Evolving

Recently, I attended an event with the local film community which prompted an interesting revelation of my soul.  Increasingly in the past year, I have become more and more introverted and a self professed, dutiful homebody.  More-over, I have realized that I need not apologize for this lifestyle choice and yet I do find myself doing just that.  However, as I progress along my spiritual path, I am learning daily to practice self care necessary to maintain mental stability to achieve optimal emotional health and enhanced spiritual atonement.  Basically, as well as working several survival jobs, getting the production company thriving, focusing on my own artistic endeavors, that is my internal and most important focus.

So, at this film event, surrounded by the faces of beautiful souls who I had not seen in a minute, I was struck with the discovery of how my own self work and spiritual growth had changed my perspective.  For the record, I do see the value of attending such events as well as supporting my friends in their artistic endeavors of all sorts from a professional standpoint as well as of the heart.  However, I do find that my soul is one that needs a lot of down time to recover from the busyness and business of my life.  In every social situation, I pour outwards more than I internalize.  Added to that, I am currently in a major transitional position in my life that has me at times in an emotional precarious space of mind. 

So, back to the revelation:  My confidence and self worth had grown to such that I no longer felt the need to concern myself with the politics of the pursuit of being accepted.  So much of my life in the last few years has been weaning myself away from the toxic element in relationship and actively choosing the positive and pure.  This active choice has not only healed the intense damage from a lifetime of abuse but has provided me with the strength to endure the changing tides of life and love.

I realized that all this intense spiritual seeking has in fact provided me with a perspective change.  I no longer feel the necessity to 'play the game of politic' as a means to advance my career or approval rating.  I know it is a fashion of the industry I am in as well as a facet of our society, but what is occurring in me is taking me to a higher level.

To be honest, I am evolving. 

And, what is the catalyst that is causing this evolutionary growth spurt?

Love.  Simply love. 

Taking the space to heal and rest has provided me with an increased appreciation of myself, a strength to persevere, an ability to carry a soft heart with a thick skin when the slings of the narcissistic abuser tried to overtake, the increasing ability to choose to not fall sway to the power of the abuser and in a sense take back mine, and thus to continue to see the larger view of the world, the universe, life in all its finery and sometimes ugliness.  Actually in the ugly moments there is at times the most beauty because that is when we grow, heal, and learn. 

Evolve.

I want to express my humility and sincerity that I do not mean to place myself on a high altar.  I do not see myself better than anyone nor do I see my spiritual enlightenment as a means to show off.  We are all on our evolutionary process upwards, each at different levels of growth.

There is no race to the finish line, truly in love and honesty we must seek to assist others to grow more fully into their highest selves.

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A Breathe of Life; A Quiet Repose: the Mystery at Work

I find myself lately getting lost in the chaos of life, do you?  Whether it be illness, financial difficulties, emotional trauma, busyness with work or household duties, at times it feels difficult to keep up and maintain a semblance of peace within myself, and therefore, I forget to take the time to breathe, enjoy the moment, and relax in knowing that somehow, someway, it all gets done.  And in the end, the details of life are of less importance than the relationships we form, the blessings from our creator that enrich our lives.  And truly, if we invest in that which is of eternal value, relationships to God, our loved ones, ourselves, aren't we of much more value for the mundane?

There is a saying in the world of the theatre, when all is said in done, worries about opening night and how it all comes through, it eventually does and with more grandeur and element of surprise than what was ever imagined.  In short, "It's a mystery!"

And so too, in our spiritual walks, however that may come about, we find in trusting ourselves into the hands of the divine, we are blessed with the infinite knowledge that everything will work out in the way it is supposed to, and with precious hopes that we will come away as unscathed as possible.

Truly one of the blessings of meeting my love, my partner, my best friend for life is that he encourages me, as I him, to follow and pursue our dreams and in the end, it is that which preserves our relationship, as we seek out to define ourselves apart from each other, we are brought even closer by the depths of our own understanding, an appreciation of the trust of letting ourselves be.  For, as I am learning as of late, in every relationship there is a natural ebb and flow of closeness which seeks to help us to breathe, step back, and come together again with renewed love and interest.  I am speaking not merely of my partner in crime and life, but also in the friendships and loyalties of my true friends, (Reader: you know who you are!)

So, my message, mostly for myself, and perhaps can be of benefit to you, may you follow your dreams for the wellbeing of your own psyche, spiritual growth, and that of your most cherished and deepest loves, relationships.

“Do the thing you love more than anything in life! You might become a bit unpredictable, sometimes cranky, but you will be happier than you ever imagined possible.”

Remember, in taking this step to personal growth and pursuing our dreams, we do find the chance to breathe in life, repose, and allow the mysteries and blessings of life to awaken us to health, happiness, and spiritual wellbeing.