Reboot #90210

reboot

riːˈbuːt

verb

(with reference to a computer system) boot or be booted again. 

restart or revive (a process or sequence, especially a series of films or television programmes); give fresh impetus to. 

noun

an act of booting a computer system again. 

something, especially a series of films or television programmes, that has been restarted or revived. 

On August 7, 2019, a little television show called "Beverly  Hills, 90210" that originally aired from October 4, 1990 through May 17, 2000, aired an original take on the "reboot" of series overly popular in today's media.  BH90210 was a twist, as the original remaining cast members (Luke Perry died earlier that year) gathered together, to create a story that highlighted a heightened version of their own lives, still played out on the pages of the tabloid (some more than others) mingled with the beloved characters they had lived before us.  Loyal Beverly Hills, 90210 fans waited with baited breath for this new rendition, uncertain what to expect, only with a keen interest and excitement for the return.  Not only were we excited for this new update to our beloved childhood series, but we hoped for more afterwards.  BH90210 was not continued thus, at least not yet, however still a reboot or another series is highly wanted among loyal fans alike.  Yet, perhaps a reboot of such is occurring, just not in the way we imagined.

Yes, I know that there was another 'version' of 90210 that ran from 2008-2013, however, the OG cast of Beverly Hills, 90210 has spoken openly about how they don't really see that as a viable or canon within the world of all things 90210 (Sorry to the cast & fans of that show, but that's what has been said, I don't make the rules, the OG BH90210 cast does.)  The show BH90210 not only was an original concept for the reboot, but it was also equally produced by all of the original cast members.  A cast that at a very young age had their world turned upside down in a Beatles-Esque frenzy overwhelmingly taking the control and choice from their lives as their own and giving it to us, the clamoring fans, public at large, producers, directors of the show itself.  So, good for them, to take over the power of their story, their lives, their reboot, to act in it but also to have producer power as well.

In young adolescent and teenage years, among many a fan around the world, (yes, many who chased and mobbed them down in shopping malls and other public spaces), I admired, looked up to, wanted to be like, yes, idolized these actors and their characters, papering the walls of my room with images of them cut out meticulously from Teen Beat, Seventeen, and other similar magazines, staring lovingly while drinking in any news, interviews, on their personal lives.  God, did I love them and still do.  

In addition to the posters on my wall, I looked up to them for life advice, insights, and direction, and still find myself doing.  Not yet having the chance to attend a convention where they appear, I watch as the fans today act quite differently than their younger selves, a lot tamer and more respectful perhaps from the maturity of the mind or even the lack of energy of the physical, no longer does the cast have to worry about breathless, fainting fans mobbing the stage as they flee the stage hurriedly, sometimes in laundry carts (See: Luke & Jason!).  Yet, the interest for their lives personally as well as their characters is still heightened and desired, of which, I think is both a longing for a simpler time evoking the warm fuzzies but also as age ascends upon us, we continue to look up towards them for guidance.  As a young person, they seemed not only glamourous, but so grown up.  Now as a middle-aged woman (what?!?), time has leveled out the playing field and I realize that they are only a few years older my senior.  Yet, similar to the struggles of adolescence, I find myself a wash with questions during this transition of 'rowing north' and such as my younger self, I find myself looking for answers from them once more.

Since the release and then loss of BH90210, fans such as myself have continued to clamor for more in the series, or another reboot on theirs and our show, wanting to know 'where the characters are now'.  However, with their recent appearances at conventions as a full cast or only a few, where fans can ask questions directly about the beloved characters they portrayed and shower praises of gratitude upon them, of which I, not able to attend, watch on Youtube and Instagram, spellbound drinking in their laughter, their love for one another, for their fans, their insights, their stories, their thoughts.  Even during the research for this blog, I found myself getting distracted gazing at their photos lovingly, falling down a rabbit hole of Youtube interviews, a never ending longing for the security of youth and connectivity.  Yet, perhaps a reboot of such is occuring, just not in the way we imagined.  Now, I listen with marked interest as Shannen Doherty details with clarity and truth her past history during the show, her struggles with such, life with Stage 4 cancer on her podcast, "Let's Be Clear", Jennie Garth implores us to, like her, choose and love ourselves on her "I Choose Me" podcast, Tori Spelling spills all in her own voice and her truth, taking back the tabloids sought to slander, on her podcast, "Mis-Spelling", Brian Austin Green, with his fiancé, Sharna Burgess, and friend, Randy Spelling, share insights on ways to improve one's mental health on their podcast, "Oldish".  And as I do, it dawns on me, this is the REBOOT, not what we wanted, but exactly what we needed.

We all have pop culture loves we fan-girl over (regardless of gender), that which brightens our lives with warmth, hope, guidance of sort, a comfort, that which stands the test of time as we progress through life, never wavering in the gift we treasure.   It is vitally important for our wellness journey and soul's evolution that we not discredit such love as minor, less than, or unimportant merely because it is "pop culture", for the value it gave knows no difference inwardly than any other facet of our identity.

My Favorite Song - Songwriterz

 

Punky Power & Me

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAiYcyyhAw

On this start of April, the day of foolishness and games, I am mindful to reminisce, backwards in time to college and then further back to my carefree days of childhood.  Starting with childhood, one of my earliest loves of eighties TV shows was that of Punky Brewster and until very recently I did not know just how much that show and its titular character, Punky, had such an influence on me through and through.  One April Fools Day in my college experience, my best friends and I crashed a free box and adorned ourselves with all matter of crazy assortment of outfit, then happily skipped down the street for pizza, laughingly nicknaming ourselves the "April Fools".  

The storyline of Punky Brewster was of a very young girl, abandoned by her mother, forced to survive on her own until rescued and adopted by the loveable old miser yet doting, Henry.  In Tuesday's entry, Pop Culture & Les Miserables, I compared Punky to the character of Cosette in that Punky's original sense of self, boldness to be her and pursue her best life was emboldened by the stability from the great love of those who cared for and helped raise her.  Thus, the foundation of love was such that made her character strong enough to be truly herself, without fear of judgment or reprisal, wherein she was able to truly embody to the fullest her "Punky Power".  

For women of my age, Punky Brewster was an icon, yet even more than that.  During the month of March 2021, Punky Brewster was rebooted with Soliel Moon Frye reprising her iconic role as well as with other familiar faces.  

Along with the reboot, Soliel Moon Frye released a documentary, Kid90, which featured all the footage she shot while growing up an adolescent, teenager, and twenty something in the nineties, with images of more recent times in the final scenes as Soliel brought about the conclusion.

Having not had a chance to watch the reboot of Punky Brewster yet, I did watch Kid90 twice.  As I watched this, taking in all who Soliel had been after she wrapped Punky Brewster as a child, hearing her story of the awkwardness of growing into adulthood and trying to assert herself as Soliel and not Punky, a sense of calm and peace washed over me.  

Here was the woman I had followed as a young child, the woman who had seemingly disappeared from the media focus for some time, and here she was back again as if she never left.  

No one could play Punky but Soliel for she is Punky, but even more so, because of how she portrayed Punky, there is a Punky Brewster in all fans of the beloved show.  Punky Brewster showed us it was okay for us to be us, she showed us we were worthy of love, indeed it was not selfish to love oneself and ask for it from others.  Rather, that the stable foundation of unconditional love is the true facet in being fully oneself and embracing one's own personal Punky Power.

All of my life, I've had an original sense of style, humor, interests, and creative pursuits.  Until the return of Soliel, I did not realize how much my girlhood fandom had gone inward, never left, and truly influenced me.  The college age me was no doubt expressing the Punky Brewster influence as she dumpster dived through the free box of clothing.  Furthermore, no matter all the hardships I have experienced throughout my life, the mad mad Bipolar years, battling PTSD from damaging relations a plenty, the crazy years of being manipulated in a mainstream cult, and so much more, I have survived because of two little words taught to me in my tender years: Punky Power!  I had it then, throughout all the struggles, trials, and even the joys, and I still have it now.

As I watched Kid90, as Soliel laid bare all of her goings on throughout the years, as if showing her fans what she had been dealing with, how she had occupied her life since, a smile of gratitude traveled across my face.

After all we have been through in recent years, my friends, rest assured that 2021 is gonna be more than all right for, 

Punky Brewster is back.

Every 80's kid gotta have it!

What I learned from #BH90210, then & now

"Maybe going back is just what we need to move forward."--Tori Spelling

I look at the above photo and I am instantly transported back in my mind to a simpler time, when I could look out at the world and dream of how I wanted my life to be, before it had really begun.  I was a young, impressionable, very naive teenager living in the backwoods of the Northern California wine country.  Despite my parents' efforts to expose me to the wider world through travel, trips to the city to visit museums and see professional theater, I still had a very inexperienced view of the world about me.  A lot of it came from my taking in the current television shows and pop culture available to me at the time.  Back then, we didn't have cable or a wide access to as many stations as there are today, we only had about 5 channels to view, unless you count the grainy barely able to come in channel 11, which sometimes played the same shows as channel 7 congruently, then we had six channels.  But I digress...

Also, the Internet had yet to truly take off, so as I said above our scant access to TV, magazines, radio, the daily paper were our guide to navigate how to live in the culture of the day. 

All this to say, that we all have the tendency to look back with fondness at our past experiences.  After the hardships and wounds from the bitter slings of arrow have healed to become forgotten, we only have in our mind the happier times, the old jokes come back and make us laugh until tears spring to our eyes.  We want to reach out, re-connect with the old faces that peopled those times.

This year I have had the fortunate experience of revisiting with different facets of my past selves and for a variety of reasons been able to heal myself at those different ages, learn from them, release their wound, and travel forward with a new lightness of being.  Through different circumstances that I was brought into this year, I have visited with my 27 year old self, my 23 year old self, and my 15 year old self.  At each level, they have expressed a degree of hardship as I truly relive those painful times of doubt, insecurity, nonacceptance of who I am by being surrounded by those that do not allow me to truly be myself. 

However, the most heartbreaking was sitting with my 15 year old self after the passing of Luke Perry last March.  Luke Perry, for those who are unaware, played Dylan McKay on the nineties smash hit TV show, Beverly Hills, 90210.  Like many a fan girl of the era, I loved, adored, and crushed on him, plastering my walls with his face, vacillating between making him my object of worship or turning my attention to that of Jason Priestly.  (Ultimately, the pendulum always swung back to Luke, as I am and always have been a sucker for the bad boy.)

His loss was a major blow that felt as if a piece of my childhood had died, gone forever.  A bit of that naive outlook at life forever vanquished due to the reality of life's fragility and ultimate end.  Even though we know death is inevitable, when faced with the reality of it through the loss of someone dear, however the level of attachment, it still stings like a bitch!

So, I sat with my 15 year old self, watching the tears stream down her face, her body wracked with sobs.  She was not as easy to resolve as the 23 year old self who merely wanted to hang out with a boy she used to date of which the church had forbade or the 27 year old self who was comfortable to sit in the cafe by herself, healing the wounds of neglect from that time period.  My 15 year old was still very much a child, with no real understanding of the duties of life, unlike the twenty something selves who had experiences being a grown up. 

I've written in a previous blog from last March about my experience bringing healing to my 15 year old self, so I won't go any further with that story line.  What I do want to focus on is the desire we all have to look back with fondness and the lessons we can glean from doing just that. 

When expressing my excitement about the reboot of #BH90210 over the last few months, I have experienced some judgment from others based on the cast 'going back' and even my own fascination with the past.  But, if we were all to be truly honest with ourselves, we all look back with rose-colored glasses and all experience the same judgment from others.  This judgment is not necessarily a bad thing as a true friend can remind us of the negativity of that time period that our happy hindsight blinds us to forget. 

So, its as Tori Spelling said in the first episode of the reboot, "Maybe going back is just what we need to move forward."  In going back, we can examine every aspect of our past and find the healing to begin again. 

Its in that that I express the reasoning behind my excitement of #BH90210.  For many years, I expressed shame over my teenage obsession with Beverly Hills, 90210, to my own detriment.  I was not honoring my 15 year old self, not honoring all of who I was and ultimately who I am.  By doing so now, by proudly displaying a revised section of my closet with magazine cutouts of the cast, I am allowing a part of me, once hidden, to come forth.  And, this is not only reserved for the part of me that fixated on '90210, but all of me, warts and all, as they say. 

I accept all of it, with pride.  I accept the hard years of depression, outbursts of anger, and the happy years of celebration.  Its all made me who I am today and continually shapes how I define my path towards my destiny.  By looking back, I find the ability to not only heal, let go, but have complete pride in myself.

To quote Kelly Taylor from the original series of 90210, when faced with the choice of either Dylan or Brandon (as reflection of many a fan girl including me), she smiled with strength upon them and said,

I choose me!

Like Kelly Taylor, I do the same.  I choose me.  All of me, of all time, forever.  I choose me.

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