Reverse "Love the Sinner, Hate The Sin" (Trigger Warning)

 

Take Me To Church

Take me to church

I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies

I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife

As one who professes to be an ex-fundie, I strive to express that those fundamentalist Christians seen loudly proclaiming their message on the street corner, on your social media feed, or IRL, are not innately bad at their core.  I wish to do this not to excuse their bad behavior and actions, nor nullify how their verbage wounds those they shriek at, but to try to showcase the nuance within us all hoping that that may bridge the aching gap of hatred.

The core message of Jesus's message is one of grace, forgiveness, and, overall, love.  The Golden Rule, he professes, "Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You" is shared by all world  religions (Golden Rule). 

Why then, does it appear as if the Fundamentalist Christians seemingly do not abide by this fundamental tenet of their faith?  The answer lies within the transformations of their psyches caused by the messages from the pulpit.  First, they are taught that the Holy Bible is literal and not to be disputed.  (Side note: conservative churches all have a different view of what 'literal' means when it comes to the Bible, which begs the very question of that validity.  Discussion to be had at another time.) 

In this literal sense, every word of the Bible is to be taken as truth and infallible.  So, yes, it is taught that the scriptures in both the Old and New Testament translations referencing 'homosexuality as sin' are correct.  The war over one's soul who professes to be gay must be diligently fought through prayer and scripture.  Therefore, the commonly spoken expression "love the sinner, hate the sin" becomes the popular nomenclature for this battle for salvation.  For ultimately, the core desire of the fundamentalist Christian is to be like Jesus, striving always to love like him, even though His core message has been diluted by the preaching of which they regularly ingest.

For you see, there is something even more insidious happening within the walls of the church that causes such emotional violence on the street.  These conservative Christians are taught that the world outside the confines of the safety of the church's walls and Christ's abiding love is evil, that none seek for "righteous, no not one" (Romans 3:10) and that Satan roams the earth seeking whom he may devour from being saved for heaven.  Some churches, even, as the parishners exit the building have a sign above the door that reads, "You are now entering the battle field".  If that message is not there specifically, the message is still professed regularly.   In Ephesisans 6:10-18, they are taught to 'put on the full armor of God' so that they may be able to stand against the evil intentions of the Devil.  

Furthermore, the deprecation of the Christian continues as regularly they are taught that 'the world hates Jesus, the world hates Jesus in you', resulting with the inner conclusion, that the 'world hates them'.  They are encouraged not to seek self-esteem, but rather God esteem, and to always put themselves last.  True Joy, they are taught, comes when you embody the acronym, "J-esus, O-thers, Y-ourself", meaning first serve Jesus, then others, and after that is all done, yourself.  Ultimately, with all the insisted duties from the church, such as bible studies, serving in the church, etc, little time is left for themselves.

Next, increasingly the restriction of outside information and news occurs, with pastors, church leaders, and teachers strongly influencing their flock to read only the Bible, or church approved texts, and injest only Christian media and news approved by the leadership.  Any kind of education, especially secular, is downplayed at best and at worst highly discouraged.  

All of this together, out comes this Fundamentalist, with their encouraged ignorance, lacking self esteem, full of self hatred, believing they must fight continually against a world that hates them, what now can be expected of their social interactions with others?  It's crucial to understand that they expect an argument, even delight in the potential of being persecuted, even though what they are experiencing is far from such.  Therefore, trying to engage will only lead to louder arguments on both sides,with none being transformed or saved, either the fundie trying to give salvation or the non-fundie trying to save the one from being saved.  

What needs to happen is found in the title, "reverse love the sinner, hate the sin".    The sin here refers to the homophobia, the bigotry, the racism, the ignorance, the hatred.  Please first, do whatever regular self-care one needs to do to protect and heal from these emotional bullets, so that you too, non-fundie can put on your own armour.  Once done, when a fundie Christian is met, realize the above is true for them, that you are face to face with someone who believes themselve hated by you, by all, hates themselves, lacks self esteem, and is mind-controlled into ignorance. If then that can be realized, perhaps it will be just a little bit easier to love, sympathize, have compassion for that sinner and so doing, disarmor, helping them along to release, healing, and freedom. 

Breakaway

Trying hard to reach out

But when I tried to speak out

Felt like no one could hear me

Wanted to belong here

But something felt so wrong here

So I prayed (I would pray)

I could break away

 

The Christian Right Needs To Die!!

Wow!  Brave soul for clicking that link! I know, I know, it's quite the click bait anger making title.  But, first let me explain, I want no soul to perish in anyway.  I believe wholeheartedly that we all are brought to this plane of existence for the certain purpose of learning the lessons needed to elevate our souls to the next level in our evolution, make that mean to you what you desire.  In more non-spiritual terms, we are all on a journey towards healing and becoming better at being human, all at different levels or circumstances but basically where we need to be according to what's right for us as individuals.  

Furthermore, my purpose in this entry is not to solely call out and destroy the Christian Right. Fundamentalism, a strict adherence to the basic principles of any subject or discipline, is a disease not just for the religious, Christian or otherwise, but can infect a liberal mind as well.  Let that sink in, my liberal minded friends and family.

Most of you know by now, that at one point I considered myself part of the Christian Right, as it were, a believer of Jesus more specifically.  After the toil of my deconstruction, I hold no ill-will or anger towards my former friends still connected to that life-style.  Because of this, I have a particular understanding and compassion that I hope can not only shed some light on those on the outside, those of the more liberal persuasion, but also help awaken the right minded fundies to the ways they have gone astray.  

That's right.  I believe that a large part of the Christian right, perhaps those that would be indeed described as true "fundamentalists", the ones that appear the most vocally obstinate against progressive movements and current affairs, who seemingly take up arms against anything that doesn't fall into what they deem as 'right' and 'good', have fallen astray from the very teachings of Jesus Christ.  I do not say this with a light heart, indeed my heart is broken.  I have fond memories with people that fall into this realm, of which I once held dear and called more than friends, but family, of a sort.  In truth, I do still hold very close to my heart, which is the impetus for this blog. I also know that a good portion of those I used to walk with, who still believe in a more Evangelical Christianity, not so much fundamentalist, are more decent in their approach to sharing the gospel and in that way are more aligned with the teachings of Jesus.  

The former are those that complain wildly on social media and in the real world about the liberal agenda, who seemingly take everything as a personal affront on their beliefs, and who seem to not be able at all to see a larger worldview other than their own.  The latter are those who are active on social media and in the real world by simply choosing to love, bless, and serve.  I think this is an apparent distinction we can all agree upon.  In addition, I have heard of conservative churches that are doing their best to educate, be more open, and willing to adapt and listen to other world-views and ideas.  

But, it's the so-called fundamentalist viewpoint I wish to address, this way of being that needs to go by the wayside, perishing in a sea of its own ignorance once and for all.  As I said, it's not merely a disease for the Christian Fundamentalist alone, but I believe one that has infected the more liberal atheistic as well, for example. 

For the purpose of this entry, let's focus on the Christian Fundamentalist.  For those reading this that are not of this ilk and have never been part of that world view, let me start by explaining a little of the teaching that I believe has damaged the minds and hearts of these Christian souls.  If you are a beloved friend of mine that is still within the Christian right world view or are someone that I do not know but is a 'believer', as you read the below sentences, let your heart be softened so that you may have ears to hear.  In so doing, it is with the tenderness of my fullest compassion that you can grow closer to understanding the true Jesus Christ.

So, when I was attending Calvary Chapel, the common thread in most of the bible studies and services were that 'the world hates Jesus, the world hates Jesus in you'.  After hearing so much, can you imagine the end result of such, to be blunt, brainwashing? That's right, you begin to believe the world hates you.  You believe wholeheartedly that the world outside your church is evil, wicked, and that everyone that comes into your life is basically fueled by the enemy, or rather, an enemy themselves.  Does this help see why a Christian may seem so combative when addressed?  They don't feel they are being combative, they feel you are being combative.  

Furthermore, in my church days, we were encouraged not to consume anything, (ex: news, media, books, higher education), that was 'of the world', and were encouraged to consume only that which was approved by the church leadership.  This lack of being able to educate yourself made you vulnerable to the belief and control of another.  I do not mean to target or place blame on the church's leadership in anyway.  I know quite a few pastors who are good at heart and wish the best for the flock they believe they are called to serve and help guide to the teachings of Jesus.  I am merely trying to state my experience with hopes to enlighten those who have never been within a Christian fundamentalist setting as well as give a little insight to those within at present.  

So, can you imagine what my life was like when I left Calvary Chapel ten years ago? I cannot begin to explain the sense of shattered isolation and confusion I felt, the heart break, the betrayal, the sense of loss of identity, the anger of the loss of my youth, the lies I readily consumed that fell flat.  Yes, I was angry and scared, for myself, and for my friends who I believed were trapped inside what I, at the time, called a cult.  I still hold that fundamentalism in all its variety is cult-like.  Through the years of my healing after I left the church, I slowly discovered that these notions I were taught, were false.

With that, I address my Christian reader, those I know personally and those I do not.  First and foremost, dear one, the world does not hate Jesus, in fact, they think he is a pretty bang up guy, regardless of whether they see him as God, a prophet, or just a guy.  "I got no beef with Jesus," one friend said to me.  And another, "Jesus is the shit."  Please suspend your need to control the wording and belief of who Jesus is in your worldview and let that sink in.  The people 'of the world' are not out to get you and, most importantly, do not hate you!  

So, dear one, its up to you to how you take in this information and what you choose to do with it.  But, before I let you off so easily, I need you to understand one more thing.  I also believe, that according to what I learned from my bible studies back when I attended Calvary Chapels, that you have fallen astray from those teachings.  Not all of you, but a good portion, and I base this on your words and actions on social media and in real life based on the current affairs in our country, whether that be pandemic related or such issues pertaining to civil rights.  

First, the Bible teaches us to follow the law of the land, as well as the law of the Lord.  Jesus says to 'render to Caeser what is his, and to God what is his', which, yes, can be taken to be connected to taxes but I also see the value in focusing this on all aspects of national government concern.  I hear you spout off how we are called to obey the president as he was put their by God, but from what I can tell, this is only acceptable when he falls into the political category you approve of, that of, Republican.  This appears one-sided and not fully accurate to what you profess, as well as, it appears as if you are not fully surrendering yourself to God and His will.  The law of the land, in all its various forms of our government, has decreed, for your safety, to wear a mask for the protection of yourself and others, for example, but you refuse, why? 

Next, Jesus and the teachings in the Bible states to 'lay down your lives as he, Jesus, laid down his life for us', but sadly I do not see this.  It is "not about me", my friends and I would profess as young Christians.  "It's all about Jesus," we'd proclaim in worship songs and in our speech.  But, I do not see that line of thinking in your social media posts or every day life.  More and more, I see a selfish, combative person who wants to force their way, wants to play the victim while victimizing.  That, my dear friend, is in direct opposition of the teachings of Jesus Christ, whatever, the interpretations of him may be.  Can you see now why so many seem to reject to the church? Hint: it has nothing to do with Jesus!

All is not lost for you, dear Christian reader, nor for my friends on the liberal left that of themselves fall into the realm of fundamentalist thinking.  We are all on the path, as mentioned above, to healing and inner awakening.  Let us all start by looking inward, letting the light of awareness pierce our souls and hearts, bringing us to the humility that comes from truly knowing ourselves, warts and all.  With that humble honesty, we can come together, listening rather than reacting, holding space regardless of political stance and seeking the highest good for all.

Can you do that, dear Christian? Can you truly lay down your own self and release your preconceived notions for the highest good of another? Can you do that, dear liberal? Can you truly lay down your own self and release your preconceived notions good of another? No change will come if you cannot.  I speak for myself as well as for others, mind you, and its a daily, minutely, journey, one taken with humility and utmost self awareness.  

Join me in this journey, dear friends, the journey within for healing so that the world without may also be healed. 

Imagine

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace

Got comments on what I wrote? I bet you do.  Whether you agree or disagree, feel free to post below.  I welcome your thoughts and opinions.  I just ask for all to be civil and thoughtful in their wordings.  I will do my best to respond.  Thank you.

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Not Mere Words, Intention

Back in my fundie days, there was a popular turn of phrase passed around, Christianese.  It was a word describing the fundamentalist way of speaking about their faith.  Christianese, the pastor would explain, will confuse a non-believer and make it hard for them to be converted. 

This explanation I have come to realize is an underhanded realization and expression by the pastor in saying, "We sound cray-cray to the heathens, we gots to change that."

However, as I progressed further through my fundie journey, it wasn't just the non-believers shunned by the chosen language of the so-called followers of the faith.  More and more, the way certain denomination spoke reflected that particular sect and separated from another church.   They would even go so far as to severely judge another's walk if the right words weren't said.

Why am I bringing this up now?

Because increasingly in this modern age of radical honesty and political correctness, I find those more with the liberal bent bringing to mind my former fundie friends in that its the words, not the intention that are the focus. That said, like Christianese, the politically correct liberal have taken on the same philosophy. 

Are you using the correct pronouns that one has chosen for themselves? Are you aligning yourself in any way with one who is known to be racially unjust?  Are you body and slut-shaming the victim of rape while siding with the abuser?  And, on and on it goes until a person who goofed on a certain phrase or wording is, as the kids say, cancelled.

Right.  Okay.  I am one for self-discovery and honoring one's journey in search of that.  I am one that wants to honor one's truth and I do my best to use the correct pronouns and align with their life decisions in a way that is honoring to both them, myself, and the rest of society.

But, wait, did I not use the correct wordings in my last paragraph?

What if I did? What if I didn't?

You know what? Its okay.  Why? Because I ask you sincerely and with utmost honesty, look at my heart, not the mere outward appearance.  Focus on my intention, not the mere words.  It's becoming easier and easier in the age of social media to react quickly rather than stop, listen, discuss, and try to really understand.  The result, the gap widens and we are split from true interaction that would uplift our soul's growth.

So, let's steer clear of becoming liberal fundamentalist and not get encumbered with the wordings, allowing ourselves to become swallowed up by the need to react, lest we become that which we hate, angry with our own prejudices, and even worse, isolated. 

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Golgotha Temple

Sitting in a strip mall restaurant, looking over the sunlit concrete ocean of parking lot, the cars filled with people busying themselves in their evening activities, post-work, what's next for them, home, bars, soccer practise, I shudder to think, bible study...The exterior of this moment with its plasticity and cemented exterior brings to mind a former life...I find my mind filling with old memories of myself, in a different time, a part of me that I wish not always to remember, a time when I wore loose turtlenecks to hide every ounce of my horrible flesh, a time when my insides felt rotten and I hated the sight of me, a time when from the pulpit the Pastor preached about my degradation and waited while I bowed my head in submission, a time when I sacrificed myself, my own desires, interests, passions, and creativity, for the good of the whole, but in doing so, lost all sense of purpose in life...a time when a forced smile masked the depression and pain inside, a false constraint so much like the turtlenecks I wore...a time when looking pretty on the outside was more acceptable than self worth and evaluation on the inside, when all that mattered was that you conformed to their interpretations of the Bible(or face the ostracizing effects) in so doing, peace and joy was promised but never obtained...

As I recall this time of my life, I'm filled with anguish not so much for myself but for those still trapped inside. It is for them, then, that I begin this story. However fiction it may be, beacons of truth will shine through, reveal the darkness pretending to be light, and bring freedom to those enslaved to the deception.

Because Of You

My "Fundie" Addiction

Full Definition of ADDICTION

1

:  the quality or state of being addicted <addiction to reading>

2

:  compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly :  persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful

I find myself at times what is or would be my addiction.  Relationships? Possibly.  Then, it hit me.  At one point, an addiction for me was my faith, or rather, being a part of the conservative fundamentalist church I attended for a good portion of my younger days.  

Why do I consider this to be an addiction as such? Well, Christianity in its conservative right-minded form appealed to me because of its emphasis on love and inclusion, feeling to be part of a group and thus running from the feeling of unpopularity that had been built in me since middle school.  In so many ways, I desired that sense of family feeling in that community, something I had never truly experienced anywhere else, a sense of belonging and being a part of something outside myself, rather a sense of being known completely by another person or multiples of that.

In the end, I used this religious belief and connection as a drug, in a sense, a way for me to numb out the painful issues that had brought me into the church in the first place.  

As time went on, the drug became more all encompassing.  I couldn't live without it but the more I took it, swallowed the teachings without thinking (or trying not to), I found myself more discontented and alone.  In short, I needed more to drown out the pain inside myself.  

http://www.elementsbehavioralhealth.com/behavioral-process-addictions/can-religion-be-an-addiction/

In the end, I couldn't.

For the more I got involved with the church, the more I began to see the dark side, the negative effects of it in my life.  The more I got involved, thus, I couldn't deny this fact for the more I tried to conform, the less I could.  As those that professed grace and acceptance, the more the opposite was true.

I ran...not knowing why or how.  Just a gut instinct made me run, seeking grace, forgiveness, love from other sources, other churches, friends, even lovers.  Just more stuff to numb the pain until I couldn't run anymore and I faced myself, my ultimate truth, where we all must find ourselves.

Leaving that abusive church behind, I found myself going through what I can only describe as negative withdrawals.  I had left the only community I had really known, what had been my world, what I saw as truth, for 5 years, give or take, of my life.  Although there had been judgment, there had also been love and friendship.  I no longer had those.  I had to look around far and wide to see who was still standing by my side, finding none from those I had "fellowshipped" with.  Not only that, but I began to see that was taught me as "gospel truth" was actually a point of view of those doing the indoctrinating.  What a shock!

Breaking away meant not only leaving the church but forgiving myself and those involved from any wrong-doing and releasing them to their fate, to their own life paths.  In that forgiveness, I found healing and freedom, a new found community of other "refugees", I found love once again for those still part of the church, for those in my life past and present, and mostly for myself, at last.  I no longer tried to hide from myself by numbing myself out, in short, I was no longer afraid of seeing myself.

Life become enjoyable at last, truly living and not hiding.  This I pray and hope for all my friends, involved with fundamentalism and outside that world.  We all deserve to be free, to be fully alive, and fully in love with ourselves. 

We all need to "break away."

BreakAway

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People Are Gay, Get Over It!

Okay, so I'm throwing my two cents over this whole 'businesses not catering to homosexual couples based on their religious beliefs' thing.

Because that's just what it is, in my view, a belief based on a conservatively minded, legalistic religion.  Exactly what Jesus spoke against when he pointed his fingers at the Pharisees, remember?

What did he call his followers to do instead?

To love, To practice nonjudgment, To serve.

So, how is banning certain lifestyles from our establishment following this creed? Furthermore, how is it lining itself with the society in which we live in, which aligns itself with the government, thevery government taxes are paid to by ourselves and our businesses, as Jesus commanded, "Render to Caesar what is due", so therefore choosing to disallow individuals from our businesses based on life-style choices goes against several of Jesus' commandments and, in fact, has a foundation more on our own righteousness than that of actual service or obedience.

He desired for us to follow his example, to love, to serve; how does one's reasoning that to deny service is, in fact, "hating the sin, loving the sinner" and not a cover-up for judgmental behavior?

Where do we draw the line? When are we going to stop casting stones and examine our own behaviors, sins, shortcomings, or what have you? When can we stop trying to change, convert, save, or rather pluck the stick from the others' eyes and pull the log out of our own? 

Conservative, evangelical Christianity has gotten too much about sin-sniffing and judgmental behavior than about following the path Christ laid out for us, that of grace and service, about making a difference by the expression of our lives.  This is one of the main reasons I stepped away from that belief system, besides the fact that it didn't really connect with all of that I believed.  

Furthermore, it appears as if Fundamentals are increasingly hibernating in their own little safe world of bible studies, church services, and other related Christian events, afraid to venture out into the big, bad, scary, scary world because anything can happen out there where I might end up in trouble.

Wait, there's the problem.  The emphasis is on "Me" or "I", how can I protect or service myself? Not others, not the world that Jesus and other great Spiritual teachers came to love and serve, who taught us to serve.  

Choosing to refuse service based on lifestyle is a form of judgment and in a sense taking the position of God and saying "I know what's right", when in fact, we don't.  We never do.  Freedom of speech and religion is one thing and I believe all our guaranteed, including you the business owner refusing to give service, but at others' cost of their freedoms?  Based on Jesus' words, we  have a moral obligations not only to follow his leading but to align ourselves with the laws of the land in which we live.  If you want to go against this based on your beliefs, go live in a Muslim country where you are free to discriminate based on lifestyle, orientation, even gender? Of course, you as a Christian would probably be discriminated against as well.  'What, me?' you say.  Yeah, truly, unless you changed your religious views.

It is because of this that I choose to look passed the outward appearance, lifestyle choices of those that come into my life, regardless of religious belief or sexual orientation, and seek to see what's going on the inside.  I know and can admit that I am far from perfect and in truth find myself casting the stones of judgment from time to time, like it or not.  But, I'm accountable enough with myself to admit it and try to change it.  How do I do this? By choosing to apply love and grace in every situation good or bad, by seeking to know why a person behaves the way they do, makes the choices they do, in short, looking passed my snap judgments and striving for understanding and relationships.

 I believe Jesus, as well as other spiritual leaders, wanted that from all of us.  So, don't get hung up on lifestyle choices or orientation! Get over it and love, serve, transform!

Medical Bills for Katy!

Jackie's SRS

Give a Pizz'a your heart!