This is why I absolutely love the new Netflix series, "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt", it speaks to me directly. When I first saw the little blurb about it, a young girl escapes from a cult, I was intrigued because that's my own story...and then it made me laugh very very hard. And, I learned once again that our own personal tragedy can be funny and in that laughter we can find healing. Well, I did. I found commonality.
Unlike Kimmy, I wasn't trapped underground, yet psychologically I was, trapped. Fed a bunch of lies about the world, held back from forming my own opinions and shaping my own identity, from continuing to shape deep meaningful relationships with those on the outside, my family and long-time friends. In a very real sense, I lost a lot of time. But now, I'm gaining it back.
Why did I allow myself to do this willingly? It seemed like a lot of fun, at first. But then it slowly began to be not so fun. It became restrictive and at best judgmental. In a place where I thought I had family, I felt more alone and isolated, frightened really, than I ever thought possible. The only thing to do then was to run as far away as possible, into the great big scary world.
And, then my eyes were opened, once again. The scales, as it were, fell away. And, what I saw truly surprised me. The world was no longer scary, was not really coming to an end full of depravity and grotesque sin. People were still really good at heart, full of love and acceptance. Friends that I hadn't really been there for were still there for me, happy to take me in again with open arms. I found myself over and over again; I found family, I found love.
Like Kimmy, I look up at the world daily with great big eyes of wonderment. It really is a beautiful, awe-inspiring place with so much to see and do. For so long locked away, I now gaze outwards, all around me, with such fascination and joy.
In truth, I'm in a better place now, one that I never thought could ever be again. I'm happy, I'm full of joy and peace, and honestly, I am unbreakable.
And, I'm free.
I'd like to dedicate this entry to my fellow "Calvary Refugees", David Templeton and Jessica Heald with so much gratitude for sharing their stories of recovery and healing. I also extend my gratitude towards my fellow cult survivors, Richard Royce and David Demoss, may they continue to find healing and renewal in their journeys.
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