Recently, I attended an event with the local film community which prompted an interesting revelation of my soul. Increasingly in the past year, I have become more and more introverted and a self professed, dutiful homebody. More-over, I have realized that I need not apologize for this lifestyle choice and yet I do find myself doing just that. However, as I progress along my spiritual path, I am learning daily to practice self care necessary to maintain mental stability to achieve optimal emotional health and enhanced spiritual atonement. Basically, as well as working several survival jobs, getting the production company thriving, focusing on my own artistic endeavors, that is my internal and most important focus.
So, at this film event, surrounded by the faces of beautiful souls who I had not seen in a minute, I was struck with the discovery of how my own self work and spiritual growth had changed my perspective. For the record, I do see the value of attending such events as well as supporting my friends in their artistic endeavors of all sorts from a professional standpoint as well as of the heart. However, I do find that my soul is one that needs a lot of down time to recover from the busyness and business of my life. In every social situation, I pour outwards more than I internalize. Added to that, I am currently in a major transitional position in my life that has me at times in an emotional precarious space of mind.
So, back to the revelation: My confidence and self worth had grown to such that I no longer felt the need to concern myself with the politics of the pursuit of being accepted. So much of my life in the last few years has been weaning myself away from the toxic element in relationship and actively choosing the positive and pure. This active choice has not only healed the intense damage from a lifetime of abuse but has provided me with the strength to endure the changing tides of life and love.
I realized that all this intense spiritual seeking has in fact provided me with a perspective change. I no longer feel the necessity to 'play the game of politic' as a means to advance my career or approval rating. I know it is a fashion of the industry I am in as well as a facet of our society, but what is occurring in me is taking me to a higher level.
To be honest, I am evolving.
And, what is the catalyst that is causing this evolutionary growth spurt?
Love. Simply love.
Taking the space to heal and rest has provided me with an increased appreciation of myself, a strength to persevere, an ability to carry a soft heart with a thick skin when the slings of the narcissistic abuser tried to overtake, the increasing ability to choose to not fall sway to the power of the abuser and in a sense take back mine, and thus to continue to see the larger view of the world, the universe, life in all its finery and sometimes ugliness. Actually in the ugly moments there is at times the most beauty because that is when we grow, heal, and learn.
Evolve.
I want to express my humility and sincerity that I do not mean to place myself on a high altar. I do not see myself better than anyone nor do I see my spiritual enlightenment as a means to show off. We are all on our evolutionary process upwards, each at different levels of growth.
There is no race to the finish line, truly in love and honesty we must seek to assist others to grow more fully into their highest selves.
