I'm not networking anymore!

Yesterday I had a post traumatic stress break, like an anxiety attack but so much worse. 

I know that I have mentioned before somewhat about my abusive past, but always with certain limitations.  In truth, I haven't really dealt with the inner issues and fall-out since I left my abusive ex-husband in 2013, and slowly realized the extent of all the abusive types I had allowed into my life since childhood, from friends, spiritual teachers, and boyfriends alike.  I imagined that if I forgave the abuser, not forgotten, that I had learned my lesson and could truly move forward.  But, there is a difference between moving forward and being healed.  Because moving forward can become akin to busyness, to forget, nullify, and distract. 

It has come to my attention these last several months that I have not truly overcome my post traumatic issues and, in fact, have learned that I am one that buries deep my feelings to run from, distract, avoid and can seem aloof to others.  Although I am indeed a deeply compassionate person with a ton of emotions right at the surface, my past traumatic experiences have taught me that it is not safe to reveal and have throughout a plethora of relationship styles (friend, lover, etc) lost my security in trusting.

So, due to my not having the insurance coverage, I was unable to see a therapist after leaving my abusive ex-husband.  I mean, I did have ways to cope and could have attended free support groups with other victims, beyond that of social media ones, but I did not.  It is true that I spent a good chunk of my younger days, twenty-six to thirty, in a myriad of therapy options so I had a good understanding of how to cope and care for myself.  So, with all that said, I imagined that I was doing quite well, in spite of it all.  

But, at the end of the day, I never truly grew, healed, or truly released myself from the past traumatic events.  I have lived as if the world around me and those I came into contact were still a constant threat.  I mean, yes there were certain element of healing through forgiving my past bullies but I never truly understood the extent the purpose of why I experienced all the abuse from so many different formats, why I chose to allow those individuals to hurt me the way they did or even why they chose to victimize me.  But, I'm starting to see clearly the answers therein.

Truth be told, because of this, I was and still can be quite reactive and defensive in the face of presumed threats to my security, both physically and emotionally.   Others that have not experienced the layers of abuse that I have experienced may have found this confusing, this over-reactions I have had at times.  For my part, I was constantly under the delusion that I was being taken advantage of and that ultimately I was not loved.

Although there have been some healing throughout the last several years, it wasn't until last December that the scales of hiding fell away from my eyes and I began to clearly see myself.   That was when I finally did a psychiatric intake for mental health counseling that I realized I still needed to work on my trauma issues. 

In reality, I used my abusive past as a crutch to hide, to run away from relationships, from getting to close to my friends.  I expected those that cared for me to hurt me so I made it so they did.  I never fully explained my reasoning, from the outside I can look fully sufficient, competent, and dare I say, happy.  For the most part, I am.  Through therapy, I have realized that it's not healthy to put up barriers and avoid certain places and people that I deem unsafe and threatening.  You mean, I could someday attend these places without feeling like I need to have an escape route at all times. 

This is still a novel concept as I have been living with the way of super-protective boundaries for almost a decade, if not longer, now.  And, its a daily norm for me that I run through the voices of my abusers' lies and tactics to destroy and keep me submissive. And sometimes try to talk back, defensive now when I couldn't speak up then as the victim.

This is all to say that my look at socializing or being with people has been altered. (And not just in the light of COVID-19 and all that implies either.)  When we do get around to opening our world again, my take on all that has transformed, evolved, if you will.

Yes, it is true that with the onset of starting my production company and still having to work several part-time survival gigs, and with balancing all of that, it gives me little time to unwind and relax.  I am a self professed, proud introvert, always have been and always will be.  I love more than anything being by myself and as I continually heal, I find more and more comfort being with me. 

Yes, I have to stay busy, I have to be productive or my life isn't worth anything, is a constant thread running through my mind.  I often have trouble watching a TV show or movie, because I feel guilty even doing that, relaxing by myself, at times.  

Also, due to the bullies of my past, I find myself feeling guilty if I decline to participate in their invites. Its not a personal attack or an insult to them, but more to myself, when I decline or not show up.   I recognize that it may appear that way but its due to my own feeling of not being safe that leaves me wanting to stay home.  But, because I believe that getting healthy requires me to be comfortable with myself and my decisions, I will not be afraid to set my boundaries and to say no when I cannot attend.  However, I will do my best to attend those I can and show support of my friends and colleagues. 

But, I must dig even deeper in my personal revelations here, showing why "I'm not networking anymore" as the title states.  Truth be told, when I wrote the first draft of this article, the following paragraphs were very accusatory, possibly insulting.  I stepped away from the computer, went on a walk, and realized that wasn't my intention.  As I grow healthier in my journey, I realize that the majority of the folks I come across are not narcissistic abusive types and in fact have their own pain that causes reactive outbursts and misunderstandings.  My intention in writing this is not to wound but to be authentic.  As I begin to release those toxic individuals who have abused me, even more so I must release those that do not willingly want to cause me harm.  And, thus I do.  We are all on the journey towards our own wholeness, a path that is truly singular to ourselves. At times, we may cross paths and help each other in a variety of ways.  Some may be a friend, others foe but regardless we learn and grow more fully into who we truly are.

That said, though, when I choose to accept an event from a friend, to a play, a party, or what have you, it will no longer be to play the game political of "quid pro quo, you scratch mine, I scratch yours, tit for tat", that is so insidious and present in the theater and film world.  I personally see that as inauthentic and detrimental to myself as a friend and artist.  I choose to attend to show my love and support of my friend, not for any gain of myself.  Because if I attend, it is with many an hour of fretting, concern for my emotional safety, planning my eventual release (ie, how long will I stay, etc), before I ever set foot in the door.  And, that said, if a person chooses not to attend an event of mine, I will not take it personal, nor shun them from my life or future events.  

No, I don't play those games and nor will I be bought. And, neither, dear ones, do you have to be bought by me.  My love remains, whether we remain side by side or our paths diverge, my love remains.  Circumstances change, life pushes us forward, but my love stays with you.  I am learning to expect no less for myself.

Furthermore, I am realizing that the power of forgiveness extends only so far.  Yes, I can forgive all that have wronged me, but I do not have to accept back into my life those that continue to inflict.  The most important key factor here is, I have a choice and so do you.  If your choice requires you to depart from me, my love remains as I have said and travels with you.  I see now that it is my decision to pursue the positive rather than dwell on the negative, thus by doing so the positive becomes abundant.  No, I do not want to exclude any dissension in my surroundings, but do expect complete honesty and, if needed, constructive criticism from my loved ones, still I choose that element that uplifts rather than tries to destroy.

Lastly, I do not seek an abundance of praise for my creative pursuits any longer.  I do hold gratitude in my heart with abundance of appreciation for those that give support and encouragement, as I give to them.  But, I realize now that its not in the quantity, but the quality.  Whether one person reads this blog or a hundred, the effect is still the same.  Did I enjoy the act of writing and creating? Did this creative endeavor bring me pleasure, make me smile, build me up in someway? If I can answer yes to that, I know that I am successful.  From that, I can see that those that are meant to read or view my creative outlets will be those that need and find the most value from it.  

Life is not about quantity, but quality.  I hope we all grow further into a deeper understanding of that reality.  

I have dreams, not that you're not lying

Next to me

I can sleep, I can rest in peace

I'm not tossing and turning on your bed of nails

I'm not burning up like I'm in hell

I can sleep

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6Wc1QICflo

Whether you are or disagree with the above writings, feel free to leave your comments below. I do read them and will respond! 

Also, The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, a small business that seeks to bring awareness to a variety of social issues that will impact the world for the better.  Consider supporting us at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions  And, thank you. 

West Christy Recommends Podcasts!

While we are working hard on the next episode, I'd like to share with you a playlist of radio shows recommended by Witney Seibold of 13th Floor (The article is 5 years old, I'll put the link at the bottom).

There are two I could not find on Spotify that he recommends, Stephen King's "The Mist". This radio drama was produced in the 80s and was recorded using a special set up to create a binaural experience. Due to the popularity of Mr. King's work, and probably the time and effort put into the drama, it's not available for free. And The Tell Tale Heart read by Iggy Pop. To be honest I probably wouldn't have listened to that one anyway, because it's not a radio drama, it's Iggy Pop reading the story. There's a place for that but this is about radio plays.
1. Suspense presents "Ghost Hunt": This is my favorite one on this list. I'm a fan of found footage and epistolary stories so this was right up my alley. A disc jockey known for his Friday night 'stunts' decides to spend the night in a haunted house with a grisly reputation. The sound engineering isn't superb but the acting is pretty good and putting yourself into any one of the character's shoes will at the very least make your hair stand on end.
2. Mercury Theater presents Dracula: Very paraphrased version of Dracula that Orson Welles produced and stars in. This really only remains on the list because it was on Witney's. However it is the best production of Dracula I've heard and closer to the book than others. I've just never been a fan of vampires. The sound engineering is excellent and runs for almost an hour. If you happen to be a fan of Bram Stoker's Dracula, then this is the one to listen to.
3. Suspense presents Donovan's Brain(1948): This was originally performed by Orson Welles but the version this list is the later recording with John McIntyre. I haven't heard the original but this one was fairly well done. A science fiction story somewhat in the vein of Frankenstein, a scientist doing experiments on keeping brain tissue alive after the rest of the body has died is awoken one night by his colleague. A financial genius from Hungary has been found in a plane wreck not far from the scientist's lab. Instead of trying to save the man, he saves the brain and slowly Donovan starts to take over the scientists body. I found this particular production amazing because McIntyre switches accents between Donovan and the scientist in mid sentence and only some words. If it was done in post then the sound mixing was excellent.
4. Tales From The Crypt presents "Tight Grip": Fans of the television show or the comic of the same name will also dig the grave puns dug up by the Cryptkeeper. And the theme song has lyrics in this version. The story itself is told from the point of view of a magician's trunk. Goofy I know, but that's Tales from the Crypt for you. All in all it's an interesting story, a complete roller coaster of a tale. This is a modern broadcast so it should be noted that they don't pull punches or censor themselves. There are some parts in it that could be distressing to listeners.
5. Escape presents Three Skeleton Key: Escape was a radio show with an interesting but rather weak premise. Basically the main character would find themselves in a situation they would have to escape each week. I haven't heard very many of them, and from what I recall they weren't very horror-like so I was surprised to see this one on the list. In the vein of Lovecraft's "Rats in the Walls" or Stephen King's "1922" (although much more literal) a lighthouse keeper and his two colleagues watch in horror as a derelict ship runs aground on their coastline and thousands of rats pour out. It's told in an odd manner, sort of like an audio book with each character having a different actor. Just the premise alone is what made this one worth listening to. Nothing particularly stands out otherwise but sometimes that alone is enough.
6. Tales from Beyond The Pale presents "The Conformation": I learned about Beyond the Pale after completing the horror game "Until Dawn". I looked up the writers and discovered they created this podcast that was bringing back original horror stories to the air waves (I have found a ton more since). This wasn't a free podcast at the time, with only two episodes available for free. But I bought the vinyl recording of two other episodes of theirs and loved them. This was two years ago and now they have some available on Spotify. Conformation promises to be 100% medically accurate, and is about a plastic surgeon who is considered the very best. But he finds humans disgustingly ugly on the outside and is becoming quite discouraged. Then he meets Michelle, who's been disfigured in an accident. She asks to not be put completely under while he reconstructs her nose. What follows is a somewhat gruesome tale of a man and woman seeking perfection in their self image. The story actually had me swearing out loud during a couple scenes. And the sound engineers of Glass Eye Pix are very very good at what they do. This one is also a modern production and is not censored in the least bit. So just be warned this one can be a bit distressing too.
7. Suspense presents "Sorry, Wrong Number": Considered one of the very best and iconic radio dramas second to War of the Worlds. Where as War of the Worlds is infamous for the public's reported reactions (these claims were not true, not on the scale reported by Mercury Theater and the producers. It was used to sell Orson Welles to the public, as if they needed to) Sorry, Wrong Number is known for it being a one person 'tour de force'. Agnes Moorehead plays the main character who is an invalid. In an attempt to reach her husband she thinks she's been tapped into a wrong line (set during the time of switchboard operators)and over hears a murder plot. Her desperation to get help increases as time goes by and it becomes quite heart wrenching. The production on this list is a later one, in which all parts have a cast rather than just one woman on the phone, but that doesn't make the impact any less in my opinion. You can clearly tell that whether you hear the folks on the line, or just Agnes, the story would still have punch. This of course isn't a modern recording but it should be noted this one could be quite distressing as well.
If you've made it this far, thank you for reading! We are working hard here at OPC to bring you some more shows soon!
The Playlist:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6LKADPH5aBTj6dilWoqcLo…
The article:
http://www.the13thfloor.tv/…/the-best-horror-radio-dramas-…/

Written by West Christy

Thoughts on what you just read? Feel free to comment below and we'll respond!

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc.   Cafe-Girl is committed to bringing quality content in the form of film, webseries, podcasts, and more that raise awareness on social issues and help to benefit society.  Help support Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc at: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions

One Step Closer

One Step Closer...

The start of my production company, Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, was formed through the stepping forth into bringing my literal dream of a Doctor Who Fan-Fiction webseries to life.  In that, my character, Jane Smyth, comes to terms with her real self that of the time lady, Romana, and reunites with her friend, The Doctor.  More to the point, I spent a great deal of time during the writing, re-writing, filming, and basically living of the character and her story listening to this song on repeat during the summers and times it was in production and then post-production.  I heard it so much that it just infused itself in the very fibre of my being, as characters are wont to do to us actors, so that even to this day it remains a song that can rekindle itself at a moment's notice or at the most minute of reminders.

I will be brave

I will not let anything, take away

What's standing in front of me

Every breath, every hour has come to this

One step closer

And there it is, the essential line of the chorus that repeats itself in my mind as I go about my day, a gentle urging that steadies me and buoys me up with hope: One Step Closer.  We all have goals, ambitions, dreams that we hope to attain, whatever they may be.  Along the course of life, it doesn't always happen in leaps, bounds, but most assuredly slow and steady, one baby step at a time.  Sometimes, the pathway to achieving can seem so gradual as if to seem as if we are falling backwards, when in fact the mere stumbling is not a failure but part of the process of moving forward.  

How do I mean? Well, what I have discovered in my path is that failures are successes in that they are lessons learned to help better us and motivate us forward on our journey.  More than that, success, prosperity,  abundance are simply not of the financial realm, but an overall mindset.  Although it has helped me to feel more secure by having the knowledge of financial wellness becoming more and more achieved, more to the point it has given me the balance needed to focus on my overall goals while not having to worry about the life factors of the 3d world.  

So, right now, in this time of the Covid-19 pandemic, as I await the stimulus check, the various online work I am acquiring and building, the unemployment funds to roll in, I have to remind myself to take a breath when the worry seeps in, when the tendency to scream out "Why me? Why does the Universe hate me? I struggle along, seemingly one step closer to getting ahead only to fall back", and stopping to ask myself, "What is the lesson here?"  I admit there is still a lag time between those thoughts yet it is getting swifter.  

 Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

(screams the Universe back to me)

So, what is the lesson then? Is it of having patience in the waiting? Trusting that some higher power has got me? Well, yes but more than that, I am learning to measure my abundance not in the financial but to continually look at what I do have, in this moment and recognize how far I have come in my path.  

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall

So, what do I have? I have created a sizable hole in my debt that has left me with a bit of a safety net in times of woe.  This month I have paid off the majority of my bills, utilities and debt included, which places me in a position not to worry.  I know that I have the finances coming from different sources so that my basic living expenses (like a roof over my head) will be covered so that when the above mentioned finances roll in (stimulus check, etc) I can make the necessary payments needed to move even further forward.

All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

But, the real lesson here is that, now that I have a handle on the whole notion of money (Look, $, you work for me, bitch, not me struggling for you), I can finally start recognizing my worth outside of the dollar I receive.  Yes, it feels good and helps boost my self-worth when I receive the financial for my artistic endeavors and I whole-heartedly accept and believe it is essential, but as I grow deeper in my analysis of self acceptance and love, I see now that the belief in myself in achieving abundance and success is not merely measured by the material but in my outlook on life.  

So, the setbacks will come, financial or otherwise, and I can choose to make them pitfalls of failure, endlessly falling to my own despair or I can realize that they are not to push me down, but the next mountain to climb, discover, and overcome.  They are the pathway to truly appreciating and understanding myself.  I recognize that life should not be lived in the someday, but in the now, that if I continuously plan for the glorious future happiness, I will miss out on the joys of the moment and will never fully be able to achieve the happiness I seek.  

Time stands still

Beauty in all she is

I will be brave

I will not let anything, take away

What's standing in front of me

Every breath, every hour has come to this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrM-Bkm4c_I

Hey, hey, you like what you read and have something to say, comment below.  Don't like what you read but still want to say something, toss in your thoughts below.

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, a film and media company focusing on bringing awareness to a variety of social issues to effect real change.  Want to support us? Head over to: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions

Be You, Be A Hero

             Hero

Okay, so here's the deal.  Insights and messages can come from the most surprising of places, in the most unusual ways.  It's up to us to maintain an openness and willingness to receive without judgment.  That's the situation I found myself in, when contemplating the recent circumstances surrounding the state of our union, in all its variety of facets, when the above song, Hero, by Mariah Carey popped into my head.  It's a song I used to listen to in my young impressionable naive-minded youth, back in the far away past of the nineteen nineties.  Remember back then?

So, as many of my contemporaries, I was mourning the concession of Senator Bernie Sanders and the devastation that may follow in that wake for my country and the world.  Who will lead us? Who will be our revolutionary, our guide? Why didn't he stay? When will be his chance?  As I sunk deeper into these trail of thought, I began to examine the notion of a hero and, to be exact,a revolutionary.  

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive

If you do a google search on the word, "hero", the first definition is: a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.  

But, what in fact does it mean to be a hero? More to the point, what makes a hero a reality in our eyes? We idolize someone like Bernie, or another political or public figure, for the attributes they seem to manifest outward, without truly knowing who they are inwardly.  What if we stopped, looked inward and found those attributes within?  What then? Why must it be someone else's responsibility to be our hero?  (I am speaking to myself more than anyone else.)

So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

But then again, I ask myself at times, why me? (And, also, why  you?)  Why must I stand up to the injustices of both my personal world and the larger reality? Why must I combat the negative toxicity that threatens to disable myself and those I love, even at the risk of losing those I love as a consequence for my boldness?  

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And that emptiness you felt
Will disappear

There is one reason that I can ascertain to inspire myself and others to live boldly and truthfully to attain their highest potential selves.  And that would be simply, its a better way.  See, taking the time, effort, and hard work to 'clean your own house' and do the adequate self care and healing is necessary for you to enact positive change for all of life, both for ourselves, those we love, and the planet.   So, after we find that peace and continue to work towards our wholeness, what then? How does this become true social and dynamic change?

For my part, it begins with allowing myself to be present and listen in order to be led towards the right decision, guided along the path towards the highest good for all.  It can be as minute as smiling at someone on the street and saying "hello", sending gifts and letters to remind them that they are loved just because, planting a garden with the express purpose of loving Mother Earth back to life and to provide sustenance for yourself and loved ones, or even greater tasks such as becoming and remaining an informed voter, being politically and socially active based on your convictions (YOURS, don't be manipulated), donate in whatever fashion of your choosing, and stay as active as possible in healthy relationships.  Above all, continue that self-care, deciding every day to love yourself and recognize that this is not merely selfish but selfless.  Being able to be fully in love with yourself allows the full healthy mindset and peace to enact change that all of us desire, regardless of the religious or political belief structure.

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

On that note, I gotta talk about Jesus now.  If this is somewhat of a sensitive subject, for whatever the reason, you have been warned.  But, I am not addressing Jesus Christ or the biblical scriptures I share based on my past fundamental beliefs, so let that put your mind at ease.  I'm not going to try to convert you to drinking the Kool-Aid and numbing yourself to the distraction of organized religion.  (No, I'll just try to appease your fears with a Nineties Pop Song....Just Kidding!)  But, here's the thing, as I dwell deeper into my Wiccan roots (from my pre-fundie life) and also into a deeper healing, I have come to recognize and appreciate Jesus and the teachings I once read in the Bible.  This is surprising to me, yes, but also a sense of comfort.  I recognize the truths from the scriptures and that they are not singular to the Christian religion.  There are lots of different types of followers of Jesus, lots of folks who think He is 'da shit', so define wisely.  (However, if I ever slip back into the fundamentalist life-style, you all have my express permission to shoot me.)  So, that said, let's talk about Jesus, shall we? Most significantly, as a revolutionary type of guy.  

In my past studies, I came across Acts 5:33-39 which says: 

33 When they heard this, they were furious and wanted to put them to death. 34 But a Pharisee named Gamaliel, a teacher of the law, who was honored by all the people, stood up in the Sanhedrin and ordered that the men be put outside for a little while. 35 Then he addressed the Sanhedrin: “Men of Israel, consider carefully what you intend to do to these men. 36 Some time ago Theudas appeared, claiming to be somebody, and about four hundred men rallied to him. He was killed, all his followers were dispersed, and it all came to nothing. 37 After him, Judas the Galilean appeared in the days of the census and led a band of people in revolt. He too was killed, and all his followers were scattered. 38 Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. 39 But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God.”

So, for starters, do I think Jesus is the Messiah come to save us and escort us into eternal life of harps and clouds? Not necessary nor am I sure, but I do think he represents a type of hero archetype that is present even in our lives today.  And, I feel that there have been similar hero archetypes both on a religious and political level down through history and will continue onward.  I mean, in our times, we can look at individuals such as Martin Luther King, Jr, Elizabeth Warren, and of course, the aforementioned Bernie Sanders as this archetype.  (Yeah, okay, I know that my representatives seem a little left skewed so if this doesn't fit your ideal, *insert your hero archetype here*.)   I chose these three because they represent a key ingredient here, all were passionate to enact the sort of change that would make the world a better place and the lives of the citizens better, but all were vilified in some fashion or another (some worse than other: Here's looking at you, MLK, Jr).  And, what indeed occurred as a result of the vilification?  We still remember as a nation, world, and true change has occurred and is happening even now.  

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away, hey yeah
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time you'll find the way

Bernie conceded, he stepped down, and in a very real sense, he sacrificed himself and with that the movement of revolution, begun not by him but others before him, that he carries forward, can continue.  And, continue it will, not merely by him with his loyal followers, but by you, by me, by us standing strong together in our own individual whole selves determined to bring light and love to a very ill world.  Looking towards a leader, someone that inspires you, that you see as a hero, is not necessarily a bad thing, but do not let that weaken your own influence.  Be true to yourself, your convictions, and move forward your own hero for the world.  And, please do not let this boldness disempower another whose views may differ, but be ever willing to sit down face to face at the table, listen, find shared commonality, and healing for all.  

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

So  now, after you have read my words, I invite you to take a few minutes and really listen to this pop song, Hero, in light of what I have written.  Your views may differ but I believe your passion is similar in desiring the positive, healthy world for ourselves and for loved ones.  And, be a hero and remember, you don't necessarily need a cape to do it, only if you want too.  

Hey, hey, you like what you read and have some thoughts, comment below.  Not like what you read, but you still want to express yourself, comment below.  

The Thriving Artist is a subset of Cafe-Girl Productions, Inc, a film and media production company working to bring about artistic endeavors that inspire change and help heal.  Want to lend your support? Head over to: www.patreon.com/cafegirlproductions

Re-Examining 2020 In The View of COVID-19

In the start of this year 2020, while others were out reveling in the "Roaring Twenties" themed parties, I spent my night walking through the streets slowly, pondering the year passing away and thinking of what was to come.  Earlier in the day, I walked the labyrinth at the Methodist Church as I always do on NYE, releasing into the confines of time all of what 2019 was and looking forward with set intentions of what was to come.  The rest of the night was spent in similar fashion, and although I stopped by and visited a few gatherings (mostly Awake Cafe & Gallery), I was retired to my pad (where I was house-sitting) at around 10 pm. 

The message of the night given to me overwhelming was that of 'Vision', a play on the year then approaching and perfect eye-sight.  I mean no dis-respect in those ringing in the New Year with hopes of the roaring twenties, but I have never truly been a big party type girl. 

However, I think that intention has grounded me these last three months and even more so in these last two weeks as we now find ourselves in the season of quarantine.  It is quite interesting to note that in January I visited the eye doctor who showed me how to align my vision with the help of 'reader' glasses, with only one lens, the end result not just correcting my depth perception and physical balance, but emotional, mental, and spiritual as well.  With that simple act, so much overall growth of well-being has transpired.

That said, this year has already given me a sense of feeling grounded and with a clearer focus, which has shaped how I viewed the effects of COVID-19 on the world, my personal life, and that of my closest friends and family.  

I do not view this pandemic truly as the 'end of the world apocalypse, in a general sense, though I do view it as the end of an era.  As I joked with friends this week, the effect of human kind 'staying in' has had a positive influence on the environment which made me comment, "Its like Mother Earth had had an enough.  'I gave you a chance to change,' she said.  'But you did not.  This is a consequence, go to your room, you are grounded.'  

All joking aside, (but yes, humor is important in our spiritual growth and advancement), the truth of the matter is, we as a human race needed this.  And, not just humanity but all of life.  We had all, and I am just as guilty, gotten to caught up with the business of busyness to truly understand the purpose of living.  

COVID-19 is an external reality of a long inward truth, we, collectively and individually, have been ill for quite awhile.  We have tried many ways to appease, silence, and get over this sickness, but to no avail.  This blight would not be cured until its time, forcing us back into quite possibly the scariest place on earth, our insides.  

The humorous meme being passed around on social media is that reminding those who partied at the 'Roaring Twenties' shindigs on NYE that we got our "roaring twenties': the plague, the market crashing, the lack of alcohol.  But this isn't the 1920's, this is 2020, the year of vision and clarity, healing and wholeness. 

Yes, I believe a new era is dawning, a truth we can all admit regardless of our spiritual practices or lack there of.  But, in the birth of something new, we have to release unto death that which no longer serves us.  In a very real sense, we are 'being saved as if by fire' as we all plunge deeper into the depths of our own selves.  This 'sickness is not unto death' speaks Jesus (and I do not mean to make light of the physical deaths of those already lost due to COVID-19) but more to speak of the spiritual healing transforming and rising us up to a higher vibration.  

For in order for the world to be healed, for there to be peace across all the lands, it must first begin with each of us individually.  We must all go inward, reduce all the distractions of the busyness of life, and dig deep into our own healing.  We must cleanse, release, forgive, and ascend to the true enlightened selves we were born to be, and only then, will this world be the beautiful haven it is mean to be.  

Only then, will Mother Earth release us from our sequestered lives, allowing us to emerge from our cocoons of darkness and feel finally the true light of peace and love upon us, basking finally in the warmth of a healed and healthy humanity and world.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVmB3lRjCmc

Team by team reporters baffled, trump, tethered crop.
Look at that low plane! Fine, then.
Uh oh, overflow, population, Common Food,
But it'll do. Save yourself, serve yourself.
World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed.
Tell me with the rapture and the reverent in the right, right.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light;
Feeling pretty psyched.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.

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Coronavirus Thoughts

Coronavirus Thoughts

Written by

Jacqueline Pollock 

(All views expressed in article are that of the author.)

For many weeks I’ve been hearing about nothing more than Coronavirus and like a lot of people have been contemplating things such as life, employment, and everything but one, love as I know where I stand with the one I’m in a relationship with, let me tell you that’s pretty stable. Today as I sit in my home office, on YouTube I’m listening to the Imagination Theater Channel’s newest post which is a new episode of the Adventures of Harry Nile, I start contemplating again. I’m thirty-nine (39) years old and I’ve been a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) off and on for fifteen (15) years. I’ve seen SARS, H1N1 (AKA Swine Flu), Ebola, Zika Virus, and more.

The Trump Administration has tried to blow things WAY out of proportion and has succeeded at this. The sitting President of the United States of America, the so-called HONORABLE Donald John Trump, Sr., has not listened to the medical and scientific communities, has appointed his Vice President, another So-Called HONORABLE Michael Pence, who is neither a scientist or a Medical Doctor, to a committee to study & fight the Cornoavirus. This is also the POTUS that appointed Benjamin Carson to be the head of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) instead of the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) and forgot that Secretary Carson IS an actual Medical Doctor, who was in practice as a Neurosurgeon. I propose that DOCTOR Benjamin Carson, M.D. would’ve been a better head of a task force/committee on Coronavirus? Is President Trump an idiot? No he’s a complete dumba** (I’m trying to keep it PG-13, instead of Rated R). 

The trend right now is to buy stores out of Toilet Paper, Hand Sanitizer, and all kinds of other hygienic items for everyone and just like hygiene products for menstruation individuals are taxed; what in the hell are the state governments thinking taxing hygiene products instead of ensuring that hygienic products are sold tax free? 

According to a Wikipedia article “Five states do not have a state sales tax (Alaska, Delaware, Montana, New Hampshire, and Oregon), and as of June 2019, thirteen US states specifically exempted essential hygiene products: Utah,Ohio, California, Connecticut, Florida, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, New York, Nevada, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island. California repealed the tax in its 2019 state budget, but only for the two-year duration of the budget.”  Also according to a New York Times article “Rhode Island repealed the tax in its budget bill. Representative Edith H. Ajello and Senator Louis P. DiPalma, both Democrats, had submitted separate legislation to do so earlier in the year, as they had every year since 2016. The measure, which would cost around $800,000 a year, was effectively approved through the budget, Ms. Ajello said. “I never heard anybody say it was a bad idea to get rid of the tax,” Ms. Ajello said. “I just heard some people wonder whether we could afford it.” In California, Gov. Gavin Newsom, a Democrat, held a news conference in May surrounded by giant boxes of diapers and tampons, and announced a plan to eliminate the tax on both in the state budget. It was a stark contrast to the approach of his predecessor, Jerry Brown, also a Democrat, who had vetoed a bill to eliminate taxes on those items, arguing that “tax breaks are the same as new spending.” But Mr. Newsom’s exemption will last only two years, in contrast to a law, which would be in place permanently. “We hope to extend it, but we hope to be in a fiscal position to do so and we want to maintain our prudence,” Mr. Newsom said, according to The Los Angeles Times. The L.A. Times noted that the cost of eliminating the taxes on both period products and diapers was estimated at $76 million per year. In Maine, the House and Senate passed a bill sponsored by Representative Denise Tepler, a Democrat, to repeal the tax. But lawmakers did not designate money to cover its cost, which was estimated at $817,000 in the next full fiscal year, so it did not advance. It could still be funded next year, at which point it would move to the governor’s desk, Ms. Tepler said. Ms. Tepler said that she agreed that aspects of the tax code didn’t make sense — for example, she asked, why are diapers taxed when fancy cuts of meat aren’t? She called for a deeper rethinking of sales tax policy. In Georgia, lawmakers shelved a proposal to nix the 4 percent tax, but allocated funds to provide free menstrual products in schools and community centers in low-income areas. In Virginia, lawmakers reduced the tax on menstrual products and diapers to 2.5 percent, rather than nixing it entirely. It had been as high as 7 percent in some parts of the state. Michigan was one of many states where anti-tampon tax proposals failed to gain traction. Senator Winnie Brinks, a Democrat who co-sponsored two such bills, said she was moved to act after years of paying for menstrual products for herself and her three daughters. She said that she couldn’t think of any other tax that was levied on only one sex. In Louisiana, Senator J.P. Morrell, a Democrat, sponsored a bill to eliminate taxes on diapers and menstrual products. In negotiations, lawmakers sought to combine the measure with tax breaks on firearms and other items, he said. Opponents voiced concern about the cost, and prevailed. The other states where bills were introduced but did not advance were Arizona, Hawaii, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Missouri, Nebraska, New Mexico, Ohio, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Washington and West Virginia, according to a database compiled by Period Equity.”  Are we giving in to those who are assisting in growing the panic and panic too? 

Some people are and personally I’m just sitting not on the sidelines, not in the stands, actually I’m sitting in my office thinking that we survived SARS, we survived H1N1 (AKA Swine Flu), we survived Ebola, we survived Zika Virus, and we’ve survived even more, we’ll survive this. 

One of the elder gentleman I know (let me call him W.H.) and I personally feel that I have the great pleasure of knowing W.H. as he’s one of those “shoot from the hip tell it like it is kind of people.” Anyhow W.H. recently said it best: “If I get the da** thing I get it; if I don't get it I don't get it; really we can't stop it from happening if it's going to end up happening anyway.” So when it comes to virus scares let just be Careful folks and remember: Wash your hands not only is it hygenic, it’s supposed to be common sense.

1 Source: Tampon Tax

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tampon_tax#:~:text=Five%20states%20do%20not%20have,year%20duration%20of%20the%20budget

2 Source: 22 States Considered Eliminating the 'tampon Tax' This Year. Here's What Happened.

Karen Zraick - https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/12/us/tampon-tax.html

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Hope For Humanity

We are now in the thick of the election season and as per the usual in recent times, the fear arises.  Will my candidate win or will he lose? Will the already corrupt government system remain or will we finally prevail as "We the People?"  And I, for one, am not immune to this fear.  This concern not just for the welfare of my life, but for the future of my country for those I love and particularly my nieces, nephew, and children in my life, as well as for our Mother Earth.  

But, in days frequent, I have stepped back from the media hype that invades my electronic devices with propaganda trying to make me believe it is news, and instead seek to center myself and re-focus.  In addition, I have been reading the book, "Radical Forgiveness: Making Room For The Miracle" by Colin C. Tipping and its given me pause to reflect upon the reason behind the current political and, dare I say, spiritual upheaval in the country and my world.

This text, and my growing belief, states that the emotional turmoil that is we believe is caused by what we see is external but in fact is actually a lesson to help us grow and heal from the wounds we carry.  These wounds are most likely those we try to hide or, at least, try not to look at too closely, but try as we might to run, our pain will catch us up and overwhelm.  And, overwhelm they will, no matter how hard we try to push down.  So, what is seemingly an external irritant is in fact a beloved teacher meant to heal and transform. 

Here's the thing.  We as individuals, a country, a world, cannot run from ourselves.  We will continually be confronted with our own pain, our own issues, brought to us in the lesson of different individuals and circumstances until we surrender to the divine, listen, learn, heal, and release.  I believe wholeheartedly that not only do we need to do this on an individual level but more and more that this is the reasoning behind current national upheaval as well as the world pains and issues.

So, what then do we do?  Yes, I do what I can for my country, my world.  I vote, I stay aware, I recycle, I give...but it all starts for me from the place of self care, personal growth, and self awareness.  Without that centering, I can become off-kilter and quickly fly into the place not just of anger but scape-goating, victimhood, and blame of which will never bring healing and resolution.

Our one recourse for a better nation and world starts with us personally.  There is a deeper reason behind Senator Sanders, "Not Me, Us" slogan and it has nothing to do with politics, but the spiritual, emotional, psychology.   Visualization for a victory of a better world is important but coming from a place free of fear and anger begins with our own healing.  We will continue to be confronted with our own demons in the guise of people and circumstances both on a individual, local, national, and global level until we can learn to surrender, listen, learn, and heal from the lesson given.  It is only then that true evolution and victory will arise.

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun

And I say it's all right

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter

Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun

And I say it's all right

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mc1ta1UMGeo

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