Be Positive?

 

No sugar coating it, the world is one messed up place right now.  Climate change, droughts and the west coast now has five seasons (Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer, Fire), a global pandemic continuing to spread, divisions world-wide on that as well as other political and social issues like never before (or at least as visibly seen), sister against sister, brother against brother, friends turned into enemies, our country on the brink of starting world war three with Russia....maybe....

So, can one truly 'be positive'?  How am I truly positive in the wake of all this? Am I blind or ignorant? Not in the least, but I choose to not allow myself to dwell in a state of helplessness and hopelessness.  I choose to do what I can each day to better myself and what is before me.  That is all I can do.  

This scene from Night Court has been my personal motto: Dan comforts Harry  Specifically, Dan's line: "We can only do what the law allows us to do, that's it" inspires me, motivates me, gets me every time.  And, yes, Night Court is my Numero Uno fandom from my wee childhood days playing pretend Night Court in my basement, so, yes, life lessons galore pour over me with that show, but I think the lesson can apply to all of us.  

"We can only do what the law allows us to do, that's it," says Dan. And, I take it to mean, there is only one of each of us and before us only what we CAN do, nothing more, that's it.  Focus on today, take care of you, of what's around you, seek the beauty in what's in front, seek to discover love within, and let that drive you to love without.  I say with Dan Fielding, 'That's it, it's that simple. Truly it is.'

For myself, I rise each morning to morning yoga and mindfulness meditation, I seek healthy and nourishing food, I exercise daily, I read and take in healthy content, I seek to truly see those around me that I love and who love me back, whose influence is receiving and freely giving without conditions.  From that, the ability to make a change extends outward naturally, weekly I drive down to my local recycling center to unload as much as I can to reduce waste and my footprint upon Mother Earth, I place old food and bird seed out for the animals as well as dishes of water when needed, I cultivate a garden and plant trees, (no longer do I purchase a cut Christmas tree but now do only living each year), I make birthday and holiday cards for all my family and beloved friends, I create film and media projects that uplift and inspire those I love as well as myself, and currently I am running a fundraiser for my dear friend, Michael: Help Michael & MeMe Thrive

It truly is that simple.  Focus on yourself first and then freely the answers to make a difference for the better will come.  Breathe in, breathe out.  Just be and the light of living in the positive, despite the circumstances of hardship whatever they be, will arrive.

The Rainbow Connection

Why are there so many

Songs about rainbows

And what's on the other side

Rainbow's are visions

But only illusions

And rainbows have nothing to hide

So we've been told and some Choose to believe it

But I know they're wrong wait and see

Someday we'll find it

The Rainbow Connection

The lovers, the dreamers and me

Every little thing is gonna be all right: Night Court Of Life Lessons Chapter 15

 

It's Gonna Be Okay

The message of today is to meditate on the special unique power of friendship, real, lasting, pure, and unconditional.  The type of friend that will love you with honesty and authenticity, enjoying the times of mirth and good fortunate, weeping over the hard times, and will bluntly tell you when you've gone off the rails into the danger zone.  The characters' and their arcs throughout the run of Night Court OG reflected that.   From the dawn of the first episode through the final episode, they grew through the years as they got to know each other and experienced the peaks and the pitfalls of life.  They were honest enough to help steer someone back on course if they had gone astray or were acting in anyway out of normalcy or with disregard.  In the times when one fell into despair, they were also there to help rebuild and bring them back.  This often expressed itself in many a form based not just on the storyline but also the character themselves.

As I scan through Night Court's IMDB page, I am awash with many examples showing how the characters' demonstrated true friendship and were there for one another when needed.  However, in the instance of time (and yes I can go all day chatting on NC because it's the best ever), I will only showcase a couple.  First, in season two, episode nineteen, "Married Alive", (a personal favorite), Dan meets, falls in love with, and gets engaged to an 'ugly duckling' rich heiriss.  While his friends' doubt his authenticity when it comes to the upcoming nuptials thinking its merely for financial gain, Dan actually has fallen for this woman because he finds in her someone who he can let down his guard and be real with, proving that there is more nuance to Dan than he allows to be seen.  (That's why I love him so much!)  

Dan Fielding: [snaps his fingers] Poof! I mean just like your magic, Harry. She makes my problems disappear, my anxieties subside. I mean God's in his heaven, all is right with the world, there's nowhere to go but up, look for the silver lining, don't give up the ship! And I'll be damned if that's not what each and every one of us is looking for, and I just happened to find mine, so the best of luck to the rest of you. You know that crazy stuff that we all carry around inside of us? That stuff that eats little holes in your brain and churns at your insides? That stuff that you know you cannot possibly tell another living human being? I can tell her. And she listens, and she understands. She says "It's all right. [long pause]It's all right." And it IS.

In the end, it is his fiance' who backs out of the marriage due to her terror when her father threatens to cut her off, leaving Dan heartbroken.   Outwardly, Dan puts on a brave face, but finding himself alone with the pain, he turns to the one friend present, Harry, calling out to him with, "Harry!" who comforts him in return with "It'll be all right, Dan", leaving together with their arms around each others'  shoulders.

The favor is returned to Harry by Dan in season three, episodes nine and ten, "Wheels Of Justice", Harry becomes downtrodden when he sees himself as a failure to a destitute mother and her son and decides to walk away from his bench.  Defiantly, he decides to live his life as a hustler playing pool in a bar and it's only Dan brave enough to stand up against him and with full authenticity he shames and loves his friend back to where he belongs. 

You Twerp

The point of all of this is to show how more often than not it's our friends that we need more than anyone else in times of despair.  Our friends to come around us and build us up with that simple "It'll be all right".  

About a week ago, I lost a good friend from high school from Covid19.  Growing up, I went to a very small and rural school district wherein most of my class knew each other from preschool onwards through high school.  So, the loss of my friend is akin to losing a beloved family member because my classmates and I are a family, even if time and distance has come between.  That weekend I found myself in a place of feeling stymied, unable to really focus, feeling numb and in shock with the absence of her presence in my life.  Sunday morning I went out to my garden to do some winter cleaning and picking of the last fruits of my labor.  The sky was blue and the sun was bright, not too cold yet not too warm.  I stood up from my chores and felt the warmth of the sunlight beaming down upon me and was overcome with this feeling of warmth.  I felt my friend's spirit hug me from within and felt her expressing comfort as she would with: 

"It's gonna be okay, I love you, and thank you."

I will not say that I am completely over my grief, but that moment of comfort where I felt her with me has strengthened my resolve and ability to move forward.  A friend may not pass onward to whatever comes next to be that source of comfort and reprieve, in fact, my sole desire in life is to be present for those dear to me before fading away and to never fail to express verbally and nonverbally how much I love, for its in that that is truly known that:

 "Every little thing is gonna be all right."

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou:"
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh!
Every little thing gonna be all right. Don't worry!"
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing" - I won't worry!
"'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."

Every Little Thing Is Gonna Be All Right

Mistakes Life's Greatest Teachers: Night Court Of Life Lessons Chapter Fourteen

 

Mistakes Life's Greatest Teachers

If your friends are meant to be there for you no matter what, through thick and thin, then the myriad of faces that tread across the courtroom floor of the original Night Court are just that, friends to the end throughout the good and the bad.  The choices of each character brought about amusing storylines but also went deeper than that to reveal the true power of unconditional and nonjugmental acceptance of another and the support that involves in developing one's personal confidence and self worth.  Of this, I can attest to as I continue forward in my soul's evolution recognizing the value of healthy relation and that that isn't.  

These characters had their fair share of honest and not so fair choices that led to mistakes, however, this helped further the growth of their development into a truly better soul.  These include Bull's rapid decision to quit his job as bailiff to take up work as a professional wrestler, a myriad of Dan's quick get ahead decisions or one night stands, Harry's reaction to being called a "Pig" which led him to walk away from the bench, and Christina or Billie's naive decision to stand up for what they believed was right for the clients even if it flew in the face of the law.  In each decision made, they were led down the winding pathway until the destruction, leading them to face themselves and own their mistakes.  With each step, their friends and colleagues followed them throughout, finding themselves both amused by the antics that were caused by the choices made while also expressing concern towards their loved one.  In the end, it was these loved ones that gently (or sometimes not so) helped their friend dust themselves, return to their feet, and continue forward, albeit a bit abashed but not worse for the wear, in fact, better because of the circumstances. 

In a very real sense, the mistakes made were the greatest of teachers that taught the lessons needed to shape the soul into its truest and highest self.  Such is the same with us, as we stumble through this life, sometimes faltering with our choices and finding a door slamming in our faces, we need not bemoan ourselves for our mistakes or hearing that resounding "No" echoing within our soul weakening our self worth, but rather see these deadends as not our demise but an opportunity to turn, reflecting within, and begin again.  

Stephanie Powers, the host of the podcast, "Lightworkers Lounge" famously shares that 'failures are not endings, but opportunities for new beginnings' (paraphrase). 

You take me to another space in time
You take me to a higher place
So I'm, I'm about to get out of the race
I don't mind
You ought to know that everything's nothing if I don't have you

A Higher Place

Find out more about Stephanie Powers & L ightworkers Lounger at: Lightworkers Lounge

What Friends Are For: Night Court Of Life Lessons Chapter Thirteen

 

Good friends stick by your side through life's journey, calling you out when you go astray, lifting you up in times of heartache, and cheering you on when the glorious finished line is achieved with true heartfelt satisfaction

Oh, the power of friendship!  What can be said about the notion of good, solid friendship?  How can it be defined and explained in mere words what is felt within?

Friendship, merely platonic, is somehow seen as less important than other connections, be they romantic or familial, yet the import of a good friend is so necessary for one's soul's evolution.  A good friend straightens your tie or your skirt before you head into a big meeting, cheers you on when you glance back for encouragement, loves you no matter what may come, and sees value in you even when your exterior choices seems so undesirable.

Looking at the Dan Fielding character of it all, his sex-crazed, seemingly narcissistic ploys for power, one wonders why his colleagues maintained any sort of connection outside of the necessary work relationship, but thus they did.  Because underneath it all, as we have seen and continue to see revealed throughout the series, Dan Fielding bore a heart of good and fierce loyalty to do what's right, even if it meant sacrificing his own desires at times.  Thus, there was always a limit to his perceived slimy drives and usually were reached when his actions would cause harm to another.  His friends saw that happen time after time and thus were patient during each new undertaking because they knew the power of good would win the day overall.

Dan was not the only character that saw the power of good friendship given to him.  Each character felt the longlasting effect of being apart of Judge Stone's courtroom, including Stone himself.  (Just as each actor (and most likely the crew) felt the longlasting effect of being cast in Night Court, including Anderson himself.) Whether it be, patiently waiting for Dan to grasp the moral choice in his graspings, whether it be Christine's giving birth in an elevator, endlessly attempting to educate Bull on what a sex change was yet to no avail, or endearing the myriad of Harry's magic tricks again and again, true friendship stayed and saw through the person's exterior, time and time again. 

Thus, they grew to one another as a whole, recognizing that each is full of nuance, not merely good or bad, and each capable of ever evolving into something better.  From this, we can conjecture that good friends stick by your side through life's journey, calling you out when you go astray, lifting you up in times of heartache, and cheering you on when the glorious finished line is achieved with true heartfelt satisfaction.

That's What Friends Are For

We're your friends

We're your friends

We're your friends to the bitter end

When you're alone

Who comes around

To pluck you up

When you are down

And when you're outside, looking in

Who's there to open the door?

That's what friends are for!

For more of chapters about the power of friendship within Night Court, check out Wisdom From Night Court , Life Is Short; Hug A Friend, and Family Is Thicker Than Blood

They Can't All Be Gems: Night Court Of Life Lessons Chapter Ten

They Can't All Be Gems

Okay, I'm gonna admit something that isn't all that easy to say  for me; Night Court may have had some moments that were less than perfect, that is all I will allow.  Yes, the best TV show of all times has left me shaking my head at times.

So, I have been re-watching the show through Amazon with as many episodes as they have per season and have now reached season three.  Already, I have mourned the loss of Selma, once more, some thirty odd years later after her death, as I watched an episode that aired just days before she passed.  They must have known, she was probably already in hospice with death close to approaching, can you imagine that they had to go out and act while knowing that?   In addition, I have fallen hard over Ellen Foley as Billie Young only to watch her magically disappear as Markie Post re-emerged as Christine Sullivan, bittersweet all around, because as much as I love Markie as Christine, I equally adored Ellen as Billie.  Couldn't we have found someway to have both?  But, alas, the past is past and when all is said in done, at least in the reruns, we can have them both.

Anyway, I digress....I digress so hard because I gulp to explain my thoughts.   This is hard to admit, that the TV show that has brought me such joy, peace, and healing had moments that were less than par, or at least, left me scratching my head wondering why...

Yet, even in that, a valuable lesson is shown to me through these minor, and I mean MINOR, imperfections.  

So, the first episode, I want to hold up as less than ideal is from season two, episode six entitled, "Bull Gets A Kid" in which Bull Shannon becomes a surrogate father to a child, like a "Big Brother" type thing.  The kid appears and plays off as if to be a boy, complete with short, cropped hair and boyish clothes, and Bull is over the moon with the connection.  Yet, when this child needs to use the bathroom, the truth is revealed...he is really a she and she masqueraded as a boy because boys are the majority picked for the program of surrogate fathers.  Bull is devastated with the news, acting as if majorly betrayed and acting as if he cannot relate to the child as a girl.  

Now, I know this was the eighties, just a mere thirty years outside of the fifties, and that the notion of gender was more strict and restricted than is today, but I still found an issue with this.  As a child, I don't recall having such issue, yes, but still I may not have actually seen this episode back then or just may not have fully understood ( I was a kid after all).  What bothered me was Bull's acting with such betrayal and horror at being mislead, at treating her as if she was somehow different because of her gender, as if nothing they had shared mattered, even to dejectedly hand her the football he purchased saying, "maybe you can make it a doll", wait, a girl cannot toss around a football, Bull? Later, he finally makes up with her and they continue their father/daughter type connection with her showing up in a dress and them heading off to the opera...so, why does the activity have to change?  

In very truth, some seasons later this show would challenge the notion of sexuality and gender in a way that was un-seen anywhere else back then, such as when Dan Fieldings high school jock buddy shows up as a woman, but still this episode, "Bull gets a kid" did not sit well with me.   For even though I am full cis-gender chic, I believe that that doesn't stop me from enjoying activities and indulging in arenas that may seem more male and believe that all should have this luxury, no matter how they identify.  

Yet, this will not stop me from calling Night Court the best TV show,  well basically, my favorite TV show of all time.

Next, the other night, I watched season three, episode five, "Halloween, Too", in which Harry falls hard for a woman who ends up being a practicing witch, of which he finds out after she is arrested and brought before him for disrupting the peace because of a ritual in Central Park.  Okay, the issue with her being a witch is not the issue, it's how they decided to follow through with the story, which I find as more lazy than discriminatory towards any form of religion.  

Through the interactions between Harry and his other colleagues, it is made known that the relationship between him and his witch girlfriend would cause a major scandal and possibly affect the ability for him to keep his job.  I was confused by this but wanted to offer the benefit of the doubt, it was the eighties, this could have been normal, right? My partner, a man in his sixties, shook his head no, not even in the eighties.  

So, am I pissed at Night Court for some kind of weird alternative religious discrimination?  No, I'm not pissed at all in fact, but kinda relieved.  See, I feel that this story line specifically was kinda lazy on behalf of the writers.  It would appear as if because Harry couldn't maintain this relationship past this episode they had to find a way to end it, break his heart because I guess they enjoyed hurting the poor guy (them bastards), and, hey, it's a Halloween episode so why not make her a witch and...yeah, lazy writing.***

But, no, I'm not pissed.  Like, I said, I'm relieved.  Because as a creator myself, in so many ways influenced by Night Court itself, it's a relief to see that the show that was and is my foundation didn't always knock it out of the ballpark and, you know, that's okay.  

So, I take that to heart when what I create and put out in the world doesn't make the hugest of splashes or brings about some criticism, all the greats have their moments, right, they can't all be gems. 

No matter, keep creating, keep following the path.

And I won't let you get me down

I'll keep gettin' up when I hit the ground

Oh, never give up, no, never give up no, no, oh

I won't let you get me down

I'll keep gettin' up when I hit the ground

Oh, never give up, no, never give up no, no, oh

I'll find my way, find my way home, oh, oh, oh

I'll find my way, find my way home, oh, oh, oh

I'll find my way, find my way home, oh, oh, oh

I'll find my way, find my way home, oh, oh, oh

Never Give Up

***Watching the show today, I never realized how often Harry was a dude checking out a girl or trying to date her, I must have overlooked that as a child, and I'll admit as someone who admired him as an ideal father figure, this is kinda awkward for me.  

Dreams Don't Just Happen: Night Court Of Life Lessons Chapter Eight

Hard Work Pays Off, Just Ask Dan

Say what you want about him, love him or hate him or even both, Dan Fielding is a hard worker, diligently doing what he has to elevate his position.  Along the way, it may appear as if his soul has been lost but it's only momentarily mired in the mud of the endless pursuit, for when it is necessary, once again it emerges prevailing doing what's right.

As we learn throughout the seasons, Dan is a self-made man, building himself by his own blood, sweat, and tears having literally come up from being dirt poor.  That's right, his father was a dirt farmer, who never could really amount to anything or get anything growing on his property.  However, unsuccessful his parents were at running a farm, they were successful at child-rearing because they gave all they had to help start Dan out, from there every gain he has received has been with every effort of his own.  Yet, with such focus he found great success and gain.

It's an old trope, "hard work pays off" especially in western cultures, that of hard work is rewarded and laziness is considered a weakness leading to failure.  "You never fail if you just try", another quips.  Furthermore, dreams don't come true merely by imagining, but those imaginings are what propel us ever forward to take each step necessary to reach our ambitions.  At times, the road seems fraught with peril and we are want to throw in the towel, feeling as if no end is in sight to reach our desired destinations.

Currently, I find myself in that frame of mind, having sat here at this computer, working steadily on various content projects feeling as if I can never quite move forward far enough, yet at the same time that my intentions seem not so far off simultanously it feels as if they keep moving just a little bit farther the closer I get to it.  Maddeningly at times, truly.  

Yet, as I write this, hilariously I am finding strength by looking at the character of Dan Fielding, who came up from dirt and pulled himself by his own bootstraps to pursue his career ambitions.  So, too, I could look at John Larroquette, the man who has inspired my acting ambitions, has worked steadily for over forty years, pursuing his dreams as an actor, one job after the next, successfully killing it along the way (sometimes not, remember the talk show debacle).  

So, my friend, when you find yourself downtrodden, discouraged, turn on Night Court season one and episode one, follow Dan Fieldings  journey throughout the years and see how a lot of striving and scheming was truly driven by an unwavering belief in reaching his desired destination.

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I, I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The Climb

Right Place, Right Time: Night Court Of Life Lessons Chapter Six

 

Right Here, Right Now

When viewers first watched (or watch in reruns) Night Court, they marveled at how such a young person, early thirties, at the time could become a judge.  Furthermore, the other characters within Night Court when Harry became judge were equally as perplexed and concerned as to who this maverick was and how he received the appointment.  Antics ensued as they tried to question his authority and find ways to have him removed because he didn't abide by the rules of the court.  Yet, throwing out the book was the gift Harry brought to the courtroom and what helped bring true resolution to the cases brought before him, as those opposed to him quickly surmised and began to trust him.

As that first episode of season one comes to a close, Harry confides in Lana just how he got the job, explaining that they had a long list of available judges that they called on that day, Harry happened to be home, answered the home, and so he got the job.  "But," he reiterated, "I was on the list."

The notion of Harry's 'right place, right time' approach to getting employed is more mystical than pure luck or coincidence.  One of the reasons Harold T. Stone was loved was for his child-like exuberance he brought to each situation, placing real interest in the people before him, whoever they may be, and bringing in the flair of magic in all his interactions.  Although there were times when he became downtrodden and depressed, ultimately he bounced back, returning to his child-like, magical view at life, that brought hope and encouragement to all he met.  

Why is that? I conjecture because the character, Harold T. Stone, lived his life as much as in the moment as could possibly be, letting circumstances unfold and occur as they happened, without judgment but instead with wonder and curiousity.  Thus, in that state of presence, he found himself repeatedly in the right place at the right time, not, mind you, through any act of his control, but because he allowed the unfolding to occur in its own magical course.

What I am writing about here is that sense of flow.  

Flow is defined as "a state of mind in which a person becomes fully immersed in an activity. Positive psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi describes flow as a state of complete immersion in an activity. While in this mental state, people are completely involved and focused on what they are doing. "The ego falls away."

As the ego relinquishes control, a person is able to release his or her own demands for life and circumstances to occur as they direct and truly to enjoy the fullness of joy that life has to offer. 

There is no other place I want to be
Right here, right now
Watching the world wake up from history

Right Here, Right Now

Always Hope: Night Court Of Life Lessons Chapter Five

 

There Is Always Hope

When pondering this entry on the lessons found in Night Court, it became strange to me that I would write about such while sharing a photo of someone I greatly admired, always wished to share how much he meant to me as a youngster, and never got that opportunity, something I don't know if I will ever feel that recovered.  However, as I then scanned through the photos of Night Court castmembers searching for photos of Harry that would give that resounding warmth of hope (and when does he not, just look at those loving blue eyes with the youthful twinkle), my eyes kept falling upon not just him but the other castmembers who we have recently lost, namely Markie Post and Charles Robinson.  Thus, I began to feel that that feeling of hope was not an overall theme of the stories of Night Court, but is something that I have found pertinent throughout my own life. 

Within the context of Night Court, there are many instances where the characters struggle to maintain a sense of hope amidst the nightly rigors of a work environment that may seem bleak and without at times.  Throughout each episode, the characters find relief in their circumstances by the camradie of their colleagues, whose encouragement shows the true power of  'laughter is indeed the best medicine' and by staying true to your core the solution will reveal itself.  

However, sometimes the situations seem to dire, the answers seem unreachable and amongst the shadowy mist in a place of shadowy vision, and in those moments where the character finds himself feeling the most alone, dejected, confused, lost.  Such as, Bull's unceasing desire to be a parent yet cannot be fulfilled, Harry's feeling dejected after a child is shot as if all he has ever done doesn't matter, Dan's slow, mental breakdown after losing job opportunities and pursued wealth which leaves him feeling unable to move, yet beneath it all each character slowly emerges from their cocoon of darkness through the patient support of their faithful friends.  These loving faithful prove that despite difficulties inwardly they truly never give up the flame of hope, a torch which can help re-ignite another's who has gone out in despair.  This is such the case in season three, episode two, "The Hostage", where a man claiming to be from Saturn holds the court at gunpoint until he is able to return to his home planet, as the show reaches his conclusion, the man is safely taken into custody of a psychiatric hospital, he turns to Harry with the sad news of the doom of Earth by the abuses of its people yet Harry remarks that 'no matter how dark things seem to get, he can't find a way to give up on the hope of a better tomorrow' (paraphrase).  It's a poignant moment that the other characters and audience take in, only to be broken by the insane laughter from the Saturn man. 

Harry remarks that he 'no matter how dark things seem to get, 

he can't find a way to give up on the hope of a better tomorrow' (paraphrase). 

As a child growing up in circumstances not altogether positive, hearing this promise of a better future infused itself within me, without my truly knowing that it had.  As the years have passed, that clear message shared to me through the TV screen in my parents basement on a TV station not clearly visible, has remained a firm sticking point despite the dark recesses of my mind dragging me downwards.  No matter how far I fell, I always always found my way out and upwards.  

The beauty of it all is that this TV show that brought such relief in my formidable years has seemingly returned to me in a time of such intense healing and trauma work.  It's as if in the journey of my life, the ups and downs, has brought me right back to my core, the place where true healing is done and the power of hope discovered.  While I indulge in watching old reruns now, I feel the little girl inside of me releasing in the warmth of being safe, cherished, and free to be truly herself.  It is not something that is often truly admitted openly but what I have discovered is that those favorite TV shows, films, or bands are the sources of our greatest strength, healing, and in that discovery the true reality that hope never dies.   As the feeling of the ache of heartbreak engulfs me as these beloved actors breathe their last and head onwards to the great courtroom in the sky (making God laugh, no doubt), I am swept over by a nearness like none felt when they walked this earth, no longer is there any separation, the understanding that their most powerful role was as spirit guide, as in life through a TV screen, so, too, in death, helping to lift up, encourage, showing that life is to be taken less seriously, and the answers we seek will always be found when we let go, we find hope.

Behind your eyes
Are endless blue skies
You travel places i want to come, too
Each breath that you breathe
Is a brush stroke that leads me to you

So sleep
Fall into nights indigo hue
Believe me, its true
Theres nothing that I would not do
For my dream is sweet dreams for you

It seems far away
But there once was a day
It was grey in a world without you
To this heart like a dove from above
The miracle of your love found me

Sweet Dreams

 

Life Is Short; Hug A Friend: Night Court of Life Lessons Chapter Three

 Life is Short; Hug A Friend

Here we go, chapter three of Night Court of Life Lessons.  Today's lesson is inspired by Night Court Season Three, Episode One, entitled, "Hello, Good-Bye".  In this episode, Christine Sullivan (Markie Post) returns and becomes a series regular, replacing Ellen Foley, but sadly another castmember is missing and that is Selma Diamond who passed in May of that year.  Thus, the crux of the show centers around having to hire a new bailiff as well as the grief over such loss, which especially affects Bull (Richard Moll). This affect is made evidence to all when Bull shows up to work late, heavily inebriated, and surrounded by some interesting circus folk.  ("Meet the gang", he slobbers with a big grin.) Harry immediately calls a recess and the rest of the cast rally Bull into Harry's chambers.  

Bull drunkenly sways around while the rest, especially Harry, attempt to figure out the root cause of Bull's lapse in judgment.  Christine, new to the court and already feeling defensive over her belief that Harry doesn't take her seriously as a woman, tries to offer her service to help Bull, which irritates Harry, furthering Christine's belief of Harry's insensitivity.  As I can understand  Christine's point of view, I can also see why Harry would react the way he was and how she had misjudged him.  I feel like saying "Geez,read the room, Christine", as the stress and anxiety over his friend, Bull's, condition is weakening his ability to be rational and, maybe, "Back off a little, newbie." ***

Eventually, though, Bull confesses his reasoning for drinking was to toast his beloved Selma over and over again, reminding the others of their loss and pain once more.  Harry attempts to encourage Bull that it's time to move on, which does not satisfy or bring any resolution.  I find it interesting that it is Bull, with his more simplistic, naive, child-like mental capacity, that reignites the conversation about death and loss and is unable to distract himself from the heartbreak.  Then, that naivete is what awakens the others to examine and feel their own feelings surrounding Selma's passing.  

After Bull rampages around the courthouse a bit more ending up once again on the rooftop ala Godzilla-style, he is eventually subdued (by Christine fainting) and returns to Harry's chambers, where he and Harry have a deep heart to heart.  Bull inquires of Harry of how to move on when the loss still feels so agonizing, why is there life to live when death is inevitable? 

Harry is silent for a moment before saying: 

"I don't know why we live, 

I don't know why we die, 

but I do know that as long as were here,

we got hold on to each other real tight."**

As Bull takes this in, he is overwhelmed and falls into Harry with a huge squeeze, taken Harry aback before he returns the hug.  As a little girl watching this in my parents' basement, no doubt a rerun on an ABC affiliate that never got the best of reception all grainy and almost black and white, it is most likely that I did not understand the fullness of this statement, however, subconsciously it probably sunk its way into my innermost being.  For I most assuredly have had my fair share of heartbreak, from beloved friends, family members, and pets passing on, to intimate partner violence, church abuse, and many other forms in between, so the lesson of Harry's words have helped comfort and encourage as I have developed the understanding that as in nature, our lives reflect seasons' and different souls people those times for certain purposes for all included, then as the season unravels itself, we depart in some fashion.  Thus, Harry's words have rung true all my life through and I seek to hold on tightly, physically and metaphorically, while our time together is consistent. 

That's What Friends Are For

Oh and then for the times when we're apart

Well, then close your eyes and know

The words are coming from my heart

And then if you can remember

Keep smiling and keep shining

Knowing you can always count on me, for sure

That's what friends are for

In good times and bad times

I'll be on your side forever more

That's what friends are for

**In a previous blog, I wrote how this line broke me, having such a deep admiration and need for Harry in my youth and forever, suddenly aware of the great loss his absence in life has brought.  Read more about that here: Wisdom From Night Court

***I deeply apologize to any of my feminist readers and especially My Markie Post fangirl friends, I mean, no respect.  I loved her too, but this was my impression.  So sue me.

****Florence Halop was hired to replace Selma Diamond as she resembled Selma's character in many ways.  Later on, after Flo passed, Marsha Warfield was hired.  With Flo, especially, I now pause to reflect what it may feel like to be hired to "replace" someone, as if anyone truly can be replaced as well as can another fully be anything but themselves and not the one they replaced.

Stand Up For What You Believe In: Night Court Of Life Lessons Chapter Two

 

Stand Up For What You Believe In: Even If You Stand Alone

Day two of my deep dive into all the lessons ever learned from Night Court and the one for today seems especially of import.  

Being that the show itself took place in a courtroom with thirtysomethings still enthusiastic about the law, doing what's right, and helping people, this was a frequent storyline for many a character, especially that of Harry and the female public defender characters.  See: Ellen Foley as Billie Young in the gif above.  But, some of the other characters had their share of a similar storyline as well, such as Mac marrying Quon-Le so that she could have her citizenship, Bull's attempts at being a father, and, yes, even Dan did the right thing in the end.   The point is, the characters' decision to go into law was heavily fueled by their altruistic desire to stand up for the downtrodden.  As we learned yesterday, this was not always easy to do or were they always successful, leading to a character burn out, ie Harry in the last entry.

Personally, I was especially impacted by these storylines when they followed Harry (well, when wasn't I affected by him) as well as those of the public defender whether it be Billie Young (Ellen Foley) or Christine Sullivan (Markie Post).  Influenced by Harry, of course, because of my great trust and admiration in him, seeing hm as the ultimate father figure, but I am happy to note that my first influence of strong female was introduced to me by Night Court in the likeness of Billie Young and Christine Sullivan.

Both characters' first storyline were marked by their nervous first days' in court coupled with their exuberant desire to do what's right, even if it was against the law and none went with them, even their own clients.  Often this would land them a stint in jail for their disobedience of the law and so they proudly went head held high.  Most of the time, Harry was in support of their stance, although his hands being tied by the requirements of the law, always he was proud of them.  

In fact, all of the characters' held pride in doing what was right even if standing alone, yes, even Dan.  For what other reason was there to follow after this career path, if not to fight for what is right.  So, even if it went against the letter of the law, all had immense pride when one of their own held their ground, even though eventually they had to relinquish.  Because as we learned yesterday from Dan, "we can only do what the law allows", eventually they had to succumb to that reality. 

However, this inner belief remained and kept the fire for justice alive, as they grew they learned how to navigate the fight in a more balanced and productive fashion.

Fight Song

Like a small boat

On the ocean

Sending big waves

Into motion

Like how a single word

Can make a heart open

I might only have one match

But I can make an explosion

Only do what you can do: Night Court Of Life Lessons Chapter One

Dan talks to Harry

Right then, here we go.  My first entry in my series on all the lessons I learned from Night Court.  I have spoken profusely in the past about how this show, among others, stands the test of time as my favorite all time show because ultimately it was the first, myself finding it a tender young age, to experience quality in every facet of artistic creation.  And, thus it went deeper than that.  Falling into my desired hope for Harry as father, being influenced by the female characters as strong and able to stand their own aside the boys, choosing acting as my career path because of John Larroquette, the influence of the comedy on my writing, I could go on...

Today, I want to share this lesson, one that strikes my heart deeply especially in my current phase of recovery from codependency and relationship addictions.  Furthermore, as an empath, I have had the propensity in the past to care more for others than myself and need to rescue as a means to distract from my own pain.  This resulted in my entire being and energy force being drained from me.  

After the death of Harry Anderson in 2018, I scoured Youtube for clips of him in Night Court, as well as other forms of entertainment.  The above clip really spoke to me, especially at the end when Dan admits how much he admired Harry, sharing that he was "good, impartial, fair, patient, compassionate, understanding" which felt as if John Larroquette was sharing that about his beloved departed castmember and friend.  Perhaps there is some nugget of truth within that for him yet I do not know for certain, but I do know that those were very words were what I wished to express to Harry Anderson.

Yet, today's focus is on this line of Dan Fielding:

"We can only do what the law will allow us to do."

Indeed, as I have mentioned, as an empath I find myself overdoing my caring and rescuing for another, at the expense of the self.  In this scene, Harry represents that facet of myself, filling more of the burnt out empath role.  As those working in the legal profession in this storyline, Dan tried to explain how fortunate it was that there is a boundary limiting what is allowed, something the codependent and empathic struggle with defining and maintaining.  As Harry balks at this, mourning the loss of the murdered child, Dan shows his heartbreak over that loss yet stands firm in the necessity and power of the law to serve.  Not all can be saved by us, he emphasizes and encourages, yet we still persevere and, in the end, do make a difference.  In classic Dan Fielding, this is expressed through chiding Harry over his "Savior Complex" mentality, wounding Harry which shows Dan he's making an impact whether admitted or not.  

A secondary lesson yet one that is equally of import is the value of a good friend to encourage and admonish when going through struggles, to uplift through authentic honesty.  It's Dan that remains after the others leave, Dan that is not afraid to call Harry out yet underneath that is his compassion to comfort Harry.  Through this, Harry heals and is strengthened, returning to his position as judge, having learned the valuable lesson of setting boundaries within giving, that all have their path to follow, and that we are not meant to be the rescuers and saviors for all.

This is easier said than done.  In our personal lives, it is difficult to put into practice boundary setting without feeling that tug of guilt.  For in the context of Night Court, they had the law on their side establishing that boundary, as Dan explained.  Out of this context, it is our most important duty to establish our own boundaries to protect our hearts and our heart.  For without true personal self care, one cannot be truly of service to another.  

Without taking the time to  heal within, there is no strength to heal without.  

 

Wisdom From Night Court

 

Over the last few months of this year, I have finally been able to re-watch Night Court reruns, having not been able to since the death of the magical Harry Anderson in 2018, due to grief and the time  needed to heal.  Through the wonders of streaming services, my partner and I have been able to purchase and watch seasons of the episode, starting with season one, through Amazon. 

To say that it has helped fulfill the lonely pang of my heart fraught during this time of recovery would be insufficient in itself.  The magnitude of what that little courtroom comedy inspired and gave to me first as a child, as I grew into my creative profession, and now in this time of healing early trauma is beyond comprehension.  But, thus it does, to which the majority of such comes hence from the magical human that was Harry Anderson, whose presence fills up the rest of the cast to their fullness of capability and creation.  I don't mean to lessen their talent and worth, for on their own they are some of the most talented performers I have yet to see (yes, my bias is apparent here somewhat), but even so, within that talent alone could not suffice if it wasn't for Harry.  There are certain breeds of human throughout this existence of time we spend on this blue and green marble of which we abide that have a spark about them that carries with it the power to uplift and encourage with mirthful love.  Harry Anderson was such and his Harold T. Stone was that such embodiment.  (With no respect towards Melissa Rauch and those involved with the reboot, they have an uphill battle to showcase the sequel with the absence of him.)

As a child, I could not express fully into words or thoughts why I loved the show so yet my heart and emotion knew.  I longed for and needed the comfort found in the presence of Harry and his courtroom.  As I grew as an actor and writer, I see now how the effects of the talent both onscreen and offscreen affected my creative evolution.  As I watch the episodes today, I understand more fully just how divinely perfect the fullness of the show appears, from the writing, the acting, and so much more.  The different cast members who came and went throughout the years, whether it be by death or some other reason, until the right cast was discovered, I can now see just how each character that was brought in was needed to complete the happy arrangement.  For example, Harry, with only Dan Fielding and Bull Shannon as his male counterparts, was lacking, he needed a buddy with a similar mindset and wavelength of which he need not always rescue, assist, or advice, but one who could share the burden of such while also helping him to laugh at the foibles.  Enter Mac Robinson.  As I mentioned earlier, the rest of the castmembers that came along that filled the cast as we recall it most fondly were that which rounded out the Night Court family, nothing against the actors who were a part for a brief time, but in the grand scheme of it all, the right actors that found their way at last to Night Court were what was meant to be. 

Why can I say this?  Because as I watch the reruns, I am struck with the deep love and enjoyment that seems to be infusing out of each actor for each other as they perform together, which colors how their characters feel for each other as well.  As a performer in both film and stage, I have felt this communion with my cast and crew members, a familial bond forms that never dies even with the final curtain call and credit roll.  That is such I see as I watch the old reruns of my beloved courtroom comedy, which is apparent also in the social media posts I read by the remaining cast members as they pore out their grief over the losses of their family.  

This I saw watching episode nineteen of season two, "Married Alive" last night which featured prominently the storyline of Dan Fielding, always bound to be good especially for this Larroquette Fan Girl.  In my opinion, John Larroquette is one of the most talented actors I have ever seen on TV or film, more recognition of that needs to be made apparent today!  It is often wondered how the character of Dan Fielding would fare in today's social climate, with its #metoo worldview and other such reality.  The more I re-watch Night Court I am struck with the reality that Larroquette's Dan is not as problematic as one would think in today's standards and perhaps was more so back then.  He was self-seeking, always trying to get ahead by any means necessary, and most definitely, a horny little devil.  But underneath it all, beat a heart of gold with an extreme sense of honor to his work and loyalty to those he loved.  None other could show this dichotomy of character so expertly as John Larroquette did.  In last night's episode, Dan finds himself in the presence of an socially awkward heiress who he courts with the attempts to better his financial situation, to the disdain and disgust of his courtroom counterparts, most specifically that of Billie Young.  But, as the relationship unfolds for Dan and wedding bells are put on the table, something unexpected occurs, he falls for her.  As he shares with his colleagues in a heart-wrenching, time-stopping, silencing monologue:

Dan Fielding: Yeah okay, okay, I get the picture. And I even understand why you feel this way. I'm not saying there aren't differences. Socially she's a little... underprivileged. But when we're alone, I feel good. Very good. Relaxed, wanted, and accepted. [snaps his fingers] Poof! I mean just like your magic, Harry. She makes my problems disappear, my anxieties subside. I mean God's in his heaven, all is right with the world, there's nowhere to go but up, look for the silver lining, don't give up the ship! And I'll be damned if that's not what each and every one of us is looking for, and I just happened to find mine, so the best of luck to the rest of you. You know that crazy stuff that we all carry around inside of us? That stuff that eats little holes in your brain and churns at your insides? That stuff that you know you cannot possibly tell another living human being? I can tell her. And she listens, and she understands. She says "It's all right. [long pause] It's all right." And it IS.

The episode was chock full of the highs and lows of the nuance of Dan Fielding, I found myself in side splitting gut busting laughter, almost to rolling about the floor, tears rolling down my face, then the silence befall as I took in the above monologue, and lastly real tears caught in my throat at the close of the show.  In the final moments of the show, Dan's fiance calls of the wedding, a human being he has allowed himself to fall for and feel closer to than anyone else, breaks his heart, leaving him lost and dejected.  Momentarily, he finds reprieve in a cute blonde who comes begging for a date, leaving Billie Young and Selma Hacker with much disgust.  But, as they walk out the door leaving him alone with Harry, the two men start to exit when suddenly Dan expels a tearful, "Harry!" and Harry immediately puts his arm about Dan with the comforting "It'll be okay, Dan!"  And, together they walk out the door arms about each other.

That love of one another, both character and especially actor, was apparent in that scene.  The depth of the love and appreciation I have for the show deepened then more fully in that moment than ever before, a show with such beautiful acting, exquisite comedic timing, and great writing, demonstrating the camraderie that the togetherness of creating is truly built upon, never fades, nor dies.  I started to ponder how painful it must have been for John Larroquette to walk back onto a similar set for the sequel, to be alone with a new cast and to be hit with the difference therein.  He's acted in other series and films so much since the original Night Court ended, but to be back in a place where so much love, laughter, and life was shared and to know that never will the faces of those you loved, who supported you, walked with you is painful.  Around each corner did he expect to find one of them, to find Harry, ready with a magic trick, a joke, or a hug.  So, wondering that in my heart, a sob caught in my throat.

But, more immediately hearing Harry's comforting words, "It'll be okay, Dan!" brought upon the strongest wave of heartbreak.  All of my life those were the words I wished for more than ever from him.  Could I get that on a soundbite then, "It'll be okay"?  Such that I could play Harry's words over and over whenever I need them, a sense of comfort and encouragement, a meditation.

It may be that in this time we find ourselves parasocial relationships seem perhaps more paramount than ever before, however, I believe that all connections we make are for purposes decreed from before, a soul contract of connection, whether that be in our personal life or more external.  Nothing that the heart attaches itself to is accidental, but all has a purpose, a lesson, to assist in one's personal evolution towards reaching the higher self.

My Favorite Song

Hear more about my love for Night Court as well as other fandoms of myself and my friends on the podcast, FanGirlHour

"Your Heart is Your Truest Self,

Trust In That Alone

Make Your Dreams A Reality!"