Yesterday, I had an interview for a part time nanny job, and I thank all of you for your well wishes and prayers considering that. I think the job went well. The mother and I seemed to connect right away; more importantly the children and I seemed to connect right away showing me that I still got it, the gift that enables me to reach children at their level right away. So, constantly I ask you to lift that in prayer for I think I could be of some benefit to this little boy and his family, but in the end, all of it is up to God's will.
Today, an door to an old passion reveals itself. I have an audition. Wow, it didn't take that long to get into the swing of things. I am just praying that the play of theater will never be taken out of my heart, no matter what competition may come my way. I also prayed that for myself, in general, that no matter how I age and mature that I would never lose that sense of play and adventure in my faith, my career, my writing, my acting, or my marriage. No matter how hard life gets, I pray that I will always look to God for the expectancy of how he will work all things together for good. As I read in James, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." And truly, that idea of "steadfastness" has been my saving grace these past through days/months/weeks, that I have been through these trials of suffering before, that I know what to do and know how to do it. I also know as I learned today that Jesus has "perfect patience" with me. As friends and loved ones seem to give up and push away, my best friend and bridegroom will not lose his patience with me and his blood covers any sin or wrongdoing I may once again commit in my anger.
On Sunday morning, my pastor's wife, Joanne, shared that prayer, often neglectful, is what is needed to be effective in our walk with God and in life. I have known for awhile that I have lacked in that area. But, one thing that struck me is that my heart and mind changed in that instance when she said that, I made the decision, no matter how much longer I have to go through with my devotional, I will pray. As I said, I have always had this uncanny ability to know exactly how to pray and in the past have seen many amazing answers to my prayers. What else, I need to wait before jumping into a situation until I have the peace of God on that matter. Yeah, after almost 11 years of being a Christian I no doubt have heard that before, but I guess it took that 11 years to sink in, and I hope and pray that it remains in this time.
What I want to say is: I believe that, yes, I have intuition to know exactly what one may be suffering and how they need to go about changing that. Some may call it the gift of discernment. When I started out in my time of suffering (right when I was diagnosed), I was discussing some of these thoughts with my friend, Luke, and he confirmed this in me. Its taken me until this point to really understand it and be completely humble about it, and to learn how to go about it. At first, I became a real snob about it and now I think the best thing to do is to immediately go to prayer about that person or situation. Whatever I am doing in life, yeah set aside a time to pray, but to pray in that moment. It doesn't take a lot to pray a quick prayer when you may be in the middle of work or something. I guess one would call these breathe prayers, sometimes prayers of urgency. After all, James says: the prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
So, dear friends, no matter what your background or your belief or even those who don't know me from Adam (or Eve, for that matter), I ask you, don't hesitate to ask. I give you my email once again and you can leave comments on this page if you do need prayer. Here it is: (it is also on my profile): juliacweston33@gmail.com
But, even as I set out to be more of a devout Christian, I must admit that I am nothing but perfect and haven't been an exact honest follower, maybe, in name only. Something I read in first timothy this morning struck me to the core; really convicted me about my rantings and ravings and my conduct as of late, that it is not, shall we say, righteous. "the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers"...I know because of my lack of faith, diligence to be in the word, in fellowship, in prayer has made me more disobedient to reach out to the needy and the lost, the very fact that I rant and rave about the inability of my father to be the kind of dad that I needed him to be is really striking out against him (which it says is a form of lawlessness), and as Jesus says a murderer is one who hates his brother in his heart, and yes, I have been doing that. Who have I been doing against? Well, so many, mostly to my friends from Refuge. Yes, dear Refugites, I do think your faith, as I remember of it a few years ago, may be a little superficial but one finger has always pointing three back to them, which means my faith was a little superficial. For this reason, I strive to pray for your faith to strengthen and will try to keep the slanderous remarks based on my own faults and not on others. Because as I learned in recovery and I guess have forgotten, we can only be truly responsible for ourselves, and the rest we need to let the Lord have a handle in.
I don't know, maybe some of you relate to this lack of faith and diligence I have spoken of, and maybe some of you, most likely, are facing trials of your own. Therefore, I will end this with a scripture that helps me as well as I hope it helps you:
"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him."
Pray that I remain diligent in my prayers, my faith, and that I will attain the endurance I need in the trials and struggles that come my way. Please don't hesitate to leave comments about your needs or email me if you need privacy in those matters.
I love you all, dear friends and readers, and know that my heart is to be a servant, like Christ, and to reach out to all fellow human beings with the patience that I learn from my best friend, Jesus the Christ.
May you feel an overwhelming sense of God's presence as you go today.
In his name, I pray, thanks and gratitude for your support and your love.
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