Remembering David #inlovingmemory #intheshapeofyou

Jewel - The Shape Of You (with lyrics)

I recall, last time you were here Your laughter a melody that lingers still

Nearly a month ago, on May 5th, 2023, I lost one of my best friends, David, surprisingly, unexpectedly, gone.  The last several weeks have been a blur of work and helping his mother with the life shift of which she now finds herself.  The mourning from his absence has not fully set itself upon me, mostly during this time, I have felt a sense of numb shock of disbelief.  I keep finding myself expecting to hear from him over social media, a private message about some creative project he just dreamed up and of which he wishes me to collaborate, a remark or comment on something I have newly posted, a word of encouragement, an inside joke.

Only to then be hit with the truth of it not ever being a reality again.  No longer will I see his broad smile as he approaches, his fancy hat atop his head adorned with matching coat, coming to hang out or help with a project, waving me in excitedly at his studio for a photography session, or his boisterous giggle cheering others along at the local public access TV studio he loved so much.  

David's heart was large enough to include all he met as chosen family in an instant of knowing, a patient sense of non-judgment for all he met, seeing them as they are and not what he wanted from them.  His enjoyment was simple, in being with those he loved, exploring their creativity alongside his, a forever champion for those he held dear.  His heart was bruised by betrayal yet it remained soft enough to continue to love, in times of good and times of hardship, he was a loyal soul always ready for whatever was needed.

I have had the privilege and honor of meeting up with many of those he held especially dear, sifting through his wide variety of creative projects he birthed.  David's influence upon the world, the mark he left behind, was diverse upon the hearts of many.  He will not be forgotten, his presence lingers still within those who loved and love him still.  

I have yet to truly cry, but I feel a sense of peace, as if my friend's strong presence and reassurance is still abiding within, encouraging me to persevere, excited for the projects swirling in my mind, an ever present and enthusiastic cheerleader upon my soul.  

In high school, I attended a YMCA summer camp called "Ravencliff" in the hills of Humboldt County, where I heard the story of Yellow.  Yellow was a princess surrounded and protected by only that of Yellow, shielded by her parents warning her about the foreboding outside world.  But, as is necessary, she eventually finds her way into the great beyond, discovering to her horror, at first, that every time she meets, then departs from someone, she is different from whom she was.  But, she finally discovers these differences have only made her better, for she carries the lessons learned and memories shared from each person experienced and after all is said and done, she is now "Rainbow", no longer merely Yellow.

David brightened my life with hope and real love, turning me into "Rainbow Lia".  The mark he left upon me will burn forever bright with the intention to do likewise for those I know and have yet to meet. 

This hole in my heart 

and so I'll carry it wherever I go 

Like a treasure that travels with me down every road

There's this longing lonesome ending

kind of bitter, kind of sweet 

There's a hole in my heart 

There's a hole in my heart 

There's a hole in my heart in the shape of you

An excerpt from Broken by Jenny Lawson

 

One Final Time

The fire cackled bright and the smoke billowed upwards that last night at camp, their last night as junior counselors. The head counselor, Raven, took the stage to tell a story that would remain in their hearts and grow with meaning throughout their entire lives.

“There was once a little girl named Yellow,” she began. “Yellow lived in the land of yellow, where everything was yellow. Her parents, the King and Queen, told her never to go beyond her yellow walls. But, one day when Yellow was playing with her yellow ball, she threw it and it went over the wall. Not thinking, Yellow ran after it. She ran and ran until she came to the ocean, where everything was blue. A little girl walked up to her and said, “Hi, I'm Blue, what's your name?” Yellow said, “Well, I'm Yellow.” Blue said, “Let's be friends.” So they played and played until one day when they were sitting by a tide pool, Yellow noticed her reflection in the water and that everywhere Blue touched her she would turn a strange green color. She got up and ran and ran until she came to the desert where everything was Red. A little boy walked up to her and said, “Hi, I'm Red, what's your name?” She said, “I'm Yellow.” Red said, “Let's be friends.” So, they played and played until one day they were sitting by an oasis and Yellow noticed that wherever Red touched her she changed a strange orange color. And, she started to cry. “What's wrong, Yellow?” Red wanted to know. Yellow said, “Everyone I get close to changes my color. Blue changed me green and you are changing me orange. I don't want to change. I'm Yellow.” Red thought a minute and then said, “Isn't it special though that the people you love change you in such a way that when you leave them you carry a piece of them wherever you go?” Yellow thought and said, “Yeah, you're are right.” Yellow went up to Alaska where everything was white. A little girl walked up to her and said, “Hi, I'm White, what's your name?” Yellow said, “Hi, I'm Rainbow, let's be friends.”

Raven looked out into the dusky dark at the assembled senior counselors, junior counselors, and campers alike. She smiled quietly and then said, “Jewels is up next but what you really want to know is, Whose on deck?”

The campers recited the last question with her and she beamed at all of them.

“That would be all the junior counselors,” she answered and moved down into the audience.

Jewels, or Ruby, climbed onto the stage with her guitar. She stood and looked out into the sea of faces in the dark, timidly. This was the moment she had been waiting for her entire three summers at camp. She had yet to stand up on stage at campfire and perform by herself, let alone one of her songs. This was also her final time to let Les know how she felt, she hoped against hope that he alone would truly hear her message.

“This is a poem by the poet, Rod McKuen, that I adapted into song. I hope you like it,” and she began strumming the chords that led to the lyrics. Nervously she began but soon lost herself in the power of the song, the words so vibrant to her.

“I wanted to write you some words you’d remember
words so alert they’d leap from the paper
and crawl up your shoulder and lie by your ears
and be there to comfort you down through the years.
But it was cloudy that day and I was lazy
and so I stayed in bed just thinking about it.

I wanted to write you and tell you that maybe
love songs from lovers are unnecessary.
We are what we feel and writing it down.
seems foolish sometimes without vocal sound.
But I spent the day drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes
and looking in the mirror practicing my smile.

I wanted to write you one last, long love song
that said what I feel one final time.
Not comparing your eyes and mouth to the stars
but telling you only how like yourself you are.
But by the time I thought of it, found a pen,
put the pen to ink, the ink to paper,
you were gone.

And so, this song has no words.”

She finished the song and the rest of her family of junior counselors joined her on-stage. The stood arm and arm and began singing A'Capella the song they had memorized these three years at camp, the closing campfire song with a simple truth of life that brought back memories of what Crowshaven had done for them in their awkward and sometimes needy teenage years.

Together they sang, “Peace I ask of thee, O'River, Peace, Peace, Peace. When I learn to live serenely, cares will cease. From the hills I gather courage, visions of the days to come. Strength to lead and faith to follow, all are given unto me. Peace I ask of thee, O'River, Peace, Peace, Peace. Abide with me, fast falls evening tide, the darkness deepens, Lord with me abide, when other helpers fail and comforts flee, help all the helpless, Lord, abide with me.”

It was over and the junior counselors helped guide the campers back to their cabin for their final night before boarding the bus back to the 'real world'. Jewels' senior counselor took her campers up to the cabin so Jewels hung back. She walked down to a cliff over-looking the flowing, singing river below, the one that was the boundary between the magical world of Crowshaven and the outside reality. She sat down on the still warm surface from the day's sun and in the dark listened to the sounds of camp, trying to capture their memory in her heart for all time. Trip, or Les, walked up behind her, she could feel him. He stood for a moment and she held her breath. Would he say anything, had he heard?

Trip hesitated for a moment, standing and listening himself. He thought about sitting beside her but then heard his campers calling to him. He slowly turned and walked away into the night.

Peace & Abide

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The Story Of Yellow

In the spirit of making a difference of people's lives, which I have been wondering about, and in fact, due to our recent troubles I asked my husband if I had made a difference in his life for the better...and he said that he said that I had.  In that spirit, I would like to tell a story that I kept my husband in memory of me all these years, have told to numerous children, and has been my personal anthem for my own life.

There was once a little girl named Yellow.  Everything she saw was Yellow.  Once when she was playing with her Yellow Ball it went over the Yellow wall and she chased it.  Even though her parents told her never to go beyond the yellow wall.

Well, she ran after it until she came to something that was great, big and blue and wet.  A little boy approached her and said, "Hi, I'm blue, what's your name?"  And she said, "Well, I'm yellow."  And Blue said, "Let's be friends."

So, they played and played and played.  Then, one day, when they were sitting by a tide pool, yellow noticed that wherever blue touched her she would change a weird green color.  That scared her, because she was yellow, not green.  So, she started to run and run and run.

Until, she came to a place that was very dry.  A little girl came up to her and said, "Hi, I'm red, what's your name?" And Yellow said, "I'm Yellow."  So, Red said, "Let's be friends."  So, they played and played and played.  Then one day when they were sitting by an oasis, Yellow noticed that wherever Red touched her she would turn an orange color.  So, Yellow just turned and started to cry.

Red said, "What's wrong, yellow?"  And Yellow replied, "How come anytime I get close to anyone they change me into something I am not? I am yellow, not orange or green."

Red looked at her and thought a moment and then said, "Isn't it nice that when we meet someone and then for whatever reason they pass through our lives, we take a piece of them with us, so that we are never really the same because of their difference in our lives."

Yellow thought for a moment and then said, "You are right."

So, Yellow went up to Alaska where she met white.  And Yellow said,.

"Hi, I'm Rainbow, let's be friends."

This is dedicated to my husband, this story was what bound us together all those years, to Samantha Kelman and Tara Daniels (because it is their story as much as mine), and to all my friends and loved ones who have made me into more than a yellow but a rainbow.

So, tomorrow, as you go your way, remember how big or small, the interaction you have with someone may turn them into a white or a rainbow.  Just, a thought to guide you as you head towards the end of your night.

God bless and have a pleasant tomorrow...all SNL