Recently, I have been feeling as if the year slowly fading away was not as fruitful as I had wanted it to be, but upon careful reflection I realized my focus was too much on financial prosperity and not on what is most important, namely all the spiritual, emotional, and creative growth that transpired. In all truth, I have developed in ways I could not imagine, as a person and as an artist, spiritually developed a broader mind and a more open heart full of compassion for all people and have been able to offer forgiveness to my past self and those who have wronged me--and that sense of self doubt I felt was focusing upon too much my need for financial wealth (not that financial stability and independence are in themselves wrong) but that which is more important is my own self worth as a woman and an artist.
Truly, I think the most profound gift I have gained from 2014 is 'freedom', in so many facets, such as the freedom to explore myself, to make choices based on my likes and dislikes, my ever-growing spirituality, my creativity in all its forms, and finally the opportunity and the space to heal from past hurts and abuse. It is that that has been the best of 2014, for me, and has made the most resounding impact. That alone, then, is the most important goal going forward for 2015.
Of course, there are the other goals, or rather resolutions, that we all make as the year comes to the close with another around the bend, one of which for me is, in fact, financial independence, stability, and prosperity. Most notably to finally at last be 'debt-free by 2016 and to finally at last be off disability with my own career and self-generated income (without having to ever work again the dreaded 9-5, the very thought of which leads me screaming hysterically into the night, a horror film in my own mind).
Then there is the basic lists of resolutions, the ones that we all want and not just that in the New Year.
First, I want to read more, say a book a week, well maybe. With an eye focused more on the classics, you know, finish the Lord of the Rings series, finally slog my way through Paradise Lost (I wrote a script where the main character reads that in hopes of a return to her own Paradise Lost), to read the Hugo's Les Miserables in its entirety to truly find out if that story is not just merely about a guy who chased another guy for 40 some years because he stole a loaf of bread (obsess much?), and of course to become a full-fledged Shakespeare Snob (like my friend, Raven, who I mention with all due respect) by reading through all of his works.
Secondly, I want to sing more and not just privately, but I want to be known as a performer in this way. I want people to seek me out at parties begging me on bended knee to please, please sing for them. Well, maybe not that far, but the point is, I want to sing more.
Thirdly, I want to dance more for art and for fitness because simply put its fun. Well, also I really want people to seek me out at parties begging me to....okay, I won't start that again.
Next, I want to do the play, The Glass Menagerie, somewhere somehow. If I could choose just one play to do this year, well, that would be the one. (Hear that, Richard?)
Next, of course, more films, more modeling gigs. You know, honestly I want to do something where someone really big and famous says "Hey, whose that girl?" A girl can dream, can't she?
Then, I want to travel more for work and play, as much as possible.
Lastly, I want to be able to shower my loved ones, family, friends, Michael with an abundance of love and affection. More importantly, I want the freedom and the privilege to do this for myself without judgment from self or others. In this, I hope to continue to grow and deepen an appreciation for myself, thankful for who I was and where I came from but moving forward always not looking back.
This year, I will find myself more and more as I truly am, come what may, highs and lows (as what has come) and I will continue to thrive as, The Rose.
The Rose
Have a great 2015! Happy New Year!
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