As a life-long feminist, I never thought I'd actually be thanking a guy, let alone a bunch of guys for my coming of age as a woman. But, here it goes.
One of the life-changing events of my life happened at a small-town coffee shop in the year 2003, yet it was a time outside of the linear time-line of my life. True, I could map out it out with the other noteworthy events from my life, high school prom, graduation, college graduation, the year I spent at a coffee shop, my Christian conversion and subsequent aversion, and on it goes. But, looking back, this time of my life was a stolen season of life, a time outside of regular existence.
In that place, that coffee shop, a magical existence transpired. And, I'm not romancing it as often is done when looking back in the past. It was a time of turmoil, both in our country and in my own personal life. Our country had just declared war on Iraq, for some weird reason, as a result of 9-11, and aptly put I was falling in love. (It seems strange that in times of turmoil on a global level, my love life soars, but there it is.)
In a very real way, I was pulled in many directions. My friends at the Christian church were influencing me to leave my friends at the coffee shop, while my friends at the coffee shop were, understandably, wounded by that but in the end just living their lives as they saw fit. Looking back, the beliefs of fundamentalist Christianity was more disastrous upon my life and my relationships than any other association. But, I digress.
At the coffee shop, I found a group of friends that loved me unconditionally and without judgment. In retrospect, having them in my life has been more of a far-reaching influence upon my spirituality than any form of organized religion. They not only taught me about love but heart-break, being true to myself, living in the moment, trusting in something outside of yourself, and in fact taught me that I do have worth. They believed in me for who I was and the abilities they saw within me. This is true even if they have been scattered across the far-reaches of the state and left me behind. After all, it was a time out of time, a stolen season of our lives. I only hope in the depths of my heart that I gave them some of the same.
It makes it even more poignant that not only did the coffee shop, aka Grizzly Peak Roasting Company, close down after we all moved away, but the city eventually tore down the building entirely and put up a brand spankin' new building that bears little resemblance to the original building. So, all the memories stored up in place, the graffiti we scribed in some places, for example, are lost to time and stored up in the recesses of our memory. (I may have some actual pictures stored somewhere too.)
But the lessons learned, as I mentioned above, still live within me today and for always. The magic of that season of my life lives on inside me and for always. Nothing has equaled it since, nor ever will. Although recent events have come close, they still vastly differ.
Recently, I went hiking, well, I am a dog-walker so its a common occurrence. But, this particular day stood out to me. It reminded me of all the hikes I took with my Grizz boys, the ones where we would break from the trail and just climb, sometimes on ground that was not stable, we'd just climb and explore. I always put some form of trust in them to keep me safe on those adventures and to guide me home. On this recent hike, I went by myself, with the two dogs, and like those hikes of old we climbed and followed some form of animal trail as far as we wanted to go. When I reached the end of that trail, I came upon a country road, then looking around I wondered how I was to get back. I started back down another trail, with the dogs, and kept walking, somewhat fearfully because I wasn't sure where I was going. I thought of my Grizz boys, the fun times we had while hiking, the good and not so good memories, the trust I had in them. And, then something happened. I made my way out of the woods and back to a place where I could find my way back from whence I came.
This was an amazing moment. I had done it myself. I could finally trust in myself to make my own way. Without my Grizz boys, showing me the way and showing me how back in the day, I would never have learned that I had the strength inside myself to find my own way out of the woods, my own way in the world.
And, thus I did. And, for this, I thank them.
Now, in a figurative sense, I'm making my own way in the climb of life. I recently launched a production company, known as Cafe-Girl Productions. And, once again, I have my Grizz boys to thank for that. Not only because my time hanging out with them at the cafe helped shape my identity as the Cafe Girl, but because it is because of their belief in the fluidity and spontaneity of life, the belief in the ability of self to endure and keep at it, that I can move forward with all of my endeavors.
And, thus I do. And, for this, I thank them.
No comments:
Post a Comment