The Beauty of Childhood

A little too much gingko yesterday and so much got done, laundry, brownies, healthy dinner, garbage, litterbox....but truly I have found much success from taking my gingko biloba, my memory has definitely sharpened!!  Funny thing is, I think I took an extra one because I forgot if I had taken it or not, so what does that say?  I don't know...

So, finally, when I laid down to sleep, my mind started drifting off with the swirling cacophony of dreams, somehow I got on those firecrackers we used to have when we were younger, the ones that sparkle and you have to shake in order to keep lit.  Which reminded me of a 4th when I was a child, about two or three ( a fact that the gingko is working, if I can remember that!),  my mom or dad handed me one of those sparklers and I didn't know what to do with it, until they told me to shake it, so it went out pretty quick-style.  The fact is, they didn't tell me before they handed it to me that I needed to shake it, but probably in their eyes, as most adults think, that I didn't understand...and I have to admit that my thought of children is that they need a little extra instruction, and perhaps, as a teacher, that is what is needed in some categories, as shall we say "contemporary education"...but in other ways, the child is actually more present, more aware, and more pure than what we are...and isn't that what we all strive for?  (I am speaking, in regards, to all spiritual backgrounds and interests!)  In my perspective, it is what Jesus was referring to when he said, "let the little children come to me", as only the child is pure enough to completely yield themselves to loving  him fully, honestly, and completely.

But, what I remember about that moment, is that I was completely in the moment with the sparkler, I was completely absorbed in the beauty of the sparkling light, something that those around me were unable to see...because, perhaps, in my childlike innocence and faith, I was able to see...and in that moment, I was closer to my creator than I am in these days!

I always had an innate interest in the spirituality, even in a family that claimed to be agnostic, even atheist.  And, yes, I was the only child raised without a religious education, in some degree, yet they only one that openly sought out any form of aspect of the divine.  Perhaps, it was because of my creativity, or my affinity to the craziness, but the spirit-world always called to me.  I was intrigued by nature and once kneeled in the midst of a fairy ring ( a ring of mushrooms) and felt the magic soaring through me.  I remember always believing in a God, saying he lived in the clouds, but He was there.  As a child, I read the Narnia books and believed wholeheartedly in that other realm, used to search for it in my backyard.  As I grew, I read The Tao of Pooh and Deepak Chopra.  I studied Buddhism, after we traveled to Thailand when I was a child.  Later on, my sister gave me a book on Astrology (Linda Goodman's Sun Signs) and I read it from cover to cover, would discuss it with my friends.  This led into Wicca and I started dabbling in spells and rituals that awakened my understanding of the spiritual and natural realm, and how they combined.  Because of this, I was constantly aware of the unseen.  I could understand and relay meanings of my friends' and my own dreams, with accuracy.  A friend got me interested in tarot cards, and that too helped understand myself, my future, and the direction I needed to take in choices and relationships.

Through all of this, God called to me, and mostly through nature.  He called me closer and closer to the sparkling light I saw that 4th of July with the firecracker.  It was his unconditional love that I desired and it was what I found in Jesus.  Please know this isn't a plug for Christianity; I honestly see myself, in a sense, as a Pagan-Christian, and with that, I must emphasize my need and craving for Jesus.  In my heart, I cannot see life without him.  Through all my travelings in the spirit realm, His love was calling for me and it was to him I sought after; that endless love and forgiveness.  Yet, I haven't forgotton or truly given up my so-called Pagan background, it is what enriches and clarifies, in some fashion, my love for the divine.

My message for all of you, whatever your spiritual inclination, is to give Jesus a try.  Please don't let yourself be offended by him and please know that whatever bad thing you have done that may keep you from him, please know that he forgives you and loves you where you are at, no matter what you have done or been through...and that is my prayer and hope for myself, that I would remember.  And, also that presence of mind and heart that I had as a child, that childlike wonder and faith, would manifest itself in my life in my now grown-up world.  Whatever your background, insights on spirituality, faith, remember that beauty of childhood that awakened your senses to the other realm...

This next Tuesday, my husband and I celebrate our first annivarsary and truly it has been a year of growth, self-discovery, and connection.  Bill is my best friend, lover, partner....and I cannot imagine walking through this life without him by my side.  Marriage has helped me understand deeper the love my creator has for me, also the forgiveness.  As I hang on every word and gaze at my husband, I strive to remember the love that He (or she) has for me, the love that knows no boundaries, no restrictions, and that will always and has always been there...to hang on his word and to gaze on him daily.  I pray that that divinity will be between myself and my husband and fill our house, our lives, our individual paths...that each day both of us would awaken with that peace of mind and unending love....that is the gift He gives to me and I pass onto my love, my friends....and all the world