the character so that in the time I have to get ready I can find a way to 'become that character', even in a short amount of time.  It helps if the piece, whether song or monologue, somehow connects to something that is going on in my life, at present.

I also have an audition for a band this Saturday, and keep the feelers (rather emails) going out for more...we'll see where this leads.  (I have a fanpage, however I designed it myself, I will post a link below.  A friend is helping me post clips from plays I was in today!)

I have been writing as well, specifically, I like to write plays.  It seems strange that as an early child, without really any knowledge of the construct of plays or screenplays, I was writing in this manner, specifically sitcoms!  So, because of that, I choose that medium because its what comes naturally.  I already have written one play, 'A Seeker's Heart', that has yet to see a production (with hopes that it will soon), which is loosely based on how I met my husband.

Right now, I am working on a play about what goes on backstage during a play; you know, its not the characters off stage, for example, during Working, I wasn't on the street, earning 100 dollars in twenty minutes during intermission!  Specifically, the play is about the relationships that are formed, both positively and negatively, and how they influence the real life.  I hope to show the realness of the hard knocks of theatre, the dirty side, yet still show how its worth it: show how 'art bleeds into life' and vice versa.  Mainly, its about choices, here's an excerpt from one of the actors who plays "Mr. Rex" onstage, but whose "real name" is Chance:

"Choices! The choices you make in this moment will shape what happens in the next, and the point is, to choose rightly, the path that leads to what you want, need--for happiness, life...to make a difference in someone's life. (beat)  It's all about choices.  (beat)  Make the right one and its a GO!  Make the wrong one--BAM-O!  Like me, I've made choices in my life, some good, some bad, like right now (glances onstage, sighs)  But, all I ever wanted was an opportunity, like my name, Chance.  My personal motto: Give Chance a piece! (winks)"

I share this with you because you too have a choice, each moment, its there.  Before you step, pray, breathe, and then jump...and hope you land well!!!  Even when it goes wrong, remember its a life lesson.  And, in truth, it will all end up for the good of all involved!

In closing, what do you want on your tombstone? (Not the pizza)  PK Hallinan asked this in his book.  I've thought about this and really it boils down to, I want to make a difference in as many people's lives, change the world, make it better.....bring joy to someone's heart, if not one, but many.  God knows!

"Here lies Lia Dugal, She brought a "lite" to our eyes!"

Choose wisely, its your own adventure!

He who has ears to hear, let him hear