"Forgetting what lies ahead and straining towards what is ahead, I press on..."--Philippians 3:13
Basically, I don't see anything wrong with this verse, as moving forward from the past is the only path we really have in this life. Time on this earth is linear, we move forward into the future and as of yet time travel has yet to be accomplished.
So, I get it. Its healthy to not linger on the past, to forget what is behind in order to continue forward towards your goals, in order to achieve your dreams. Good idea, sounds reasonable.
On the surface.
But, when I read it, a whole plethora of memories not so good floods up at me. A painful realization of a time in my life when pressing forward was more important than honoring, remembering, and cherishing the past.
During my time at Calvary Chapel, I spent most of it in Sonoma County, the place of which I grew up. In its belief that they had the final say on the literal translation of the Bible, Calvary put an emphasis on this verse. And, in the place where I had memories from before, old class-mates, childhood friends, and the like, it became a pit of an emotional disaster.
As I mentioned previously, Calvary was very exclusionary in their world-view, not just towards the Non-Christian or Non-believer, but even going so far as to exclude other similar minded churches from being called " Truly Christian". In addition to that, as I have mentioned before, emotions, intellect, advanced education, reading other books besides the Bible or those not dictated by the leadership was strongly discouraged, even frowned upon. Your spiritual walk and obedience to Christ was questioned if you partook in any of the above activities.
What this resulted in, I have discovered, is a loss of understanding of self and identity as well as the inability to think for yourself.
From some thorough examination, I have discovered Calvarys heightened focus on the "forget what lies behind" part of this verse to be disastrous to one's understanding of self, identity, and life purpose, even one's own spiritual walk. For at Calvary, we were persuaded that any outside relationships with non-christians, whether past friends or current, were to be dealt with in the light of "bring them to church and get them saved", for there could be no closeness with someone who did not walk with Christ, at least in the Calvary worldview.
What this resulted for me, and I think for others, was a depreciation for the experiences and relationships of childhood friends, classmates, camp friends, even families. Now seen through the eyes of what the church taught, my past memories with these friends were skewed by the judgment of the sins committed. You were forgiven but it was constantly, by the church, drudged up about all the bad stuff you did in your BC (before Christ, for those not familiar with the lingo) days. Thus, you were constantly in a state of shame for these past indiscretions. What were you to do then was to move forward to heal. The only way to change was to forget.
But, that is not possible. Healing from the past never works if you try to merely forget. We all have our past issues, pains, and grievances. Stuff we carry around with us that color our understanding of our current relationships and situations. Not dealing with that leads us to continue the cycle of destruction over and over again. Perhaps that's Calvary Chapels true motivation, keeping the people submissive is easier if they are constantly in a place of shame.
During my time at Calvary, I had my breakdown and subsequent diagnosis with Bipolar. The only thing that really healed and helped me was therapy, both group and individual. Real therapy, not Christian where you read the Bible, studied some verse, and felt better. No, that's band-aid therapy, that's almost a kin to doing a drug to cover the pain. Very much like, in my opinion.
During my years of therapy, I did not dwell in the past or live there. In actually, the years I spent trying to forget I dwelt more, whether living in regret over past mistakes or reliving old hurts. In short, I didn't move forward no matter how much I said I did.
Therapy brought about true healing and forgiveness for those wrongs and hurts I caused and had done. Through extensive therapy, I looked back, re-wrote the past, and then released it.
However during my Calvary years pre-breakdown, I cast aside the childhood friends I care so much for. After the breakdown and the therapy, I sit face to face with them, remembering the lovely times of our shared pasts yet cheering each other on as we move forward to our glorious futures.
Its those long-time friends that, despite my treatment of them during the Calvary years, that have remained with me. Its the Calvary friends that have now cast me aside, choosing themselves to continue to "try and forget". I do so hope that works for them and if not I pray they find true healing.
