And The Oscar Goes To...ME! #domesticviolencesurvivor #freedom #thriver #february24th #liberation #independenceday

 

Selena Gomez - Lose You To Love Me (Lyrics)

I've been dabbling in painting lately, I'm not very good, but I enjoy the process, of creating, exploring and learning a new medium.  Likewise, I find myself hanging out with, associating with fine artists more then other creative types these days, in and out of art studios and art classrooms and devouring book after book about life models in history where the famous artists who immortalized them people the pages.  Furthermore, as I continue my recovery journey, the whole span of my life unto this point becomes so vitally vivid, each moment a swash of paint on the canvas of my healing heart, moments that I took for granted, love given that I was not aware of at the time.  A friend on the phone ending a voice message with "God Bless" awkwardly and the paintbrush swishes upwards, freak-outs leaving me running in college chased by my friends, another brush-stroke, an heartbreaking conversation with a friend where neither knew how to express their truth yet still loved, a brush stroke, getting let go from my professional teaching job because of my mental health, brush, brush, brush, each moment paints a vivid portrait of my journey to wholeness. 

Thus, February 24, 2013, the day I had had enough., another brush stroke on the canvas of my soul. Moments before, on the phone sobbing with a friend who questions why I'm not watching the Oscars...because I couldn't take it anymore, not her, not the academy awards, but my husband's rampant, psychotic, narcissistic manipulation and abuse.  But more than him, the long chain of others, friends, boyfriends, family, a pastor, a therapist, so many throughout the course of my life, whose aim seemed to be to restrain me from being me, them getting off on the wounding, to darken my light so that theirs may shine...

No more, on that day in 2013, snot dripping, tears flowing, screaming, "Go, you say you want to, so go!" Fighting not to crumble as I watched the man I believed to be my true love leave.  In the weeks to follow, feeling empty yet strong, I began to fill my days with daffodils of hope, laughter, love, which buoyed me up for the hard things to come.  Two beautiful room-mates came into my life once I bravely filed the papers to restrain HIM, an adorable new fur-baby (a strong feminine spirit in her own right), a loving, patient new partner, so many meaningful, creative friendships who would lift up, even when I fell awkwardly or ashamedly made mistakes that wounded.  Again and again, that love would make it self a reality, spanning backwards in time before that fateful day in 2013 on forward and it's that love that ultimately helped me heal, helped me again and again to value and speak up for myself, realize my deserving of love, to truly loving myself and being my own best friend.  

And, it was that day, February 24, 2013, the catalyst of such upheaval, that overturned my world-view, an earthquake that awakened a volcano of emotion, release flooding outwards, finally, peace to be me.  

We honor dates throughout our lives, not just national or world holidays, or even birthdays.   But, personal landmark dates that solidify our soul's identity.  From anniversaries of long-term relationships spanning before the time of Facebook, dates of deaths of loved ones, vows of recovery dates, and dates of personal independence such as mine today, painted on the canvases of our souls vitally important  to meditate, ponder, and celebrate where we were then to who we have become. 

Billie Eilish - What Was I Made For? (Lyrics)

And, I have come far, am a completely different person that made that oh so brave decision that day, who I am and all that I would do is yet unimagined, as such so much of who the path she had followed before that date, a girl accepting her fate of being told, held down, controlled, lost in the throes of surrender, hoping to find peace.  For her, then, I share the victory of today, February 24, 2024, the paintbrush in my own hand, basking in the warmth of early spring sunlight, a feeling of freedom on my skin, a deep well of feeling everything amidst the stability of peace, union within.  All of this, I send backwards to her, to all of me, whoever wondered if her 'ship would come in' as she dutifully submitted, that, yes, freedom would arrive at her doorstep with the power of one word, "Go" banishing the hatred of destroyers, giving her the freedom to create and paint herself wholly.  Alive and Real. 

Katy Perry - Roar (Lyrics)

Why Make A Big Deal of....?

Why Make A Big Deal of....?

Jackie Pollock, Guest Author 

It has come to my attention that on the hit television series Survivor a Transgender man was outed. I have to agree with the article on CNN's website that this “....has sparked outrage.” Zeke Smith is the gentleman in question and as far as I can tell he's handled this with class and grace of a true gentleman. 

CBS's Survivor webpage reports that Mr. Smith is a twenty-eight (28) year old Asset Manager from Brooklyn, New York. Websites are reporting that fellow contestant Jeff Varner asked Mr. Smith "Why haven't you told anyone you're transgender?" This folks is called outing a person and it not up to you to do so it is up to the transgender person to do so. Looks like Mr. Varner does not remember the words of Matthew 25:40 “And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” 

Yet in an interview conducted by US Magazine with Mr. Varner he was quoted as saying “I have spoken to Zeke several times and forgiveness keeps coming out of him. I’m amazed and just stunned at his forgiveness. He’s an amazing human being. We’re both on separate journeys to accept what happened and move forward. Those journeys don’t intersect. He reached out to me and the conversations we’ve had have allowed me to heal. He’s calling me some rough stuff out there today and I get it. I give him every bit of room to come after me and I respect him for it. I deserve everything he’s doing. My focus is on Zeke and his health and his well-being and what I can do to help him.” 

Yet People reports “While the show was filmed eight months ago, Smith told People he struggles with forgiving Varner. "I don't think (Varner) hates trans people. I just think he has a lot of misconceptions about trans people," Smith said. "I think if he wants to be an ally to trans people, he has a long way to go." 

A lot of us reading this weren't there so we don't know exactly what happened yet I ask why are we making a big deal out of this? It seems to me the wrong doer and the person who was done wrong to have patched things up; let's just let these two gentlemen be. Nothing lost on either side; nothing gained on either side and I say it appears that pure forgiveness has been shown to both sides.