Always You.

The other day I was at the recycling center here in my small town and leaning against the back gate, set apart from all the bins and containers, was this.  Ever the romantic, it spoke to my heart and gave me pause to reflect on one of my current squeezes as I continue to grow in my relationship discoveries, am I really poly? Perhaps this sign is a sign that this person is, has been, always 'the one'.  

So, after conferring with the worker at the recycling center, I picked up this sign and stuck it in my back seat and as I drove homewards, I started to think.

Truthfully speaking, do I believe in the one? I'm not speaking in terms of polyamory, but rather the notion that there is one soul mate out there made just for each of us.  From the looks of it, going over all my history of romantic connection, I feel now as if there is not.  Rather, I  believe that throughout our lives, we encounter a plethora of soul mates brought into our lives at certain  moments to help guide us to our destiny of full soul evolution.  Furthermore, these soul mates do not have to be of the amorous variety, or even any one we 'sleep' with, a platonic friendship can also be that of a soul mate in its divine purpose within our journeys.

As I pulled into my driveway, I pulled this sign out of my backseat and carried it over to this little table in front of my patio, wherein I placed it atop to rest and proclaim its message to all who should read, which for the most part, is me.  

Everytime I am working outside (which right now is plowing away at the terrain of my acreage to set up an above ground pool), I walk by and look at this sign.  The meaning has shifted from what could be its intended purpose.

Overall the world over is inundated with the Hollywood ideal of romance, whether it be in film, tv show, or song, as well as going backwards through history we can find plenty of novels detailing the love story motif.  Thus, we have developed in our understanding that "it was always you" is the promise given to another that we were waiting, this is destiny.  

But, what if the YOU isn't another, but ourselves?  For the only one we can truly have a say over our thoughts, actions, and emotions is us.  The ultimate truth to the journey of life is not to seek salvation in another, or even something external, but to seek within for the firmest of foundations.  Thus, it is each of our very own selves that is the destiny of which we were always waiting. 

Therefore, "It was always me" and as well, "It was always you."

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

The Reason Is You

Are you addicted?

In the world according to Google, the definition of addiction is thus: the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.

I've been thinking about the nature of addiction, in my life and those around me.  I've been made aware of the disastrous effects addictions to certain substances, such as alcohol, can have on an individual's physical as well as interpersonal lives, numerous times over.  Its both painful to watch and very awe-inspiring when the individual finally admits their weakness and enters recovery.
But addiction isn't just that of a dependency on an illegal substance.  Legal substances can also be an addiction, such as alcohol and for that  matter, coffee and tobacco.  
But, what does it really mean to have an addiction? And, can we have an addiction on anything else besides a substance? Can we be addicted to a TV show, a movie, a certain story, certain concepts we latch onto, a way of being we formulate as the right way, religion, even for that matter, people? Can even love, or rather the idea of it, be an addiction?
So, what does it mean to have an addiction? For my part, I do not claim to have an addictive personality, but I do believe I have had addictions, mainly to relationships of my past.  Illusions of what I desired my life to be, an escape from what I saw as lacking in my current life situations.  I even for a time sought out religious practices as a form of addiction, an escape.
Because I feel that addiction is just that, an escape.  We can surround our addictions, not substance related, with reasonings up the wazoo of why this particular item or focus is beneficial to us and to others.  And, in a sense it is.  Every addiction has its benefits, even tobacco and alcohol can have medicinal purposes.  But the sad fact becomes apparent that in abundance the addiction can become fatal, not to just our physical but also our spiritual or emotional selves.
In the abundance of our addiction, control takes over and we lose ourselves.  We lose the ability to self-analyze ourselves, to truly overcome and find healing for that which led us to the need for the addiction.  When I was attending Calvary Chapel, the draw to join and continue membership became a desire to fit in, to disappear from myself, to find the easy answers for my struggles.  Did it work? No, not entirely.  There were some benefits to that addiction.  I found some friends with whom I have sweet memories, but I still needed to sacrifice that addiction in order to find true healing and freedom from the dangerous despair of my own inflicted pain.  For years, I tried to hide within the confines of organized religion, my drug of choice at the time, to escape from the reality of my own detriment.
Now, I am not saying that religion is bad, nor am I saying that all drugs or devices are bad.  I do have many friends that have spiritual beliefs, likewise friends that partake in certain substances.  But the fact of the matter is, by allowing these aforementioned items into their lives, they are merely enjoying and not escaping.  An addiction appears when something becomes more of a reason to hide than truly allow ourselves to delve into the root of our pain, release, overcome, and find true enlightenment, as such.  But, this can be daunting and thus the addiction, whatever it is, can look more appealing, a comfort.  
So, what's the solution? For my personal life experience, recovery is an ongoing path we all partake.  We all get better with age and grow more fully into ourselves with each experience.  Thus, my path is not your path, nor is  my addictions your addictions, or my issues yours.  I won't try to rescue or save, or steer you away from something I seem detrimental.  I have seen friends fall off the wagon, seen friends make negative choices based on their need to escape, and also seen how my trying to enforce their change proved the opposite.  
So, I focus on doing what's right for myself, even if that is sacrificing a certain relationship or releasing an individual into their own despair.  I know that ultimately focusing on my own health will catapult itself to a better life for myself and those I come across.  
In actuality, that's all any of us can do.   To quote Shakespeare, "To Thine Ownself Be True."

The Reason