I've been thinking about the nature of addiction, in my life and those around me. I've been made aware of the disastrous effects addictions to certain substances, such as alcohol, can have on an individual's physical as well as interpersonal lives, numerous times over. Its both painful to watch and very awe-inspiring when the individual finally admits their weakness and enters recovery.
But addiction isn't just that of a dependency on an illegal substance. Legal substances can also be an addiction, such as alcohol and for that matter, coffee and tobacco.
But, what does it really mean to have an addiction? And, can we have an addiction on anything else besides a substance? Can we be addicted to a TV show, a movie, a certain story, certain concepts we latch onto, a way of being we formulate as the right way, religion, even for that matter, people? Can even love, or rather the idea of it, be an addiction?
So, what does it mean to have an addiction? For my part, I do not claim to have an addictive personality, but I do believe I have had addictions, mainly to relationships of my past. Illusions of what I desired my life to be, an escape from what I saw as lacking in my current life situations. I even for a time sought out religious practices as a form of addiction, an escape.
Because I feel that addiction is just that, an escape. We can surround our addictions, not substance related, with reasonings up the wazoo of why this particular item or focus is beneficial to us and to others. And, in a sense it is. Every addiction has its benefits, even tobacco and alcohol can have medicinal purposes. But the sad fact becomes apparent that in abundance the addiction can become fatal, not to just our physical but also our spiritual or emotional selves.
In the abundance of our addiction, control takes over and we lose ourselves. We lose the ability to self-analyze ourselves, to truly overcome and find healing for that which led us to the need for the addiction. When I was attending Calvary Chapel, the draw to join and continue membership became a desire to fit in, to disappear from myself, to find the easy answers for my struggles. Did it work? No, not entirely. There were some benefits to that addiction. I found some friends with whom I have sweet memories, but I still needed to sacrifice that addiction in order to find true healing and freedom from the dangerous despair of my own inflicted pain. For years, I tried to hide within the confines of organized religion, my drug of choice at the time, to escape from the reality of my own detriment.
Now, I am not saying that religion is bad, nor am I saying that all drugs or devices are bad. I do have many friends that have spiritual beliefs, likewise friends that partake in certain substances. But the fact of the matter is, by allowing these aforementioned items into their lives, they are merely enjoying and not escaping. An addiction appears when something becomes more of a reason to hide than truly allow ourselves to delve into the root of our pain, release, overcome, and find true enlightenment, as such. But, this can be daunting and thus the addiction, whatever it is, can look more appealing, a comfort.
So, what's the solution? For my personal life experience, recovery is an ongoing path we all partake. We all get better with age and grow more fully into ourselves with each experience. Thus, my path is not your path, nor is my addictions your addictions, or my issues yours. I won't try to rescue or save, or steer you away from something I seem detrimental. I have seen friends fall off the wagon, seen friends make negative choices based on their need to escape, and also seen how my trying to enforce their change proved the opposite.
So, I focus on doing what's right for myself, even if that is sacrificing a certain relationship or releasing an individual into their own despair. I know that ultimately focusing on my own health will catapult itself to a better life for myself and those I come across.
In actuality, that's all any of us can do. To quote Shakespeare, "To Thine Ownself Be True."
